YOU NEVER LEAVE - Wrap Up?

[derekmcfarland]

OK, I've listened to the new version several times now...Lots good. The song is "sticky" and I remember a lot of your lines.My remaining suggestions:I liked your original phrasing (better) on: "I still look for you""poured a cup for you""And a broken sun visor""Lying to myself will never fake it" is a lot of syllables to fit in that line."when" in your hook could be confusing to some. I know you've tried several. Did you try "'cause?"I look forward to hearing the final demo. I want a copy for my iPod Derek

[jwebbinspired]

Thanks Warren I'm glad you liked it that much. And yes, I am very proud, this is the 12th rewrite of this song, it's kind of like a child Thanks Derek, I think my phrasing problems were a product of trying to increase the tempo too much. I'm going to slow it down a bit, somewhere between the original and this version. And I think I might change "Lying to myself will never fake it" to "lying to myself can't fake it" if slowing the tempo down doesn't sufficently repair the problem. Yes, I used "cause" before but I got some comments to try something else. But I do like "cause" better. "You're gone cause you never leave": I think the problem was that it might be taken too literally. But I'm leaning toward using it anyway. Thanks everyone for your input. I think this song is on the pro-demo lineup. I'm listen up for anyone comments. I won't be getting demos for a couple weeks yet. Do you guys think I can get away with just a guitar/vocal?Andy

[jwebbinspired]

Kel, Thanks man. I appreciate your tears. I think I will keep this very low key when I have it demoed. Probably two guitars and a vocal or something simple like that....I like the idea of a simple demo just for the price. Andy

[momof4]

thanks, matt! (sorry to hijack...)

[jwebbinspired]

Hey Erin, good to hear from you! Congrats, and you are welcome to hi-jack any of my threads if it has to do with a new addition to your family Thanks for chiming in. I'm glad you commented on the bridge, because I have never been happy with the bridge. Do you think it is good melodically and the problem is the lyrics? Or the other way around, or both? lolAndy