She's Doing Me (With Her Clothes On) R&B

[suprafly]

Hello everyone,This is my first post. Like to get some feedback on this song (as a song pitch). This was done with an Usher type of artist pitch in mind. Thanks in advance.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... tream=true Girl,You areDoing itTo meSo sexy Club is popping, it’s Friday night (Background Vocals Chorus)Valet parking itKnows my ride (Background Vocals Chorus)In thru the side doorVIP’s only (Background Vocals Chorus)Stepping on the floorCalling out my homies (Background Vocals Chorus)Hottie walking Stilettos pumping (Background Vocals Chorus) Low riding hip tight jeansGot my heart to thumping (Background Vocals Chorus)Girl,You are Doing it(Repeat) BCBG topFendi belt (Background Vocals Chorus)The heat from her bodyCaused my ice to meltGirl,You are Doing itTo meSo sexyWith those clothes on With those clothes on[Repeat] I’ll admit that IHad been taken (Background Vocals Chorus)By a see- thru topAnd them mountains shaken Girl,You are Doing it[Repeat]Drinks are flowingPass it down (Background Vocals Chorus)Her skin is glowingAnd that bottom round Girl,You are Doing it[Repeat]Girl,You areDoing itTo meSo sexyWith those clothes on She’s doing me (Background Vocals Chorus) With those clothes onShe’s doing it to me (Background Vocals Chorus)Girl,You are Doing itTo meSo sexyWith those clothes on And you know you’re wrong for it (Background Chorus)With those clothes onAnd I don’t want her to quit (Background Chorus)(Alternate ending choruses)

[ciskokidd]

Hey Suprafly,First of all welcome to the forum! You will find this place a great joint to learn and get some positive feedback.I'll make some comments and give it you straight, but please take this as a constructive critique.1. I think your title should be "With Her Clothes On" as "She's Doing Me" is kind of cliche now.2. Your lyric is in the pocket for this kind of song, but the beats and melodies are just not hip enough to get past the high bar of an artist pitch. To me the beats and drum samples are really dated - like before Usher dated. Also if you listen to the phrasing that the current crop of R&B singers use you find fresh interesting rhythms. Take a listen to "In This Club" by Usher or "Sexy Can I" by Ray J. Those songs are tight and so pocket with the beats and phrasing.3. You need to get a singer that can work this song out in the current style. In the R&B game you gotta come with a full blown production to make any kind of impression.Once again I don't mean to burst your bubble or anything. You've got the lyrics in the right place, but you need to work on the other aspects. You can do it.Best,Cisko

[suprafly]

Thanks man. This is the feedback that I'm exactly looking for!!!!

[ig88]

Are you serious? This is so wack, the vocals are dry and distant and it sounds like Luther Vandross meets michael jackson over boring production. Is this supposed to be R&B? Haha umm i guess the lyrics are so stupid and cliche that common american people would gobble it up but you need some solid production first. Do you do any of the things you write about? You have an approach i will give you that.

[ciskokidd]

Mar 17, 2009, 3:52pm, ig88 wrote:Are you serious? This is so wack, the vocals are dry and distant and it sounds like Luther Vandross meets michael jackson over boring production. Is this supposed to be R&B? Haha umm i guess the lyrics are so stupid and cliche that common american people would gobble it up but you need some solid production first. Do you do any of the things you write about? You have an approach i will give you that. Damn IG,Give the dude a break man. And to your American people comment: take a look at any of the world charts and you see American music dominating. I'm so sick of all you haters mass consuming our popular culture and then acting all high and mighty. Which record industry dominates? AmericanWhich film industry dominates? AmericanRock and Roll is AmericanHip-Hop is AmericanR&B is AmericanCountry is American Jazz is AmericanThe Dance music you all seem to think is yours is just 4 on the floor Disco with new sounds. Disco? Oh yeah, that was American too!!If all you can do is hate on people, I'm through with you. Have a good life!Smell ya later,Cisko

[sgs4u]

Cisko, sure the guy's remarks were questionable, but there are a lot of people in the world brother. Surely you didn't mean to point your anger at everyone who isn't American.

[andreh]

Mar 17, 2009, 4:11pm, ciskokidd wrote:I'm so sick of all you haters @Steve: I think cisko was only referring to these guys. You're not a hater, are you? André

[hummingbird]

Opera is Italian

[sgs4u]

Mar 17, 2009, 5:01pm, andreh wrote:Mar 17, 2009, 4:11pm, ciskokidd wrote:I'm so sick of all you haters @Steve: I think cisko was only referring to these guys. You're not a hater, are you? André Correctamundo. I do not hate anyone, no how anywheres.

[Casey H]

Hi SupraflyYou got some good feedback here from cisko. This isn't my genre but I'd say you have some good ideas but the vocal and production need to come a long way. You might want to seek out a collaborator in your genre. Try to find someone who could help on the production and performance and contribute ideas.Song pitches are the absolute hardest. I suggest you read up on this forum about pitching songs for film/TV. The odds of some type of placement are much greater. (You don't have to give up on the other dream though)...Regardless, everything about the track has to sound highly professional. I hope you get additional constructive feedback here that will help you. Best, Casey