Newbee asking for review

[kendamkier]

I'm a new member at Taxi.
After following the taxi's live streem members were advised
to go into the forum and ask for cretique.
So that's what I'm doing now.
......................................................................................

http://kendamkier.com/Black%20of%20firs ... 0ozone.mp3

Black of First Degree

Over the point of safe return.
So no I guess, it's time to learn.
There’s no way back in my mother’s womb
I've played my cards till the crack of doom.

There’s no return of the prodigal son
There is no calf, the deal is done.
I'm like a ship on a troubled sea,
a withered leaf on Judas tree.

Black clouds in the sky
no guts to say goodbye.
I’m still blue yellow me
Fading into black of third degree.

I haven’t lost the secret key.
The key of life is ever so free.
I'd rather say the keyhole’s is gone.
The door is closed and the lock is on.

Before too long I'll see the light.
It might be day, it might be night.
My paint of life was dark and grey,
So when I'm gone just wash it away.
.............................................................................

Is lyrics OK?
Can this song stand alone with just guitar?
Should I have someone else singing it?
How is the mix?

Greetings from denmark

Ken

[DorothyWallace]

Welcome Ken,

If you are pursuing a career as a singer/songwriter, I think your singing sounds good. I personally like guitar/vocal and I could see you getting a film/tv placement. I'm not good with technical advice. You'll get good advice on that from other members. I don't think you could pitch this song to an artist since it sounds personal to you and doesn't have a huge hook in the chorus. Do you write songs in other languages? Those listings come up from time to time.

Dorothy

[kendamkier]

Thanks Dorothy

Film/tv placement would be nice.
One thing I am focusing on is writing universal lyrics, and this one is everything else but universal.
I thougt there was a hook in the chorous, but if only I can spot it it's not hookey enough(-:
So that's one thing I'll look into
I write in Danish, but have no interest in making a new cariere here.
I'm stgmatized as a blues-man and I'm seeking other places to go.
Mostly as a writer for other performers.

Thanks again

ken

[marcblack30]

Hey Ken from Denmark!

Is lyrics OK?
The title of the song is "Black of First Degree" but in the song you sing "Black of Thrid Degree", is that a typo or is
it intentional? I like "the crack of doom" line.
The lyrics do seem personal, might work for film/TV.
It is lacking a strong chorus, could benefit with a better chorus/hook.

Can this song stand alone with just guitar?
Yes, I like this format, the guitar sounds really good!

Should I have someone else singing it?
No, i think you have a really cool/unique voice, it's pleasant to listen to.

How is the mix?
Mix sounds pretty good, the vocal seems to be a little to the right side, I would make sure it's centered.
The whole mix seems just a tad bassy, not a show stopper, but it could use a little sparkle IMO.


I enjoyed listening to this!

[kendamkier]

Thanks Marc,
...and yes first degree was a typo(-:
I am truly exited and greatful having two members in this more pro forum
telling me that I can sing!
That's a longer story than apliable here, but thanks from my heart!
A better chorus/hook... it's in the book.
Panning a bit with only two sound sources is a habbit because I found it better for
having each one stand out, but I'll look into that.
Thanks for pointing it out.
About the mix I understand that the bass side of it should be looked over.
I'll apply your sugestions and bring this one to a higher level.
I've recieved very valuable information so far.

Thanks again.

Ken

[eeoo]

Hi Ken, welcome... I think this is a really beautiful song as is. The guitar is especially nice and you might do an instrumental mix for those types of listings because this vibe could be perfect and they come up often. Good stuff! eo.

[greggo]

Very beautiful song! I agree that you've got a great, unique voice, which fits the song very well, but it wouldn't hurt having a second or additional version with a different singer. I missed a couple good opportunities because I was using a singer from Romania and even though she spoke perfect English, her accent was noticeable to the experts when singing, therefore not suitable for the TV world. Might not be the case everywhere, just my experience. Best of luck!

Gregg

[kendamkier]

Thanks eo!

First of all for a welcome from you.

I'm exited having true helpfull responces...from you too.
I've been a taxi member for just 3 month and my submissions are awaiting responses and
I'm holding my breath for a while because finances are forcing me to stay calm(-:
After reading former reviews, I'm convinced that the song can stay as is regarding instrumentation.
Now I'm not sure about witch type of listings you are pointing out here?
If you read this, please explain further.
But I think I understand the importance of making instrumental versions and so I will learn to do.

Thanks so much for your input.

Ken

[kendamkier]

Hi Gregg,

I'm howling whooooeee for your comment "I agree that you've got a great, unique voice"
You are not the first to tell me this, but when it's ment in a positive manor, it is gold for me.
Thanks! (still I know I must work on learning to sing)
Imagine going through a long life untill you are over 50 before you hear someone telling you that.
I actually tried to have a pro singer doing my songs, but he replied that my songs were to personal and that I should sing them myself, well - I try now.
I'll hold your experiences close within next considerations.

Thanks again.

Ken

[kendamkier]

... oh Gregg, I forgot to ask.
Is my accent too bad?
I meen... what does a viking know?
Please let me know.

t.i.a.

Yoyr viking Ken