"The System" - please critique!

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oxe57
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"The System" - please critique!

Post by oxe57 » Thu Feb 01, 2007 5:43 pm

This one has been rewritten more times than I can count. Thanks in advance....................................peace!"The System"he had no moneyand couldn't post bailaccused of a crimehe had to sit in jaila man with a pasttrying to clean up his actbut Society's Childsaid her purse he snatchedthe dude she sworewas tall and thinwith hair like wooland sunburned skintwo more like herscreamed he's the onehe got caught in the systemthey said his court datewas six months awayhe begged for O.R.the judge said no wayin jail he satwaiting on his trialhe couldn't wait to meetSociety's Childwhen her purse got snatchedshe broke a nailinstead of two yearshe was looking at twelvetwelve years in helland they wasn't kiddin'he was caught in the systemlike a dogthey tossed him a boneadmit to the crimeand we'll leave you alonesure he saidbut there were strings attachedtwo years paroleand monthly testsout on the streetshe had nowhere to goin less than a monthhe violated parolehis P.O. saidhe was late calling inhe was caught in the systemthe question was did he do the crimethe truth was hiddenwhile he did his timehis attitude changedhe wasn't taking no shithe got into a fightand his throat got slitat his funeralhis family weptthe very next daythe purse snatcher confessedwith humble apologiesfrom Uncle Samhe got caught in the systemcopyright 2007 richard c. evans

walter327
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Re: "The System" - please critique!

Post by walter327 » Mon Feb 05, 2007 7:02 am

Ouch,Man, this is filled with the "truth that hurts". I'd have to hear it to know what I really think about it. But, Lyrically, it flows well. Is it a rap? Has that kinda heavy, angry feel to it.Walter327
I shall wipe every tear from their eyes....

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Re: "The System" - please critique!

Post by chot » Mon Feb 05, 2007 9:09 pm

kool!

oxe57
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Re: "The System" - please critique!

Post by oxe57 » Tue Feb 06, 2007 3:44 pm

Hey Walter & Chot,Believe it or not this is a Bob Dylan influenced piece. It was written with a blues shuffle rhythm that is really kinda' cool. With the exception of the final verse this is a scenario that happend to a family member of mine. Art imitates life right? Thanks fellas...........................................peace!

anne
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Re: "The System" - please critique!

Post by anne » Tue Feb 13, 2007 12:24 pm

Wow - I checked out your web site as well - keep up the great work. Your lyrics for "The System" are right on the mark for truth - I never would believe that people can be railroaded like this when I was growing up until I lived where I live now and see it happen left and right. My husband was even told by the public defender that its easier for everyone if he'd just plead guilty rather than to fight a charge in court. He was innocent of the charges, and we chose to go to court and won but it cost us all our money to hire a lawyer (she was an ex-prosecuter to boot!) and it took 9 months of heartache and fighting until it was over, and then it marked his background records for over 2 years until we could get it removed. Nothing like your family had to go through, but still a pile of garbage.Until then I would never ever ever have believed that this can happen to ANYBODY. Glad your out there telling it like it is -

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Re: "The System" - please critique!

Post by oxe57 » Sat Feb 24, 2007 4:59 pm

It was painful to experience but a joy to write. Can you say irony?

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