Resing--Country Tune "NO WAY"--comments please

[heinsite]

hi guys and gals--here's a resing of a previous tune now titled NO WAY, with some word revisions. screeners didn't like old version enough, but hell, it does just about everything, old version for hank jr. just got mostly 8's but not close enough--i can hear him singin' this version.please comment--do not be nice (or be nice...), we love each other!http://www.taximusic.com/download/25302/No%20Way.mp3No WayVerse #1Here's the story and then I'm throughIt might be funny if it wasn't trueSo far fetched you'll say no wayYou'd be wrong--it's a definite wayPre Chorus #1After a month I should have knownShe was better left aloneYeah I might be just as nuts But hey hey hey heyShe splashed a perfect smileMan her body stopped sundialsI should have thought with my brainInstead of my. . .ChorusNo way, no wayNo way, no way(No way, no way...)Verse #2When she stole a new 45And went out huntin' for butterfliesYou'd think by then I shouldda' knewBut check the hole in my left shoePre Chorus #2This chick lived in La La LandCalling all cars it was outta handShe pulled that gun and yelledYou're stayin', you're stayin'!No way you're leavin' meCan't you see our destiny?And as she went to aim I hit and stairs prayin'. . .ChorusVerse #3Got to my car stepped on the gasHoped I'd see no muzzle flashEvery mile I checked the mirrorShe wasn't there, it got much clearerBack to Pre Chorus #1ChorusOutro VerseIf you think this isn't trueCheck the hole in my left shoeSo far fetched you'll say no wayYou'd be wrong--it's a definite way

[jchitty]

Hey, Warren....this is a FANTASTIC country production. The melody and production is exactly what Nashville wants....it's as good as country gets. One thing though...the lyrics are a little quirky for country, but I'm just hoping that country music is changing enough that they'll accept it...I am so sick of boring lyrics. Once again, your writing is very unique....I just know it's hard to get those fowards if every single line of the story isn't spelled out in a very literal way.I got the storyline just fine though...basically, it's the story of a country bunny boiler....ala Fatal Attraction. Let's just hope the screeners can wrap their minds around the lyrics. Now, some might not like a simple hook like "no way" (you got proof 'coz of that hole in your shoe)....but actually, it works for me.Good luck with this! It's catchy, well produced as I say, and I like it! Just getting you prepared for some of the stuff you might face with the taxidermists, but then, you already know that.

[zoom]

Very Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure! Ok.... I won't pull punches on this one Warren...I think the biggest problem with this song (and this is from the screeners point of view here).... is that "NO way, WAY" is dated. Also, the story itself gets completely out of hand... muzzle flashes and psycho girlfriends... not a good mix with this mid-tempo feel-good (musically speaking) song!Then again, that's part of the charm of your songs, Warren... most of them come from just left of center. Of course it depends on what your aims are with this song.... For instance, if you're shootin' for a contemp country listing, I think R's are in your future (unfortunately, I just don't think this song can clear that high of a bar)... if it's for TV/film, however, just be looking for a listing for a somewhat comedic country tune with a big sarcastic bite, and I think you'll have a winner!And that's the way your songs are, for the most part... biting sarcastic wit meets a good dose of humor along with (often times really good, if not great) musicality. And, while certain folk might say, "It's UNMARKETABLE!!!" I say that it's a niche .... and you gotta work it to make it happen.As always, I thoroughly enjoyed this tune Warren... and I hope you work this song into the mainstream bud!

[mojobone]

This is one of the first songs I ever commented on, and my comment had to do with the lack of lyrical content in the chorus. My opinion of the chorus hasn't changed, but the story's much improved along with the imagery. There are still a few problems, IMO, specifically, the "calling all cars" line doesn't seem to fit, and the "I hit the stairs prayin'" going into the chorus doesn't make sense, and neither does "instead of my". Rhyming gas with muzzle flash seems pretty fresh, though. And you can consider this a pet peeve of mine, but I don't want to hear the word "destiny" in any song of any stripe. Ever. Still, you've got a very strong melody to work with; while you got that there's always hope.As a side note, I've actually been shot in the foot. My right heel,specifically. My advice is if you're going to play at biker parties, learn "Born To Be Wild".

[feaker]

heiny guyWow. You turned it up a whole bunch of notches on this one.As you know pal, I am not too much into lyrics and much has been said already on the above posts.The production is really really good.Your singing is a good match and right on. It has been a little pitchy in the past Think I even detected a little twang in there.I am with chits on the typical country lyrics. We come to expect anything but typical from you.The only thing I don't get is the repeat of the no way in the chorus. Maybe should not have said that because I already admitted I suck at lyrics. You did it up right friend and I truly did like it.CongratsPaul

[jchitty]

Aug 18, 2008, 9:12pm, heinsite wrote:first, thanks for listening!!thank you all so much for your responses, and hell, i agree with what you are saying--how can i not? i'm looking at even the mild criticisms as a half full glass. thank you chits, will you marry me? whoops, very happy already, but thanks for the good words--and the next time when you say somethin' BAD i'd ask you anyway (insert smile face, damn, on the "quick reply", story of my life.) no faces when i need one--hate them anyway... ha! mom of 4--thanks for the words, but the music always helps allot for me to tie in the entire package. how can i get it to you? be glad to send it. yeah, in a song like this, it's a free flow story, so may not read sometimes just right. hell after trying to write poetry for years like whitman, then of course e.e. cummings et al, i'm trying to transform from the obscurely relevant to the relevant--not as easy as i thought. thanks for the listen though. (i'm going to post my new song you had comments on the lyrics (way back in dog years--a month ago or so,) so will be interested in your critique then, if you can find a way to listen...zoomster--when it was just "way" as an answer to "no way", most of the screeners said they either didn't get it, or it was too obscure. can't win sometimes....but i get what you're saying! problem is, this tune has it's own life, and i can't and won't mainstream it anymore than it is. but man, very nice words my friend over the airwaves. thank you!cam--well honestly, i agree with you, it aint that crazily outta hand imho, and yep, i hope the screeners can see that, but can't control it. i appreciate your words very much. dig your tunes by the way...lightning--thanks so much--hell i wrote the lyrics the first time in ten minutes (ok, 15) then rewrote some for the resing, which took actually 10 more. i work too damned fast, and hell, these demos cost bucks, so it forces me to slow waaayyyyy down. we'll see what happens.i really REALLY appreciate your comments. i understand them, and the crux is for me in the cab we're in is like when i was a kid--in the back i get car sick...love the front, but man, getting up there is hard as hell. the quirky and not mainstream enough is what i get from the screeners too. hell, i'm trying to be myself, and feel that it is "way" good enough. but as i've said, that and a cup of coffee will get you-- a cup of coffee.love you all--really-- all the best,warren If we got married, I'd want the house immediately. I don't know if any of you've ever read Lewis Grizzard (he was a Southern humorist who passed away years ago) but he'd been married a number of times. He was pretty wealthy, and each divorce ended with him giving up houses that he'd purchased for his wives. After all his marriages, he once quipped:"In the future, I won't get married again...I'll just find a woman I don't like and buy her a house."

[mojobone]

Thanks for the kind word, Warren, and Chits, (I just love what that rhymes with) I'm a big fan of Lew Grizzard and several other writers in that vein. Fact of the matter, I'm engaged to the daughter of one the country's greatest naturalists, or Indiana's at least. PM me if you need a great roadkill recipe.

[twilsbach]

Aug 20, 2008, 12:25am, mojobone wrote:...I'm engaged to the daughter of one the country's greatest naturalists, or Indiana's at least. PM me if you need a great roadkill recipe. Are you in Indiana?

[jay10music]

WARREN MY FRIEND............LISTEN DUDE......... This is the best I have ever heard from u as of yet !!!!!! Dude your voice sounds fantastic.....Very radio freindly....and very professional sounding....The production is absolutely great....This song is with out a dought a WINNER... I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.....Going back up and listen again...This is right where u need be... Copy this focus...sound....production...and bring it with u on all the tracks u do from now on... STAY THE COURSE.....Jay-man....

[linziellen]

Love it Heinsite great work, it sounds and feels just right to me. I think the others have probably pointed you in the right direction, to me this is a "feel good" song and I feel good for having listened to it, thank you and well done.Linzi