The Lawyer Has Been Paid

[suzdoyle]

Hi Sam;Thanks for putting your song up listening. I like the old school country feel and the instrumentation. Great guitar work -- and I agree -- turn up the vocals! Just a few comments on the lyrics:The lawyer has been paid, the case has been read <-- rhyme?We'll appear next Tuesday, to lay our love to rest <--- Rhyme?The judge will contemplate what we both will getThe remnants of a marriage, and of a love turned to regret <-- nice line--> although the last 2 lines confuse me. I think it's because the subject is "the lawyer" in line 1; "we" in line 2, and "the judge" in line 3. So in line 4, I'm confused abused whose point of view is being presented about the remnants of the marriage -- the judge's or the divorcing couple's??I called to say I need you, but it was much too lateNothing left but hurting now, and the lawyer has been paid <--- too many words in this line -- can you make it shorter? E.g. "Nothing left but hurt now; the lawyer has been paid" w/ the word "nothing" on the downbeat rather than as a pickup? That would sound more natural, more like how it might be spoken.If I cried and said "I love you" it wouldn't matter now <-- "If I" gets lost -- might it be more effective on the downbeat rather than as a pickup? ]You'd say I must get over it; it's too late to work it out <-- [emphasizing "late" on the downbeat rather than "too" might work better. ]The truth is I still need you but I realized it too lateThere is no turning back now, for the lawyer has been paidI brought you pretty flowers, and you threw them away [4 chord on "you " ??]I asked if you still loved me, and you didn't have much to sayI was planning on forever; I guess that was just too longI shouldn't have neglected you, I know that I was wrongI'm still thinking about forever, and all the promises madeOur forever is gone now, for the lawyer has been paid <--- "Our forever" gets lost as a pick up -- might it work to say: "Our forever's gone now", with the word "our" on the downbeat??Beat # 1 2 3 4 Our for-ever's gone now, for the . . . OR (pickup) 1 2 3 4 our for - e----- ver is gone now, for the Well, those are just a few ideas. Thanks for letting me have a listen!Best regards,Suz

[samstone1977]

Thank you, Suz, but I am afraid I don't understand. I submit lyrics to a company that turns them into a demo. I don't know how they do it. I was going for a near rhyme on the first two verses. The POV should be from the singer. I really appreciate the careful critique of the lyrics as that is the only thing I can control. Great advice on changing forever is to forever's. I will see if they can change it. I'm not sure if that is possible or not. Again, many thanks- Sam

[k o star]

Samstone... this... ... is... Awesome!I don't even listen to Country music but this really got me going yea!I think U really got something in this style... very groovy tune this is...Love the guitars & performances...Kel

[samstone1977]

Thank you very much. I really appreciate the feedback.