Worktape/Lyrics - I Don't Belong

[Len911]

Ron, I just realized I was debating your interpretation of the lyrics and not the actual lyrics of the song, that was stupid.

Because the hook, "I don't belong" is universal, I don't think it would be limited to a specific goal.

[Casey H]

I like the original lyrics better (other than maybe removing "belong" outside the chorus)... It has a nice feel.

Thinking about it more, "I Don't Belong" might be a nice universal emotion for film/TV.

It feels like it fades out before V3. Is that intentional? Maybe that's just a worktape thing.

Good luck!
Casey

[RonKujawa]

Len - No problem. It made me rethink things from another angle. Nothing wrong with that.

Casey - Thanks, I like "I Don't Belong" better too. Regarding "fade" before V3, it is an intentional drop in dynamic. No level change on the guitar, but I brought the cello down.

Thank you for all your input. I think I'll stick with "I Don't Belong", but work out the prosody. I'm going to play with changing the chords in chorus 3 to give it a less dissonant feel and more resolve.

Ron

[Casey H]

Ron
Check out the Taxi TV from tonight (9/24)! It was played and you got some valuable feedback regarding it's film/TV marketability!

Casey

[RonKujawa]

Thanks for the heads-up, Casey! I very much appreciate you pointing this out for me.

I actually was watching live, but did not have the ability to join the chat room. The feedback was great to hear. At the time I was writing this, I really thought it was a universal lyric that could be used in lots of scenes, but now I can see their point. Although I didn't use specific names, places, times, etc. I can see that the specific things the singer is thinking about could limit how the song could be used.

I was surprised and frankly very pleased that they thought it would play to younger audience, since I myself am not so much in that younger audience anymore.

It would have been nice to be in the chat room as I'd be interested to see what the viewers had to say. I tried to scroll through quickly on my small tablet, but only caught a couple comments.

I'm planning on leaving these lyrics alone and using their feedback as I go forward writing new sogns. I do think I will try something with the arrangement to start building at the second verse. I'm thinking percussion and a bass line. There are a few vocal pitch issues that need to be fixed too.

Ron

[mazey]

Hi Ron... I wasn't in the mood tonight for a song to speak to me.. just play for me. This one did the trick. It was a really good listen, and just what I needed.

I've had a quick read of the lyrics, but haven't got anything further to add as I'm not in that type of mood tonight... just a songwriter, wanting to listen to someone as committed as you obviously are to this song.

Really enjoyed it thanks.

[Casey H]

Hey Ron
As important and valuable as this feedback is, it's always good to not to rush to change anything based on any one person's critique. You have something that has market potential for the right film/TV situation. Keep pitching it, see if you get more feedback (even better would be deals!) and move on to the next one.

It has a really nice feel, it is youthful as was said, and there may be situations where the hook "I Don't Belong" is the right one. You never know!

Good luck!
Casey

[RonKujawa]

@mazey - Thank you very much for listening and taking the time to make your comments. Very much appreciated, my friend.

@Casey - That seems like very wise advise. Thanks again for your help on this one.

Ron

[RonKujawa]

Hi all! Based on the listing below, would you submit this song?

http://soundcloud.com/ronkujawa/i-dont-belong

----------------------------
ROCKSTAR Music Supervisor needs INDIE SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS in the range of James Blunt, Trent Daubs, Sara Bareilles, Rosi Golan, etc., for a HIT television series. The key is for the song to have a FRESH, CONTEMPORARY, INDIE STYLE with a unique, modern sound. The songs must be able to create an ambiance that will add to the mood of a scene, yet leave room for dialog as well. Over-the-top sentimental love songs will NOT work for this one! The best kind of songs for this listing are CURRENT SOUNDING, and able to fit a number of different types of scenes. UNIVERSAL LYRICS are a must, with no specific names, places, or overly-detailed story lines.
----------------------------

[mojobone]

This is one of the longer and more productive threads I've seen in Peer To Peer, and though I didn't hear the earlier versions, I still have a few comments. First, Len's suggestions regarding prosody are spot on; there's no reason the lyrics can't be revamped to put the melodic stress on the important words, to keep the lyric and melody consonant. (but don't change the verse melody; you've got something that works) Second, this song needs a bridge, imo. Thirdly, from a production standpoint, I think the vocal could be brightened up with some compression and EQ, cuz this is a message song, and the lyrics need to be crystal clear. It needs to have enough highs to be understood when played at a relatively low volume. This could really be magical with a little more effort and attention to detail; it's already great, but you want to put it over the top, make it undeniable. You're almost there!