Really need some feed back

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Elderman
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Really need some feed back

Post by Elderman » Thu Jan 17, 2019 10:01 pm

Hey everyone


Could really use some feed back on this song. I'm not getting older. Please.


https://soundcloud.com/j-owen-smith/6-i ... ting-older

Thank you very much.

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Casey H
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Re: Really need some feed back

Post by Casey H » Fri Jan 18, 2019 5:38 am

Really need some feed back
"Feedback" is one word, not two.

Hope that helps!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Casey

PS Seriously, I'll be back to listen. ;)

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Re: Really need some feed back

Post by Casey H » Fri Jan 18, 2019 5:50 am

Hi Elderman
Nice. Very Neil Young. :D

What's your goal with the song? Film/TV? Personal sales such as downloads? A song to gig? Placement with an artist to record?

I could see it as a replacement track for an old Neil Young song in Film/TV. As you may know, music sups sometimes need a sound-like for a song they "temped in" during production but can't afford. So they go to music libraries for ones with a similar sound.

"I'm Not Getting Older" is a cool hook line.

However, your song would need some changes for that I think. It wanders from that initial Neil Young like sound and runs way too long. It would need to stay focused and bring back the harmonica more often. Lyrically, it would have to be less specific and less tongue-in-cheek about getting older. More of an "Old Man" thing.

Of course, if that type of Film/TV placement is not your target, ignore the above.

Enjoyed!
:D Casey

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jdstamper
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Re: Really need some feed back

Post by jdstamper » Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:27 pm

Hi J. Owen,

I didn't read Casey's comments, I like to give feedback without being influenced by others, so excuse me if there's overlap.

It's a nice song with lots of thoughtful, emotional lyrics. Sounds like Neil Young meets Gordon Lightfoot. I'm not sure about the intended audience, I think it's too specific and too heavy for the typical TV / Film music, and probably the same applies if pitching it to another artist. I think it could benefit from some lyric and music revisions to try giving it a more hopeful outlook ... not that you have to make it a happy song, but a little more hopeful to the future. Like maybe expand on youthful dreams - what you want to do in the future and why you're hopeful about it. Pick up the tempo, use more major chords or at least "5" chords to lift it the mood a little bit.

For the recording, the voice is pretty nice but could be recorded more clean, and the guitar has a resonating frequency that can probably be EQ'd away. Some backing tracks with a little percussion and bass would be nice, whatever is fitting to the genre.

You might re-post this on Peer To Peer forum, that's where feedback is usually exchanged.

Good luck with it! Jim
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Re: Really need some feed back

Post by LoBellver » Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:41 pm

Add distorted guitars, bass and drums in the choruses. I thought at some point you would go like that when listening to the song.

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Re: Really need some feed back

Post by Elderman » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:27 pm

Casey H wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 5:50 am
Hi Elderman
Nice. Very Neil Young. :D

What's your goal with the song? Film/TV? Personal sales such as downloads? A song to gig? Placement with an artist to record?

I could see it as a replacement track for an old Neil Young song in Film/TV. As you may know, music sups sometimes need a sound-like for a song they "temped in" during production but can't afford. So they go to music libraries for ones with a similar sound.

"I'm Not Getting Older" is a cool hook line.

However, your song would need some changes for that I think. It wanders from that initial Neil Young like sound and runs way too long. It would need to stay focused and bring back the harmonica more often. Lyrically, it would have to be less specific and less tongue-in-cheek about getting older. More of an "Old Man" thing.

Of course, if that type of Film/TV placement is not your target, ignore the above.

Enjoyed!
:D Casey
Hi Casey

I think Film/TV placement would be my target. Less specific and tongue-in-cheek could possible be replaced with some kind of metaphor. Adding more harp is a good idea Too. Thank you.

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Re: Really need some feed back

Post by Elderman » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:34 pm

jdstamper wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:27 pm
Hi J. Owen,

I didn't read Casey's comments, I like to give feedback without being influenced by others, so excuse me if there's overlap.

It's a nice song with lots of thoughtful, emotional lyrics. Sounds like Neil Young meets Gordon Lightfoot. I'm not sure about the intended audience, I think it's too specific and too heavy for the typical TV / Film music, and probably the same applies if pitching it to another artist. I think it could benefit from some lyric and music revisions to try giving it a more hopeful outlook ... not that you have to make it a happy song, but a little more hopeful to the future. Like maybe expand on youthful dreams - what you want to do in the future and why you're hopeful about it. Pick up the tempo, use more major chords or at least "5" chords to lift it the mood a little bit.

For the recording, the voice is pretty nice but could be recorded more clean, and the guitar has a resonating frequency that can probably be EQ'd away. Some backing tracks with a little percussion and bass would be nice, whatever is fitting to the genre.

You might re-post this on Peer To Peer forum, that's where feedback is usually exchanged.

Good luck with it! Jim

Hello Jim

Think you're right about being less specific. I do want to pitch this for TV/Film and plan to revise some of the lyrics. Great idea about expanding on youthful dreams and picking up the tempo. I'll try out the chord change and see how it works. Thank you for the feedback and insight.

J.O.

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Re: Really need some feed back

Post by Elderman » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:38 pm

LoBellver wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:41 pm
Add distorted guitars, bass and drums in the choruses. I thought at some point you would go like that when listening to the song.
Hey LoBeliever

I'll give it a shot. Open to all changes at this point. Thank you.

J.O

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