Results May Vary

[good4somethingbum]

Results May VaryIt’d been quite sometime, so he took a chanceWashed down that pill with wine, and slipped off his pantsThinkin’ ‘bout his wife, the love of his lifeAnd how he was gonna be her loverboyHe pulled back the covers, and looked at his loverYeah, there she was…300 pounds of joyThey sweet talked n smooched, he had some more hootchBut felt no tingle or sparkShe rolled offa him, he caught his second windAnd took a look at that pill jarIt said results may varyNothing’s guaranteedRight there in fine printYou need glasses to readO but he’d been prayin’And he was so sureThanks to testimoniesIn the brochureNow he was bitter and cursin’Cos results may vary person to personWell, she had hippo hips and rhino legsSo she took his tip and tried Jenny CraigBut hey…he was no prize, no feast for her eyesAll scrawny n bald n covered in molesAnd he was bow-legged, and standin’ there nakedHe was a scarecrow without a poleShe started thinking’ of, how he’d be lookin’ for loveEv’ry night if she lost a hundred poundsShe didn’t wanna get trim, swapped Slim Fast for Slim JimsAnd when she never lost an ounceShe said results may varyNothing’s guaranteedRight there in fine printYou need glasses to readO but he’d been prayin’And he was so sureThanks to testimoniesIn the brochureNow he was bitter and cursin’Cos results may vary person to person©2007 Robert George