What Passes For the Past demo

[good4somethingbum]

Steve, I just tune him out same as everywhere else.

[horacejesse]

I had to come nack to this one to tell you that "Shadows roosting on rusty nails," is one of the greatest images you have come up with. Absolutely incredible. Sounds like world literature, man.

[good4somethingbum]

thanks Horace.

[horacejesse]

Excellent song but it is not done IMO, Couch. You have cut a fine load of wood, now the melody has to ignite it.The overall feel and vibe of the music is good.Those end line repetitions are a bit dreary, and I know there is plenty of justification for that in the character's dreary life, but you have the same melody in the verses as in the chorus, so it becomes too redundant.That melody feels natural to the chorus, less so to the verses. Bluntly, I think you/Carmichael should re-write the melody to the verses. Once you get some sectional contrast, this peach of a song will get better by several magnitudes, and you will be seriously close to a great song.Quote:Mornings just serve to remind meThat my future is behind meThe melody here provides a really welcome contrast. I felt myself wanting, thirsting for more of it. Have you considered moving it forward, perhaps as a pre-chorus?1. Rewrite melody to verses 2. Bring mini-bridge forward as pre-chorus.I like the way the music stops before the last line of the chorus.Well, I hope you accept unslolicted critiques over here. I know you are a homebody who just stays in his own thread, you good4something master lyric machine. If not, I hope you accept apologies. Sorry if I made too much noise in your house. But I think you got high bar potential here, otherwise I would not bother with so many words. This is the short version. You should have seen the one I lost because my login expired on me. Didn't used to lose the post when that happened.

[good4somethingbum]

thanks Horace...the song's already signed and being pitched so we probably won't make any changes unless asked to by the publisher.