Writing All His Wrongs

[Casey H]

Hi LinzIn the first version there were just too many pronoun changes. The re-write is much better. I didn't get to look at it in fine detail but I read the original and was just about to post, then I saw the improvement... Yea, gotta keep it simple... plain as day what's going on. Casey

[linziellen]

Thank you.

[momof4]

2nd version SO much better, Linzi! the switching point-of-view in the first one is a big songwriting faux pas, so i'm glad you "righted your wrongs!" hahahaseriously, love the second version - very nice!erin

[squids]

Linzi!! You know how I love your lyrics. This second version is suweet!! Love it! Especially love the new lil bridge toward the end about there ain't no way he's leavin' you. Heh. I got caught a bit on the 'fine tune' in the first verse. I think it's jes me though......I can't quite figure that line out, I'm sorry! Would you consider me impertinent if I suggested switchin' the 'drawing board' to 'keyboard' since you're usin' the piano to out him? It'll still fit the rhythm and keep it very clear, no confusion about your artistic bent in the song! I really like this and it doesn't need changes if you don't want, jes threw them out there. Love this song, especially this version!

[linziellen]

Thank you Squids, that's cool! The more the merrier I was wondering about those lines. We say "to some fine tune" quite often (that's me and my family) , I hesitated but it seemed to fit in with the song writing idea. And "drawing board" was the idea of sketching, writing, and composing the song, plus I liked the 3 syllables but that can be adjusted too! Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it, I'll have another study over the weekend. Not sure the beginning is quite right either, the "princess" thing, it's cliche no?! Hmm Hope you're well.Linzi

[wignelson]

Nice, Linzi.My only nit is I would ditch the word "And" in the piano line. It's not needed and you stumble reading it.It's just what I call a "grace word" that a singer can use or not use according to the cadence, but not necessary. Wig

[ontariolightning]

I like your second write betterAnd they say I’m in denialThat I’ll wake up some dayBut there ain’t no way he’s leaving meWith nothing left to playCouldn't have written a more fitting bridge for thisVery good!

[erandall]

Hi I'm new to this forum, but I just wanted to weigh in on your fabulous rewrite! I love the new bridge! My only question is regarding the hook: I'm not sure that when it's sung, and listeners don't have the lyrics in front of them, they will get that it's "writing" as opposed to "righting" all his wrongs. I personally don't think it matters, but I was wondering if you'd thought about that. DId you also decide that it doesn't matter? (It becomes clear as the song develops, I think.)Anyway, great song. Can't wait to hear it!Cheers,Ellen

[littlestfly]

Linz,Great hook!!!! That is the one when you say damn i wish i thought of that!!!! I like the he/she/i/you i'm not confused reading it i just think of it as a love square instead of a triangle oh by the way the bridge makes me feel like i'm in the middle of all this, i don't know if it makes anyone else feel that way but the 4th line on the bridge, you? could be her? him? but i see it as the person who is hearing the song? i am wrong im sure but i like it that way makes me feel closer to the people in the song hehehe Of course he’ll never leave her Of course that it’s all trueOf course that she believes him Of course she wrote this song for youanyway it flows great. good job. Craig

[linziellen]

Hi and thanks for the above comments. Thanks Aaron, glad you liked!I'll probably scrap the "and" Wig, it felt right at the time but no it's not really needed, but I, and well, oh OK!Hi Ellen, I hadn't really thought about that too much, you have a point there. Maybe something like "writing all his wrongs by singing all his songs" would be cool but I don't want to complicate matters! I'll have a think about it, thank you.Thanks Craig, I wrote the first bridge with that in mind. It's funny how sometimes when reading a lyric, you get captured in the moment and think "is this me sounds like me" lol!Got to concentrate on the music now, nearly there LinziPS - I actually came up with the hook a few months ago. Anyone remember the "Everyone write this song" thread? Just as that thread was cooling off there was a bit of a scuffle between some of the members here (in a different thread)...I genuinely don't remember what now. I almost started a fresh thread with the title "Everyone write this wrong" as a peace offering! But I kept it to myself and kept it in mind ever since, never thought I'd get a song out of it but the idea fell into place the other evening.Just shows you how these things do settle, the idea I mean...and fortunately the argument settled too!