The Revenge of the Nerds

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:26 pm

At the rally, I had a really emotional moment or two listening to Vikki talk on the panel about being a shy, awkward, unpopular teenager in high school and how music was her release and sanctuary. And Dean K talked about overcoming panic attacks where he couldn’t even leave the house and went on to such tremendous musical success. I spoke with others who were very unhappy when younger and turned to music.I wonder if this is a common theme among many of us musicians and songwriters. The revenge of the nerds? As a teen, I was a little overweight, not popular with girls (while they all chased my best friend) and full of low self-esteem… I was never good at sports, though I loved to play. In Brooklyn, NY every day was out in the street choosing up sides for something. I’d hear, “you take Casey on your team, we’ll take the one-armed girl in the wheel chair”… Most of the time I hated myself… That best friend of mine was good at sports and there were always girls who “liked” him… I remember wondering when would I hear that a girl liked me? I got used to the “I like you as a friend” line from girls.It’s funny how so many of us had such poor self-image thinking everyone else had it together. Most of those folks weren’t as together as we thought but we didn’t know.I learned to play guitar when I was about 13. Around 16, the one thing I could do better than a lot of folks including my best friend was play guitar. It’s not that I didn’t have friends. I just had no confidence- none… But when friends got together and I could play all those Beatles, Moody Blues, Doors, Stones songs it was my chance.Still often depressed I started writing songs as my therapy. All my emotional experiences resulted in songs, mostly awful ones. The writing as emotional release just continued on as I grew older. And as an adult, the successes I’ve had in music have had an enormous impact on my feelings about myself. Of course, we grow up and have real jobs and families and whether one can catch a baseball or not means nothing. But those memories and feelings have shaped us forever, even if only to look back and see how far we’ve come. Casey

squids · Post by **squids** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 5:33 pm

Oh honey, I thought everyone here flew the freak flag in high school. (raisin' hand!)

trentoliphant · Post by **trentoliphant** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 12:05 pm

I didn't realize that I wasn't still flying the nerd flag. But I do hear you about overcoming the self-esteem issues. I still struggle every once in a while with feelings of inadequacy - but for the most part I have resolved them. Now I revel in my nerdicity.Trent

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 12:45 pm

Nov 13, 2008, 2:05pm, trentoliphant wrote: Now I revel in my nerdicity.That's the good part of getting older. You be a nerd and give a darn what anyone else thinks about it. Casey

sgs4u · Post by **sgs4u** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 12:59 pm

I am still a card carrying nerd-a-holic, but most of you know this... That's me on the left, waving the flag

jchitty · Post by **jchitty** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 1:35 pm

I read an article once about 'eccentrics.' (nerds, whatever you wanna call them). It turns out that eccentrics are happier people in older age than their more popular counterparts. They've had quite a few hard knocks in their lifetimes, so they become more resilient when it comes to disappointments. They tend not to sweat the small stuff as much. They've been trained to deal with it all. They also statistically live longer (wish I had the name of that article...read it in a bookstore). They've learned to create their own happiness. They don't look for outward approval to validate them...they gave up on that long ago. So eccentrics actually have higher self esteem in some cases. When we draw from the world around us, it can sometimes be toxic....the only person who will accept you fully is yourself really. The article said that everyone 'becomes nerdy' when they get older...society tends to revere the youthful. So your cheerleader and jock friends tend to have a tougher time adjusting to older age 'coz the world was their oyster when they were younger. Even minor things can drive them crazy now. You get used to being treated a certain way, and if you were popular when you were younger, life catches up with you...they say time is the great equalizer. That being said, this does not happen in all cases...some popular folks thrive, and some nerdy types do not.So bein' a nerd ain't all bad.

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 1:56 pm

Nov 13, 2008, 3:35pm, jchitty wrote:I read an article once about 'eccentrics.' (nerds, whatever you wanna call them). It turns out that eccentrics are happier people in older age than their more popular counterparts. They've had quite a few hard knocks in their lifetimes, so they become more resilient when it comes to disappointments. They tend not to sweat the small stuff as much. They've been trained to deal with it all. They also statistically live longer (wish I had the name of that article...read it in a bookstore). They've learned to create their own happiness. They don't look for outward approval to validate them...they gave up on that long ago. So eccentrics actually have higher self esteem in some cases. When we draw from the world around us, it can sometimes be toxic....the only person who will accept you fully is yourself really. The article said that everyone 'becomes nerdy' when they get older...society tends to revere the youthful. So your cheerleader and jock friends tend to have a tougher time adjusting to older age 'coz the world was their oyster when they were younger. Even minor things can drive them crazy now. You get used to being treated a certain way, and if you were popular when you were younger, life catches up with you...they say time is the great equalizer. That being said, this does not happen in all cases...some popular folks thrive, and some nerdy types do not.So bein' a nerd ain't all bad. Yeah, we don't need that outward approval... Do you like my song? Do you? Do you? Do you really like my song? hee hee... Seriously I agree with a lot of what was said. I'm not sure about the outward approval in that, at least for me, it IS one of the ways toward outward approval that I seek. Somewhere inside me is still that kid who everybody told sucked at sports, wanting to be really good at something and have it validated. Maybe that's why this will never really be about money for me (though it would be nice)... I just want to be able to say that I, Casey, got my song(s) on TV.It's so true that the jocks and populars often lose that advantage quickly as they get older. Age is the playing field leveler. Casey

jchitty · Post by **jchitty** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 2:57 pm

Nov 13, 2008, 3:56pm, hurowitz wrote:Nov 13, 2008, 3:35pm, jchitty wrote:I read an article once about 'eccentrics.' (nerds, whatever you wanna call them). It turns out that eccentrics are happier people in older age than their more popular counterparts. They've had quite a few hard knocks in their lifetimes, so they become more resilient when it comes to disappointments. They tend not to sweat the small stuff as much. They've been trained to deal with it all. They also statistically live longer (wish I had the name of that article...read it in a bookstore). They've learned to create their own happiness. They don't look for outward approval to validate them...they gave up on that long ago. So eccentrics actually have higher self esteem in some cases. When we draw from the world around us, it can sometimes be toxic....the only person who will accept you fully is yourself really. The article said that everyone 'becomes nerdy' when they get older...society tends to revere the youthful. So your cheerleader and jock friends tend to have a tougher time adjusting to older age 'coz the world was their oyster when they were younger. Even minor things can drive them crazy now. You get used to being treated a certain way, and if you were popular when you were younger, life catches up with you...they say time is the great equalizer. That being said, this does not happen in all cases...some popular folks thrive, and some nerdy types do not.So bein' a nerd ain't all bad. Yeah, we don't need that outward approval... Do you like my song? Do you? Do you? Do you really like my song? hee hee... Seriously I agree with a lot of what was said. I'm not sure about the outward approval in that, at least for me, it IS one of the ways toward outward approval that I seek. Somewhere inside me is still that kid who everybody told sucked at sports, wanting to be really good at something and have it validated. Maybe that's why this will never really be about money for me (though it would be nice)... I just want to be able to say that I, Casey, got my song(s) on TV.It's so true that the jocks and populars often lose that advantage quickly as they get older. Age is the playing field leveler. CaseyWell, it is true we like kudos for our music. Good points on your part all around, Case.