the Process of Growth as a Songwriter

[hummingbird]

Well, I was talking to a good friend of mine today about songwriting, producing, and being a member of Taxi. I talked about how much I've learned in the past 3.5 years of Taxi membership. I talked about how I cringe when I listen to the CD I made 3 years ago, how far I've come in my understanding of where the bar is and how far away from it I was at the beginning of this journey. We talked about "instantness" & "fast food" mentality of society nowadays and how people expect that someone is going to come along and lift them out of obscurity and make something happen. I say this with the honest knowledge that I thought like that too. Way back, 17 years ago, when I started taking voice lessons, I sincerely thought to myself, 'give me six months, they'll be down on their knees begging me to do concerts with them.' Well 6 months went by and I felt totally lost. Six years went by and I got a small glimmer of an idea about what the issues might be. Nine years went by (of two singing lessons a week + coaching) and I finally woke up to the fact that the armor I had grown to protect me as a child was still deeply programmed into my psyche and was still holding me back... that as I much as I wanted to sing/be a singer, I was not opening up. I spent all my life up to then hiding from people, avoiding social situations, stammering when I talked, terrified. It took me twelve years of training & practicing & working to be able to stand in front of an audience and sing without fear. Even today sometimes I'll come home from singing somewhere, and I'll think 'hey, I wasn't scared!' - I'm still surprised and grateful. I joined Taxi 3.5 years ago with the same thinking - 'wait til they hear these songs, I'll have a deal within 6 months'. Ha haa. I used to get sooo mad when I got a return, I'd have to put it in a drawer for a couple of days before I could read the critique with any kind of acceptance. Slowly, through getting the critiques, and reading/posting on songwriting boards like this one... I started to see a glimmer of what the issues might be. I started to realize that my membership in Taxi was one way I could get an education in songwriting. I take classes on-line and go to seminars and the Rally, and read the books... but getting specific feedback on my songs/music from the people screening for the industry is very valuable. I try to write or produce something every day, because it is very very clear to me... that I sing better this week because I sang last week... and so ergo, it makes sense that if I write this week, I will write better next week because of that experience, because my muscles are toned, because I'm open to it, because I can consistently, with practice & good feedback, improve any skill. Deals or no deals, gigs or no gigs, I write, I sing, I produce, because that's what makes me feel alive. If, anywhere along my singing or songwriting journey, I had given up on myself... I would not be who I am today. And I was reminded of the process of 'becoming' when Matto showed me his list of credits at the Road Rally. He only had 3 or 4 credits for each of the first 3 or 4 years of his Taxi membership... and then it took off, doubled & tripled as the years rolled on. If he had given up anytime in those first 3 years, he wouldn't be the success he is today.... I guess I'm trying to say... I don't expect Taxi, or a record label, or a music publisher, or a singing teacher, to do my job for me. Success is never instant. It comes about because you've doggedly put one foot in front of the other in the face of all the odds, because it means something to you to make that journey. It's the journey that is your process to becoming who you dream of being, doing what you dream of doing. When a student stands in my studio and sings a note they never could sing before in a way they never dreamed they could... after we both wipe our eyes, I say... "you could never have found that, had you not been willing to take the journey, do the work, and trust that it was leading you somewhere."So there are my thoughts on a Wednesday afternoon... hope they make some sense...Hummin'bird

[daniel481]

You have such great thoughts to share Hummingbird. Being a fairly new member, this whole issue is definitely something that I've struggled with as well. I was "cocky"/inexperienced enough to think: "Hey, I'm going to be the first TAXI person with a 100% forward ratio! These are all perfect for the listings, how could they not forward them?" Thinking of that now, of course I laugh, and imagine my surprise when, out of the first batch of songs I submitted (8 or so) I only had one forward. I know now that it was great to even get that, but at the time it really got me down. So, I kept turning in as many things to as many different listings as I possibly could, thinking that I could at least get all those forwarded. Well...it just doesn't work that way, does it! I'm happy to say that I have had several forwards, but it's been closer to 25% or so, not anywhere near that ridiculous 100% number! Now I try everyday to look at the big picture and make everything that I do as perfect as I possibly can before turning them in. The returns are still discouraging, and some days I still wonder why I'm not getting more of my songs placed (even though I know how much time it can take). So, I guess it's just a big learning experience! It's all about that perserverence and striving to always be improving.Anyway, just wanted to chime in for a second and say thanks for posting that! It's always nice to know that my plight is shared by many other people Dan

[anne]

Hi Vikki - what a great post you have shared with us all. I am stunned at the success I have had so far, measured by just how much I have learned in the past year, with Taxi. I have been on a little "writing / recording dry spell" since the rally, and have been beating myself up a little for it. Then I read your post and realized that while I was so focused on my "dry" spell, and it finally dawned on me that I've been working on music the whole time. I just haven't been writing / recording because I've been practicing constantly on singing without even realizing it! Having gone to the Steve Memel workshop at the rally, and then later discussed singing improvements with you, I realize that I have taken another step on improving my weakest point - singing - and that I've been waking around, driving, working outside singing and practicing all I've been learning - - since coming home from that rally. If it weren't for Taxi I wouldn't have started to even think of singing again (in addition to everything else I am doing now because of Taxi) - part of the improving is the loss of that "cockiness" that I also had when I first joined (our songs will get placed like crazy!) and the realization that I have SO much to learn, but more than that - realizing that just because I am having success with "a" doesn't mean I don't have a lot to work on with "b" and actually getting that work done!I find it a little funny that I totally disregarded the fact that I've been practicing my singing as much as I have, and didn't consider that working on music. Its all part of the learning experience and the journey - I'm glad I read your post and was inspired to take a moment to think about what I've been doing lately. So, that is what I'm thinking about while settling in on this chilly and damp Thursday evening.

[avillaronga]

I wish I was half as eloquent as you are; lots of very interesting points and what a way to drive them home. Very nice post and thank you for all your contributions around here. Antonio

[crs7string]

I think there is a tendency to be harder on ourselves than we ever should be when we perceive we aren't being productive. All of us go thru these periods. I've found when I emerge from a period of perceived slacking off I get back to work with excitment and energy.I also have found that coming out of a period of "inactivity" I realize that there has been a lot of input that I wasn't even aware of. It could be a book that I've read, a movie I've seen, a new CD I've listened to, or an article in a magazine. At any rate, some new perspective or experience that changes an approach to a new challenge.A recent example for me , I heard Stevie Wonder in concert last Sat. and I hope as I write some 70's tracks somehow I've absorbed his amazing "funk" ChuckOff to contemplate my navel

[kouly]

Wise words from a wise woman. Thanks for sharing your growth to help us grow as well.

[timmerblakely]

Hummingbird,Thank you so much for sharing this today. The insight is perfect and it could not have been presented more eloquently. Your words really helped me regain an appropriate perspective after a challenging day.Thank you so much,Timmer

[anne]

"When a student stands in my studio and sings a note they never could sing before in a way they never dreamed they could... after we both wipe our eyes, I say... "you could never have found that, had you not been willing to take the journey, do the work, and trust that it was leading you somewhere.""Vikki - I'm printing this out to put it up on my wall, right next to my first critique and my forward certificate.