Re: This Old Home

[edteja]

"This old home has brought me inspiration"I sympathize with this line, but I think it starts the tune off wrong. The next line gives me some feel for the place, and seems a better opening line. As Casey will tell ya, it's hard to know without the music, but I figure that first line should be in the chorus.Many, many nice lines here though.

[lwj001]

http://www.pic-a-pagediscounts.com/Real ... .htmlHello walter327. Following Traveling Ed Teja's suggestion, I rearranged the first stanza to see how it looks. Here it is:The hardwood floors and fires in the hearthThe wind that moves the branches in the dark,Winter knocking at the door and you right here with meThis old home has brought me inspiration constantlynext, I did a minor deletion here:Springtime grows just over the horizonBursting forth with blossoms and the trees alive and greenBirds come and fill the air with song (removed "that", 2 lines) Clouds grace the azure sky and bring the cleansing rainnext, I added a rhyming word here:Cold creeps through the cracks and drafty windowsillsPaint is cracked and peeling on the wallsThese old floors complain and creak with the Winter chill (rhymes will sills)But, I can feel my God within these hallsand He brought us hereto this old homefinally, I tried to make these lines more even.This old home has drawn my contemplationAs lightning strikes in Summer and thunder rollsRain arrives in sheets bringing rivers to the streetsThen the sun appears and paints a colored bow,The season comes of Autumn,oh, the AutumnCrimson, golden fire decorates all the treesA feeling on the air as the Spirit hovers thereI close my eyes and feel Him in the breezeHope I didn't change your song up too much. It really is a well thought out theme.

[walter327]

Appreciate it, again, Cowboy.Didn't think anyone liked m'stuff 'cause no one was replying. Just reading.Walter327

[walter327]

Deleted this due to lack of responses. Will put something new on soon.