return over the title, what you think, bit harsh???

[ChristopherSwain]

Hi All

I'm not really having a moan I've had a few forawards this week,

but this track got return purely because of the song title.

I sort of disagree with the reviewers opinion, he/she bacisally said that it would have been put forward if I had called the song "Your Love" instead of "Don't Ask", because Your Love is the impact part of the song
My thoughts are, thats really obvious and I have a song called My Love, so Don't Ask is better and the song starts and ends with "Don't Ask" , and I don't think its is mistaken as the chorus.

Quote

"you seem to use the song title as a chorus but then there are other sections as strong.. the "Your Love" section, for example, can easily be mistaken for a chorus"

This one has really confused me because it's such a simple change yet I don't want to do it, but I am thinking, maybe it's in the song writing book that the chorus should contain the title.

Is this return a bit harsh????

Here is the song top of the wall:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Swains-Pi ... 2206989953

Verse
Don’t ask me what you already know, this love has reached the end of the road
The words that are spoken are a waste of breath, those days were the worst I’ve ever met

Pre-chorus
Just listen we can talk this through, and understand
It’s not my fault that I can’t stop, how will I find your love

Chorus
Your Love, your love, your love, your love
your Love, your Love, your love

Bridge
And all I am right now is all I’ve even know, the only way I’ve been is what I’m shown

Verse
Don’t ask me what you already know, they laid the path you just followed
The words that are spoken are waste of breath, these days are the worst I’ve ever met

Pre-Chorus
The depths of time will prove so innocent, and you will find
If you follow your heart and let it decide, its will lead you to your love

Chorus
It will lead you to……………your love
Your Love
it will lead you to………your love

Your love
It will lead you to…………your love

your love

Bridge
All we had back then was all I’d ever want, if times a healer, then it forgot

Verse

Don’t ask me what you already know, this love has reached the end of the road.

[michael11]

Sorry Chris but I agree with the screener,if I went looking for this I would google Your Love.



Michael.

Cool song though,whatever it's called.

[simonparker]

it's your song, name it whatever you like. You could name the song Pillsbury Dough Boy if you like.

However, if I heard this song on the radio (and I hope I do real soon, it's cool) and said "darn, I gotta get that on my ipod ASAP", I would look for it under "Your Love", and would not have a clue or understanding as to "Don't Ask".

Also, just me personally, can't speak for anyone else, I hate songs that have a chorus that is different than the title. It actually irks me - that's why I don't care for the Grateful Dead. It's I WILL GET BY and not Touch of Grey - what's up with that?

Sorry about the return.

[fret17]

Some of us haven't had a forward yet and may never will....I think it's a little arrogant to have even posted this....let's just pretend for a moment that someone in the industry could get it cut by a major artist and could almost guarantee a million sales if you would just change the title to "Your Love"...are you going to stick to your "Don't Ask" just out of spite?...I doubt it if your in this to make money...and if you're not...who cares.

[ChristopherSwain]

I don't think so at all Tom, if I lose out on a big oppertunity because I don't use a title from the chorus, that still sucks.

In fact I searched the taxi forum and google to see if anyone had had discussed this issue.

I wasn't going to avoid an interesting topic to save someones feelings. I can't avoid to not discuss topics that will help me get forwards to protect people that can't get forwards whoever they are (and some great musicians on here so i'm sure a lot do or will).

I understand what Simon and Michael have said and I see the screener is probably right.

but now I have had to cahnge 4 titles, and I never thought it so important.

it's much easier from the outside looking in.

P.S. I would change the title to anything for 1 million sales

[rnrmachine]

Hey dude,

Common practice is all about the "hook" being the title and Taxi is all about common practice. ie; industry standards. Since the screener can't change your title all on his/her own he/she is stuck on what to do. Return seems the logical choice although I feel your pain 100%. I'd be beating myself over the head for that one.

Rob

[Casey H]

I really enjoyed this but definitely agree with the screener on the title. If you can please post the listing text and the whole review. Sometimes one sentence needs to be in the context of the whole review. And the listing itself determines the 'bar' and what will be looked for.

Absolutely the title should be "Your Love". But I think the issue comes up much more because the chorus doesn't do the job of screaming "I'm a chorus", at least not lyrically. The only words in the first chorus are "your love". As is that first chorus sounds more like a great outro for a song. To be a chorus it needs to fill something more about how he misses her love. The second chorus is a bit better with "it will lead you to" but a some expanding lyric lines would help.

My guess is the return wasn't 100% about the title. It also had to do with the strength of the chorus.

As a side note on lyrics.... (This may be more than you asked for here)... MHO is a few lyric lines could drop some syallables and be smoother. For example, "The words that are spoken are waste of breath". "The words we speak" is shorter and more natural conversation. And "these days are the worst I’ve ever met" doesn't sound like normal conversation (although not that off)... "These are the worst days I've ever had" is more natural though it's not clear what days you are referring to in "THESE days" either way.

"Don’t ask me what you already know, they laid the path you just followed"... What does this mean? Who are "they"?

"The depths of time will prove so innocent".... What are you trying to say?

It's a really pretty song with lots of potential. I think the lyrics need a re-write and that will go a long way to making it fly.

Best of luck,
Casey

[ChristopherSwain]

Hi Casey

Actually I didn't write the lyrics, I do have some issues with them. The guy that wrote them wrote the most amazing lyrics to a song I have called change, here I have tried to re-capture that magic.

It one of them songs where I've "settled" for the lyrics. Now you have me re-thinking but you have said what I have deep down thought.

Your spot on about the first chorus, I've not been happy for a while in the fact it only uses two word.

It's too plain and the second chorus is was makes the song because it has more words.

ahhhh I hate music, I'm retiring.

they laid the path, you just followed, I think that means she was not following her own path, but the path she was told to follow.

I recorded this before I joined Taxi, now I would have never used these lyrics.

Cheers Rob, I'm just getting use to the world of common practice after living in the world of my practice for 27 years.

[ChristopherSwain]

Lisitng:

HOT A/C SONGS a la Rob Thomas, Goo Goo Dolls, Kelly Clarkson, etc., needed by an Independent Music Supervisor with a long history of music promotion in the industry who now works solely on Film and TV placements. Please do not send instrumentals, he is looking for tracks with vocals only. Male or Female vocals are okay. Universal lyrics that can fit a variety of scenarios are very important! Songs that evoke a mood or atmosphere or could add energy and extra depth to a scene will do well here. Vocal and instrumental performance must be top-notch! Songs must not contain any samples that require clearance and no other publishers that would need to grant permission for usage.

review:

Thanks for this original song submission, Christopher. I enjoyed listening to it. the vocals are pretty and intense which is excellent. I was confused about the chorus. you seem to use the song title as a chorus but then there are other sections as strong.. the "Your Love" section, for example, can easily be mistaken for a chorus. You should take another listen and clarify. good song dynamics and some nice production touches and piano stuff. good melodic structure and solid vocals.

[fret17]

Chris...The appearence of arrogance lay in the statement...."I don't want to do it"...combined with the fact that you are getting forwards...it has nothing to do with feelings and everything to do with who is being helpful on your behalf...and btw the topic isn't all that interesting if you've read some books on title placemaent and hooks...I would think that's basic songwriting 101 and quite fundamental...If you've had to change four song titles to match industry standards then it may behoove you to read something on the topic....by achieving Taxi forwards, it's apparent that you've got a natural artistic feel for songwriting but appear to lack the understanding of the commercial elements involved..