teen runaway demo..

[feaker66]

Most tracks, including my own, get less interesting as I listen along. I started this a week ago and have since kinda hit the wall. I am not liking the chorus at present. I was thinking of speeding it up a tad? It is at 100 bpm now. Let me know when you first lose interest. Give it maybe 20 seconds tho. I know the intro is a bit long now already:) Thanks

https://soundcloud.com/feaker66/runaway

Runaway

Left my home…. left my fam-a-ly… I’m headin down these railroad tracks Am G
Words were said .. I said most of em I’m never ever lookin back Am……..

Where to go.. I don’t know..gonna walk along nice and slow C G Dm Am pre
Startin on brand new life….Don’t mind being alone F G Am

I’m gonna find my way don’t know where don’t know how D chorus
Didn’t need none of them anyhow Fm
I’m gonna find my way it begins right now D
There’s gotta be a better life I will find it somehow C G

I see ..a little shack…nobody’s livin there…I’ll be stayin there tonight Am G verse 2
wake up early… jump into a boxcar …just before the day’s first light Am…..

got some clothes..saved me some money C G pre 2
brought along my favorite snacks Dm Am
gotta be someone some…where…….. down these railroad tracks F G Am

Darkess falls the cold creeps in I can not see a thing bridge Em D
I’ll try to be brave …. what ….will the morning light bring Am C G Am…….

[Zaychi]

Didn't lose interest all along. Pretty song, tender vocals, like we're used from you

Still some comments:

- It seems as if the verse and chorus aren't connected well enough harmony-wise. Both to and fro passage seem artificial and forced.
- Lyrical subject doesn't seem to match the quietness of the song... teenage runaways are full of anger, adrenaline, testosterone... can't hear that in the music...
- As a slight production remark, the vocal coming in on the second verse seems too loud compared to the previous chorus.

[feaker66]

Didn't lose interest all along. Pretty song, tender vocals, like we're used from you

Still some comments:

- It seems as if the verse and chorus aren't connected well enough harmony-wise. Both to and fro passage seem artificial and forced.
- Lyrical subject doesn't seem to match the quietness of the song... teenage runaways are full of anger, adrenaline, testosterone... can't hear that in the music...
- As a slight production remark, the vocal coming in on the second verse seems too loud compared to the previous chorus.

Wow Mr Z you are spot on. I am nodding as I read this. I know the track is a mess right now, but highlighting these faults is gonna make things a lot easier.
The lyrical and the chorus doesn't fit as you said. Not sure how to fix that right now. I always like to have a lift, but maybe this song doesn't need it? I am up for anything. I never noticed the loud second verse vocal. I know now what happened there now. I couldn't hear the words so I jacked it a few db. Then I noticed the acoustics were too loud and tamed them. Forgot to bring the vox down after that. Good catch once again.
The chords back and forth from the Am to the G are from the start of an old song by the Hollies called bus stop. I was playing that last week and said screw that I am going to use those two chords for a song start.
Hey, it takes personal time to write reviews. You do mostly cues etc, and it is hard for me to return the favor with a comment. I will try harder

[EricHerbig]

I completely agree with you about the difficulty in keeping people’s attention these days.

You hold my attention at the start with the cool guitar riff, vocal inflections and timely entry of bass and drums. One thought would be after 20 seconds into the intro catch a word or two with a double or falsetto vocal - maybe pretty quiet - to differentiate the start of the verse vocal from the second half. But you have my attention through the verse. I also like your harmonies elsewhere. One idea would be to try falsetto ones to provide a completely different sounding voice.

Just a general thought that if a song is shorter it is less likely people will stray before finishing it. I think this also has something to do with people having shorter memories (attention span) and wanting to be more spoon fed musical enjoyment.
One thought around the starting acoustic guitar riff - if the riff came back earlier then at 1:15, I think that might really increase the ability to hold the listeners attention. One idea (sorry if this is painful to hear cuz it is a cool part for sure) would be to cut 0:30-0:50. One thought would be using it as the bridge. Personally I fell the 0:53-1:12 is more catchy (also uplifting) then 0:30-0:50 and I really like the verses in between.

If it returned more frequently and was more rooted in the guitar riff verse and maybe trimming a bit in between that to me might push the song to an even great level. Emphasizing more what is really catchy and requiring less from the listener in terms of memory of different parts in understanding/picturing the composition structure as a whole.

Anyway, nice track and I hope this helpful!

Cheers,
-Eric

[feaker66]

I completely agree with you about the difficulty in keeping people’s attention these days.

You hold my attention at the start with the cool guitar riff, vocal inflections and timely entry of bass and drums. One thought would be after 20 seconds into the intro catch a word or two with a double or falsetto vocal - maybe pretty quiet - to differentiate the start of the verse vocal from the second half. But you have my attention through the verse. I also like your harmonies elsewhere. One idea would be to try falsetto ones to provide a completely different sounding voice.

Just a general thought that if a song is shorter it is less likely people will stray before finishing it. I think this also has something to do with people having shorter memories (attention span) and wanting to be more spoon fed musical enjoyment.
One thought around the starting acoustic guitar riff - if the riff came back earlier then at 1:15, I think that might really increase the ability to hold the listeners attention. One idea (sorry if this is painful to hear cuz it is a cool part for sure) would be to cut 0:30-0:50. One thought would be using it as the bridge. Personally I fell the 0:53-1:12 is more catchy (also uplifting) then 0:30-0:50 and I really like the verses in between.

If it returned more frequently and was more rooted in the guitar riff verse and maybe trimming a bit in between that to me might push the song to an even great level. Emphasizing more what is really catchy and requiring less from the listener in terms of memory of different parts in understanding/picturing the composition structure as a whole.

Anyway, nice track and I hope this helpful!

Cheers,
-Eric

Ok, I just wrote you a long comment. I hit enter and it wiped it out. Welcome to old age. I will finish this after I try some of these great suggestions. i am a little upset with myself right now.