Youthful Song Listing

[nylyrics]

Hi All:

So this listing below mentions what type of lyrics they are looking for "somewhat youthful but not Juvenile"

So my question is based on this listing do the lyrics I've shown below work for this listing. This would be for a youthful sounding female vocal. I have a melody for it too but I figured I would start here to see if this is on track for this listing??

Thanks in advance - ANDY

CONTEMPORARY, ACOUSTIC-BASED (Piano and/or Guitar) SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS with Female Vocals are needed by a great Film/TV Music Publisher for placements in a variety of TV shows. They're looking for emotionally engaging, Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs in the stylistic wheelhouse of acts like Christina Perri, A Fine Frenzy, Skylar Grey, etc., etc., etc. Quoting the source: "The most important part of the request is that the music needs to sound really current, not dated. Also, the vocals and lyrics should be somewhat youthful, but not juvenile." Please submit original Songs with organic instrumentation, memorable melodies, engaging lyrics, and a cool, contemporary sounding vocal performance. Introspective lyric themes about love and relationships could work well, but they're definitely open to other lyric ideas. Universal lyrics are needed, so please avoid using specific names, places, dates, times, brands, and profanity. Do not copy or rip off the referenced artists or songs in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a general guide for tempo, texture, and tone. Broadcast Quality is needed (great sounding home recordings are fine). You'll split all sync fees 50/50 with this company. This is an EXCLUSIVE, three-year, 50/50 deal. You'll keep 100% of your Writer's share, and the Publisher will get 100% of the Publisher's share. Since this company offers an EXCLUSIVE deal, please be sure your material is NOT already signed to any other Libraries or Catalogs. You must own or control your Master and Copyright. Please submit one to three Songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened on a Yes/No basis by a TAXI screener handpicked by the Publisher - No full critiques. Submissions must be received no later than 11:59PM (PDT), on Saturday, August 29, 2015. TAXI #Y150829SS


Wrong For You
©2015 Andy Mackay

Verse 1
I had to see electric in your eyes
You had to try kissing me a second time
You couldn’t be the weaker type
Give up when I put up a fight
When you walked away you had to turn and smile
I wish you didn’t turn around and smile

Chorus

I’m wrong for you that’s what I’ll say
I’m no good for you stay away
You don’t need me to complicate your life
I’ll mess you up make you crazy
I’m bad at love but please don’t hate me
Believe what I say not what I do
I’m wrong for you….

Verse 2
This was gonna be my time to breathe
A chance to take a break before someone breaks me
Time to get to know myself
Take care of me an no one else
I swore I wouldn’t let someone get this close
You’re feeling too close

Chorus

I’m wrong for you that’s what I’ll say
I’m no good for you stay away
You don’t need me to complicate your life
I’ll mess you up make you crazy
I’m bad at love but please don’t hate me
Believe what I say not what I do
I’m wrong for you….

Bridge:

Maybe if I shut down
Hey it’s all good fun and fooling around
Missing out that might be worse
What if I did let you in
My heart could break again
Someone always ends up hurt

Chorus

[mikemichnya]

Hey Andy,

It's not really my genre, but I have a 13 year old daughter, who recently was a fan of shows like Victorious, iCarly, Drake and Josh, etc. (and one whose name escapes me but was about a teenage songwriter w/stage fright and her friend with a performing career), so when I hear youthful, not juvenile, I think 'high school musical...' but who the hell knows what that really means. That said, I think you've got a great start with these lyrics.

My suggestions are IN CAPS, comment in ( ) below:

Wrong For You
©2015 Andy Mackay

Verse 1
I had to see electric in your eyes
You had to KISS me a second time
You couldn’t be the weaker type (This line felt like a speed bump. I had to ask myself what you meant by it.)
Give up when I put up a fight (Consider rewriting these two lines to highlight her unexpectedly falling for him...)
When you walked away you had to turn and smile (great line!!)
I wish you didn’t turn around and smile (Great payoff!!)

Chorus

I’m wrong for you that’s what I’ll say
I’m no good for you stay away
You don’t need me to complicate your life (too adult... Try something that stays with the "I" theme AND rhymes with 'you')
I’ll mess you up make you crazy
I’m bad at love but please don’t hate me (the "crazy/hate me" rhyme is cool!)
PLEASE Believe THIS LIE IS TRUE
I’m wrong for you….

Verse 2 (Consider a different rhyme scheme for the verses: ABABxx, instead of AABBxx. I'd change verse 1 to match...)
This was gonna be my time to breathe
Time to get to know myself
A chance to take a break before someone breaks me (too wordy and complicated. try "A chance for once to just be free"
Take care of me an' no one else
I swore I wouldn’t let someone get this close
I WISH YOU DIDN'T FEEL SO close (revisit the pattern from the first verse w/similar wording

Chorus

The bridge feels too long and contradictory. Verse 1 told us about the surprise and unwanted attraction the singer feels; verse 2 told us why he's wrong for her, the chorus expresses all the (fake) reasons why she's 'wrong for you." I suggest cutting the bridge in half to either side of the fence. IMHO, rather than reflecting her ambivalence, reflecting her resolve to put him off leads more naturally back to the chorus:

If I broke down and let you in
My heart would only break again
Someone always ends up hurt

In any case, I think you're in the right ball park. Check out some of the referenced artists and some of the TV shows their songs might be used in. Think like a teen or 20-something girl!

Good luck!

[nylyrics]

Mike:

Thanks for the excellent input. I have two young boys so I was for sure getting my exact age thoughts off perhaps.
I'm not really sure the age they are asking for exactly but i like your suggestions. Greatly appreciated.

Andy

[feaker66]

Hi Andy

really liked the chorus parts "I’ll mess you up make you crazy
I’m bad at love but please don’t hate me"

great stuff

Sincerely

Paul

[joyfrost]

I second Paul! That was my favorite line too! It definitely felt like something my 16 year old sister would be texting about her relationships. +1 on Mike's comment It sounded very youthful to me! I do happen to be a young 20 something girl so I'm kind of an expert on the subject As far as the comment about the complicated line, I personally don't think that it was too adult. In my experience, complicated is definitely a word used by teens all the time

[LyricsMatter]

Hi Andy,

I love the art form so thanks in advance for giving me the opportunity to practice!

Wrong For You
©2015 Andy Mackay

[Verse 1:]
Jolted me with your electric stare
Your Romeo lips and wind blown hair
Your power play made me weak
Put up a fight if I could breathe
And that over-the-shoulder see ya later glance
When you turned and smiled put me in a trance

[Chorus:]
I’m wrong for you that’s what I’ll say
No good for you better stay away
You don’t need me trippin’ up your days
I’ll mess you up and make you crazy
I’m bad at love but please don’t hate me
Just wind up cursing the day you met me
(‘Cause boy - optional) I’m wrong for you

[Verse 2:]
Had promised myself a little time to breath
Carve some space, take a break, set free
Time to get to know myself
Take care of me and no one else
Oh I swore I wouldn’t go down this road
But you make me wanna eat my words

[Chorus:]
I’m wrong for you that’s what I’ll say
No good for you better stay away
You don’t need me trippin’ up your days
I’ll mess you up and make you crazy
I’m bad at love but please don’t hate me
Just wind up cursing the day you met me
(‘Cause boy - optional) I’m wrong for you

[Bridge:]
But oooooh
Do I really wanna pass this up?
A little fun never hurt no one
Crazy love’s a tricky game
Enough to drive a girl insane
So listen handsome to what I’m sayin’
Better look don’t touch ‘cause this girl‘s danger

[Chorus:]
I’m wrong for you that’s what I’ll say
No good for you better stay away
You don’t need me trippin’ up your days
I’ll mess you up and make you crazy
I’m bad at love but please don’t hate me
Just wind up cursing the day you met me
(‘Cause boy - optional) I’m wrong for you

[Ad lib - optional]
Better run along and don’t look back
‘Cause boy I’m wrong for you