What Am I? - NEW MIX again...

[Mark Kaufman]

Here's a rocker in progress, just tracked the vocals and tossed it online for critique. All crits and comments most welcome!http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7057207What Am IWhat am I to youA voodoo dollA cushion for your pinsWhat am I to youA place to fallWhen the bottle gives you the spins Well I know just what you areYou're my brightly shining starYou're the strings of my guitarYes I know what you areBut what am I To youSomebody to loveOr just something to doWhat am I to youWhat am I to youA face and a name A place to lay your headWhat am I to youJust the same old flameWho's burning up your bedWell I know just what you areYou're so close and yet so farYes you're lightning in a jarYes I know what you areBut what am I To youSomebody to loveOr just something to doWhat am I To youWould you call it loveCan you make it trueWhat am I to youWhat am I to youAm I a chicken boneA little fast food from Kentucky?What am I to youSome kind of Blarney StoneThat you kiss when you ain't lucky?Well I know just what you areYou're my brightly shining starAnd you're what shakes up my guitarYes I see what you areBut what am I To youSomebody to loveOr just something to doWhat am I To youWould you call it loveCan you make it trueWhat am I to youCopyright 2008 by Mark Kaufman

[wrdsnmuzik]

I like this. Has a winning shaggy-dog air about it, in both lyric and performance. Nits:1) The rhythm guitar is buried, and the drums are pretty way back.2) The lyric swings between kinda iffy ("the bottle gives you the spins") and fookin' brilliant (love the "you're the strings on my guitar" line)3) Question of emphasis: When you sing "I know just what you are" feels like it should be "I know just what YOU are" . . to set up the hook of "so what am I?!?"4) The vocals are generally ok, sometimes the casual feel feels a little too casual, as in, could tighten up the pitch a bit.5) In the third verse, to differentiate it from the others, perhaps you could lose the harmony vocal, get a little stripped-down, more-direct vibe.My 2 drachma. Good work.

[billg]

Hey mark, cool song & I love the lyrics. The drums do sound pretty buried and also maybe a little "loose" with the bass. You've got some cool lines in here . . . I like "the same old flame who decorates your bed" . . .

[kitz]

Really Cool Rocker,Guitar on solo sounds pretty fuzzy. Love the lyrics. Seems the overall mix could use some punch on the bottom IMHO. Really great harmonies and chord changes. As stated before electric rhythm seems a bit buried as are drums. Probably a draft mix soKeep it up!!Kitz

[Mark Kaufman]

Nov 13, 2008, 9:26am, wrdsnmuzik wrote:I like this. Has a winning shaggy-dog air about it, in both lyric and performance. Nits:1) The rhythm guitar is buried, and the drums are pretty way back.2) The lyric swings between kinda iffy ("the bottle gives you the spins") and fookin' brilliant (love the "you're the strings on my guitar" line)3) Question of emphasis: When you sing "I know just what you are" feels like it should be "I know just what YOU are" . . to set up the hook of "so what am I?!?"4) The vocals are generally ok, sometimes the casual feel feels a little too casual, as in, could tighten up the pitch a bit.5) In the third verse, to differentiate it from the others, perhaps you could lose the harmony vocal, get a little stripped-down, more-direct vibe.My 2 drachma. Good work.Thanks for some great input, wrdsnmuzik! Yes it's all pretty raw right now....I recorded the music Wednesday and the vocals very early this morning. Once I fix these vocals I'll try to get a good mix going. The chorus is chaos right now, but this is when I appreciate input the most. Thanks again! -Mark

[Mark Kaufman]

Nov 13, 2008, 9:33am, billg wrote:Hey mark, cool song & I love the lyrics. The drums do sound pretty buried and also maybe a little "loose" with the bass. You've got some cool lines in here . . . I like "the same old flame who decorates your bed" . . . LOL, that was the one phrase someone else didn't like. Now it's back to even, so maybe I'll keep it...I was thinking of doing something along the lines of that old flame "warming up the bed" or heating it or whatever.Thanks for the ears on the mix...I will adjust after I get these vocals right.Thanks!-Mark

[Mark Kaufman]

Nov 13, 2008, 10:13am, kitz wrote:Really Cool Rocker,Guitar on solo sounds pretty fuzzy. Love the lyrics. Seems the overall mix could use some punch on the bottom IMHO. Really great harmonies and chord changes. As stated before electric rhythm seems a bit buried as are drums. Probably a draft mix soKeep it up!!KitzThanks, Kitz! Your thoughts will help me on the mixdown. I don't like the guitar effect either, I dialed it in impatiently...I'll play around with that.Thanks again!-Mark

[feaker]

markLively little sucker.Less the lyrics, sorta 65 Beatle-ish? In a good way.I will be singing 'what am i to you" all evening now.good jobPaul

[devin]

I'm liking this too Mark! I liked your "bed" line, so I guess that swings it back to +ve ground. I love the vocal melody, and the lyric has just enough good lines in it (you know, just enough of them to make me smile when they hit, and not too many that gives me a headache trying to catch them all). I also liked "Somebody to loveOr just something to do".My humble $0.02 is the mix has a ways to go, as you already mentioned...so no big news there. My thoughts on the arrangement/production that might be new:- the intro takes 2-3 seconds to establish where it's going, I'd vote to just get into your vibe right off the top. That way you can keep or sweep the ending chaos that's in there now...nothing wrong with a little meltdown at the end, just like all those bad relationships we've seen (caused )- piano has a great tone/cadence...might be a bit close to "Werewolves of London"...I dunno if that's good/badAgain, your vocal line and chorus writing are just great, I know you'll nail the performance too. To me the vocal melody is really important, as that's what is going to be remembered after the listen. Let's hope Feaker's wife doesn't think he's singing to her tonight, or you may have to write a make up song tomorrow. Great start on this tune!!P.S. Edited: wordsnmuzik's point #3 is subtle, but really a great suggestion. One of those little details that shows the craft, you know?That's my text on it...please take what you want, and just ignore the rest...I'm a fan of this tune either way.

[aldicicco]

Hi Mark,Cool tune. I really enjoyed your lyrics. Personally, the Blarney Stone line made me smile.I liked its bar room quality too.As a piano player, I'd brighten up the keys a little by playing more octaves than triads. Sort of Lynyrd Skynyrd type stuff. Even with the keys in the background, I think it will brighten things up a bit. And keep the same rythm going.Thanks for sharing this.Al Di Cicco