This Stuff Really Works

[couchgrouch]

This Stuff Really WorksTommy and Susannasmoked in from Texarkanaa husband and wife snake-oil teamthey'd pull boxes from their wagonhop on crates and start to braggin''bout their tonics, powders and creamsTommy wore a white straw skimmerwaxed moustache and a Dixie drawlhawking pints of elixirmade from Nyquil and rubbing alchoholthis stuff really worksno checks please...only cashthere's peace of mind with ev'ry purchasecos our prices are slashedthey had testimoniessaying they were on the levelthey could sell tuxedoes to penguinsand horn polish to the devilthe customer comes firstand this stuff really worksa country singer name of Gradycleaned mustard off the ladyon the lapel of his nudie suitsaid he'd be damned if that stuff didn'tdeserve a national blue ribbonfor getting the rodeo off his gator bootsand Grady was still hungoverfrom a bender in Kalamazoobut he chugged a bottleand yelled, "it cures headaches, too"this stuff really worksno checks please...only cashthere's peace of mind with ev'ry purchasecos our prices are slashedthey had testimoniessaying they were on the levelthey could sell tuxedoes to penguinsand horn polish to the devilthe customer comes firstand this stuff really worksthere were warrants in Texarkanafor Tommy and Susannafor selling humbug pills and phony hopeGeorgia troopers made the collarjudge fined 'em five hunnerd dollarsand left 'em broke s a NASA telescopestranded with no gas moneysuddenly an idea struckthey poured that stuff in their wagonand when that junker started upthe said this stuff really worksno checks please...only cashthere's peace of mind with ev'ry purchasecos our prices are slashedthey had testimoniessaying they were on the levelthey could sell tuxedoes to penguinsand horn polish to the devilthe customer comes firstand this stuff really worksSusanna hadn't been frisky in weeksTommy thought some in her coke couldn't hurtwhen she whispered something about the backseathe thought, "hey, this stuff really works"(c)2005 Robert George