The Girl at the Circle K - Take 2

heinsite · Post by **heinsite** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:46 am

hey cam my friend--what dean said--kinda what i THINK i told you in my too long email--make them work harder my friend!!

deantaylor · Post by **deantaylor** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 3:22 pm

Hey Cam,I took another listen. I do love the adlibs. And the music track seems fine. Maybe it just needs a little more life and energy in the lead vocal. It just never seems to 'pop' like I think it is gonna. Sorry I can't be of more help. Maybe it's just me and Warren. RLD likes it!!!Dean

southpaw · Post by **southpaw** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 5:20 pm

hey Cam, im in agreement with RLD. I think you have an really great story here, and production is also professional. From my standpoint, it was just as if i was listening to a song by toby keith or deirks bentley, etc. Nothing was 'wrong' with it, i enjoyed listening to it. Afterwards i spun some country hits, 'feel that fire' by dierks bentley, and 'god love her' by toby keith. I noticed the dramatic tension as being the major difference that was there in these songs when compared to 'the girl at the circle k'. Im not as knowledgeable about country as others around here, but i could hear it as a track worthy of a slot on any country artists album. That said, i just didnt feel like it was a 'hit'.. per say. And while it is a good song, i dont think it would be a featured track on an album, and that seems to be the level of expectation in this ball game. I mean it just didnt have that big build and release type of feeling that i always hear on the charts. For lack of better words, after listening and comparing, to the other songs, i felt like it was a really good song, great story, great production, but just wasnt 'hit' caliber. (if thats what you are going for with this one.)I may have totally missed the boat here, but take my thoughts fwiw. I feel that the folks at taxi are competing with songs at the highest level of songwriting and production, and this one is just didnt give me that impact that gives me goosebumps, or 'pop' as dean said. Jamie

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 5:22 pm

Actually Dean, RLD said nothing really grabbed him, though he didn't think it was terrible, so that's not an endorsement. Honestly, I think that's the way I feel about it too. As I do more of these it's getting easier for me to be objective, say "not my best work" and move on. I just wish I could do that BEFORE I demo it. Sometimes the studio demo makes it come to life, and sometimes it doesn't. What's hard for me to know when I write a song is whether other people will like it or not. Sometimes my favorites are not the ones people like, and vice-versa, so that's where this forum feedback is invaluable.Cam

momof4 · Post by **momof4** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 8:06 pm

hey cam - my quick advice would be to shorten the chorus. i am the WORST about shoving a bunch of words in a chorus (one i'm real proud of, too!), but i am starting to see that a simpler chorus makes it more memorable and more singable. just my two cents, of course. erin

deantaylor · Post by **deantaylor** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 8:36 pm

Mar 5, 2009, 7:22pm, cameron wrote:Actually Dean, RLD said nothing really grabbed him, though he didn't think it was terrible, so that's not an endorsement. Honestly, I think that's the way I feel about it too. As I do more of these it's getting easier for me to be objective, say "not my best work" and move on. I just wish I could do that BEFORE I demo it. Sometimes the studio demo makes it come to life, and sometimes it doesn't. What's hard for me to know when I write a song is whether other people will like it or not. Sometimes my favorites are not the ones people like, and vice-versa, so that's where this forum feedback is invaluable.Cam Yeah, you may be right. It could be the song not the demo. Maybe this is all there is to get out of the songwriting ... I am not entirely sure .... Anyway it's still good. I like it. Good luck with it.DeanPS Maybe we shouldn't expect a studio to 'bring life to a song' .. if you can't hear it in a simple rough draft, maybe it's not there. Especially if it is a song we are pitching to artists.

rld · Post by **rld** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 5:49 am

Hey Cameron,I just wanted to stop by again as my comments may have come off more negative than I intended.This is a good song and it could be on any number of artists releases if they wrote it,but I think we know that for outsider pitches, good just isn't good enough. What is it about this song that would make the A&R guy choose it over the score of other tunes he's just heard from publishers, staff writers and artists he sees face to face on a daily basis?I don't know man...it's a tough pitch and sometimes doesn't seem fair.Anyhoo, I'm no expert on this and thats JMO...good luck!

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 6:00 am

Thanks RLD. No problem. I actually thought your comments were right on, and what you're saying about outside pitches is absolutely correct.Cam

pitterpatter · Post by **pitterpatter** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:10 am

Mar 5, 2009, 12:27pm, cameron wrote:Dean - Thanks. That's good to know.Angelica - Thanks for the comments. The last line is "I bet the farm and gave it all away, to the girl at the Circle K", so in other words, she ended up leaving him and getting everything. Does that make sense? Maybe I need to make it clearer.CamYou mean she left him at the end of the song? If that's what you were trying to say, I didn't get that at all. I like the idea of the guy just being happy at the end of the song that he finally got the girl at the Circle K and they live happily ever after....awwwwwwe. I prefer a happy ending but it's your song.