The Rose *** new mix Version 2 ***

[geo]

Hi guys....Another of my famous long shot submissions....MALE POP SONGS wanted for an International four-piece boy band a la Westlife, Boyzone, etc., by an A&R Executive at a hugely successful Independent label. The band is looking for "times of my life" type of songs (e.g. a great wedding, birth, funeral song). Lyrics should be poignant but not depressing or dark and the melody should have all the Pop sensibilities of what makes boy bands successful. Catchy hooks are a must! Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Wednesday, April 8, 2009Figuring it fits the "wedding" portion of the listing...I have 2 versions... one uptempo which is pretty much done and was my first choice... http://www.taximusic.com/download/34581 ... ou_.mp3one not so, an older version needs TLC....Remixed/arranged but still needs vocal redone....http://www.taximusic.com/download/10652 ... 202.mp3Any and all comments welcomed but of course which should I send... both maybe?Thanks...Peace, GeoThe Rose (Envious of You)Geo 2007Over these years we have had our share Of hopes, fears, laughter and tears.And I stand here clutching this rose With a box of your favorite chocolate and this simple prose.The rose stands proud, it’s fragrant beauty true,Resplendent in its glory, yet envious of you.Although you both are beautiful one thing I could not do,I could never love the rose the way that I love you.The rose was once a bud, demure in it’s stance,Chaste in it’s beauty, yet waiting for it’s chance.The chance that it will blossom, the chance a start anew,The chance that one day it’s the rose that I will pick for you. The rose stands proud, it’s fragrant beauty true, Resplendent in its glory, yet envious of you.Solo/Break: From time to time, there’s sadness in your eyes,From time to time, I know you want to cry.From time to time, you’re just driving me away, I know you’re scared, please listen to what I say.The rose will wither, it’s fragile beauty fade,Unable to stand the test of time not like the promise that I made.I said I’d always be there, told you leaving’s not something I do,Our love could never wither, the rose is envious of you.The rose stands proud, it’s fragrant beauty true,Resplendent in its glory, yet envious of you.Although you both are beautiful one thing I could not do,I could never love the rose the way that I love you. My heart knows none more beautiful, my love for you is true,I could never love the rose the way that I love you.I could never love the rose the way that I love you. Our love could never wither, the rose is envious of you.

[ideascapes]

Geo,Probably not the answer you wanted, but I liked "older versions needs TLC" #2. To me the simplicity better matches the message of the song and would allow for the 4 voices (see listing) better shine.Vince

[k o star]

Wow... the 1st version just brought me back to the days of Depeche Mode & Yazoo...I very much prefer the second version... hmmm... somehow the music fits the words better... better flow too...-Kel

[toddt]

Hi Geo,Nice metaphor. FWIW I prefer the second version though I agree with Kel about the Depeche Mode vibes on the first!However I don't think it yet has the vocal range or peaks and troughs I would expect of Westlife/Boyzone etc. There are also a few words you've used that, while they work well with the story, I don't hear in a track for that young market, such as "demure", "fragrant beauty", and I hate to say it but "resplendent" too (it's one of my favourite words).I think if you rework it one day with some more variation (most importantly ensuring that the chorus is a more memorable ear-and-heart-grabbing lift) it would be worth the effort.Good luck with the listing though, and I hope I'm wrong.tt

[geo]

Thanks Vince, Kel and tt....It's all good... the second version (actually it's the 3rd the other is the 4th) is my favorite... just need to work on it... and since I came home early with the flue I'm going to crawl into bed with the laptop...I know what you mean about the arrangenment/lyrics tt... as all my subs I tailor the listing to the song... not vice versa... hence my poor forward %... Peace, Geo

[feaker]

GeoMy vote is #2.Just spent four days of 102 plus fever. Hope yours is not that severe.paul

[heinsite]

hey geo, i remember this...think it was version 1? i'm favoring the 2nd one as well. i think the high points (no pun intended, but i'll use it...) is when you go into the multiple harmony early on. this production is pretty damn nice BTW. i THINK but can't say for sure if it was this one, that i commented on the rose lyrics as a bit awkward and have to agree with the words like "chased" , demure, etc. i'd just simplify it more....it'll get there, keep up the good work.all the best,wh

[brindabella]

Geo, I like the second one too, but if in doubt, submit both. I have seen here people that submitted different versions, one was FW and the other returned. Sometimes this is like the lottery, you want to beat the odds, dont'cha?

[geo]

Thanks Paul, Warren, Brindabella.... I most likely will submit both... I wanted to get this song critiqued for a while but wasn't sure about a listing... thought I was at least on the right street but most likely not in the ballpark.... lack of a big uplifting chorus will most likely be the reason not forwarded but I don't want to change the Wife's song too much... for the record she likes #2 as well.... I will do a version with "simplier lyrics" ..... this was written from a poem I gave my Wife (second stanza) so the rest of the lyric was written more as a poem than a song.... that's also why I settled on the AABA arrangement.....I remixed/arranged the second song.... it's due today.... I'm rolling the dice cause we can't redo the vocal until Monday... Thanks everyone...Peace, Geo

[geo]

Hey Guys...Remixed and cut in some vocal parts.... I'll live with this until we redo the vocals....Peace, Geo