Returned: Come Home Blue and You Are My Star

[kitz]

Ya'll,The listing:S081110ACADULT CONTEMPORARY SONGS in the wide range of Michael Bolton, Barbara Streissand, Seal, Annie Lennox, Peter Gabriel, Sting, Whitney Houston, Josh Groban, Celine Dion, etc. are wanted by an established Music Publisher in Los Angeles. This company specializes in Film/TV and has signed & secured placements for many TAXI members. While the stylistic approach can be widely varied, they'll be looking for original songs that have a "timeless" quality and overall tone - no covers, please. Lyrics should be universal enough as to apply to a variety of situations/scenes/characters. Performances and the sound quality must be excellent (solid demo recordings are okay as long as the quality is there). They offer a non-exclusive, 50/50 split deal - you keep your original copyrights. Broadcast quality needed. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received by November 10, 2008. TAXI #S081110ACHere's the tunes:http://taximusic.com/stream/183499/You% ... tar.mp3You Are My Star (former title: Your Love)Put your hand in mine and walk with meTiny little footprints in the sand and seaAfter all the times - you comfort meWith your love – your loveYour tender little heart - inspires meBrings me hugs and kisses - deeper than the seaDeeper than the dark - of a starlit skyTelling me the path is love - and not to wonder whyYou are my star – my little oneNo matter where you are - you warm me like the sunIn a big blue sky - where the eagles playYou and I - Chase the Clouds AwayWhen you don’t believe – doubts blind your mindCan’t see where your going – or what you left behindRemember this – when you’re on your kneesThe day that you surrender – you hold all the keysYou are my star – my little oneNo matter where you are - you warm me like the sunIn a big blue sky - Hear the music playMake Believe - Chase the Clouds AwayYou can dream your dreams – forget your fearsWith a lot of hope - and some grateful tearsTakes you on and on - till you find your wayPut your hand in mine and walk with meTiny little footprints – in the sand and seaFade away – when you leaveLeave with me forever Your LoveThe critique:The performance here is strong, and heartfelt. The listener does become engaged, as the passion comes across. Very strong sense of mood creation working here with your use/choice of melody. Structure also works well, and the choruses are set up and released powerfully. Lyrically, some of the rhyme lines (not all) in the verses and the choruses can be tweaked out, and stronger lines added. (ex: me/sea/sky why + one/sun/play/away). Come Home Bluehttp://taximusic.com/stream/158038/Come%20Home%20Blue.mp3Come home BlueWhen the sunlight is fading My heart will be true And whatever you doThere's a moonglow arisin'Reminds me of you Come home BlueStars that fallKeep me a wishin'That maybe you'll callAnd we'll dance our tuneBy the light of a silvery Sailin' home rising blue moonMany many many miles grow between usI can picture shinin' eyes and your smile'Til the day when mighty winds Blow to bring us Back together againWe've known all the whileThat forever will doWhen you come home BlueWildflowers bloom In the garden they play While they grow up too soonTender tears - all trueTrace the face of your AngelsTil you come home BlueMany many many miles grow between usI can picture shinin' eyes and your smile'Til the day when mighty winds Blow to bring us Back together againWe've known all the whileThat forever will doWhen you come home Sing me BlueAll the songs you rememberIn their color and hueAnd whatever you doKnow that I will be waitingWhen you come home BlueCome home BlueThe critique:Once again, the performance is strong, and it is delivered with passion and emotion. The listener cannot help but be pulled in by your performance here. I was a bit confused by the lyric line "Blue"... at first I thought it was an animal (cat/dog?)...my guess is that it's a person (named Blue)? Again here, some (not all) of the rhyme lines can be tweaked, and reworked. Tag here is nice, but as a "payoff" hook, I feel that it can be stronger. Overall,Thank you for the chance to listen, and to review your songs for this Taxi Listing. Your vocal performances are very engaging, and convey passion to this listener. They are delivered in a heartfelt style, an one cannot help but get pulled into each idea. You also have a keen ability to set up the mood in each song as well. Structure is solid, and the hooks/choruses are set up and released well. In "You", I felt that some (not all) of the rhyme lines can be tweaked. Right now, I thought that the pattern that develops is a bit obvious, and can be reworked. Hook of "You Are My Star", while touching, is also closer to conventional. In "Blue", I really thought that this was about an animal at first in V1 (cat/dog). As we progressed, I "guess" it's about a lost love (person). This, I think needs a bit of clarification,, there are lines that speak of "smile" and "singing"...but it can be more straightforward. These songs are well delivered, with strong vocals, solid structure, and wonderful use of melody/mood creation. Lyrically, however, there can be some tweaking in both ideas. Some of the rhyme, for example, can be worked out for stronger, more unique lines. In "Come Home" there can be clarification about the main character "Blue". Both Returned - Any thoughts??Kitz

[andreh]

Dec 4, 2008, 10:12pm, kitz wrote:Both Returned - Any thoughts??Kitz-These are both really nice songs, and your mixes are great...I especially like the vocal tone you're achieving.IMHO, the reason they weren't forwarded is because they don't fit the genre/artists listed...they have a much more rootsy/Americana/John Denver ( ) feel to them. Even if you updated them with some more modern-sounding instruments & sounds, the lyrical content and melodic delivery are just too "nice."I'm actually a bit surprised this wasn't mentioned by the screener.Still, the songs are good enough to find a home with some other listings if the right genre pops up.Good Luck,André

[kitz]

Thanks Andreh,The screener checked on target for the listing and the only real downs in his/her view were the rhymes lines needed to be tweaked. That's what I got from the critique.Kitz