Reset The Default

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Elderman
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Reset The Default

Post by Elderman » Mon Jan 14, 2019 9:42 pm

I've been trying out a few different styles of writing lyrics. Would love some feed back. And share some ideas. I'm new to this forum and looking to connect with some of you. Thank you.



Reset The Default

Reset the default turn back the page
Delete all the data that keeps fueling my rage
I can't remember when
Or how it used to be back then
Before my thoughts were interrupted,
Adjusted and corrupted
Was there ever a plan -To defeat the forces in the field-If so
Where should I stand -To be understood
You know I'm not a believer - But I'd sure like to see
If you could show me how to get back down to New York City

I'M JUST A SIMPLE MAN - LIVING IN A STRANGE LAND


RESET THE DEFAULT-Wipe the slate clean
Download all new software-Upgrade this old machine
Take back control-Fortify my heart and soul
See the world with new perspective,
That’s effective and corrective
How can I ever change-The patterns they put into place
Arrange and make me stranger-Indifferent to the Dogma
If there was ever a time To say what needs to be said
You know we all fall down ,don’t see no crown on your head

I'M JUST A SIMPLE MAN - LIVING IN A STRANGE LAND

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Shalee
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Re: Reset The Default

Post by Shalee » Sat Jan 26, 2019 8:03 pm

Hey man,
I'm going to only really look at this from a structural perspective, so you can take or leave what I write below.

I think your very close here with these lyrics. I would be looking at it from a rhyming and mathematical point of view and really stripping apart how your lyrics actually sit in the structure of the song.
For example, your first verse looks like this:

AA,BB,CC, in the beginning, but then you take rhyme section D, and make it D-Dalt, D-Dalt (plan/stand and field and understood- which is an example of the rhyme not working) then EE.

But then your section verse doesn't follow the structure you've set out (and what your listener will expect) in the same way.
Same with your syllable maths. There's no clear syllable rules in your verses- with the exception of a few spots, such as "reset the default, turn back the page," and "reset the default, wipe the slate clean". This section is 5-4 and works strongly.

When there are clear maths in lyrics, it's much easier for a vocalist to outline a strong melody and for a listener to see the familiarity between verses.

The great thing about song maths is that you get to set all your own rules. But once you set those roles, stick to it, and your track will be cleaner, catchier, and easier to remember. So have a think about the structure of what you want to do with the track, and really hash out your lyrics and how they sit in that structure, and adjust accordingly.

the concept of the lyrics themselves are cool, and could suit an indie band or a real dreamy alternative song.

Best of luck!

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