3 easiest ways to improve your song: Get reviewed!

[smaltonian]

FrodoWell timely forum...I'm wrapping up this tune..."When she leaves this time"..........BUT.....After 12 rewrites & countless revisions...It's close to being done....(I said that 11 re-writes ago too)....Not quite finished....To me it's simply a "work-tape"... Although others have stated otherwise.....However, feel free to comment on the production and performance as you see it....Although this was not done in the main studio I use on all my finished products....That will be the final step.... ThanksSteve Altonianwww.soundclick.com/stevealtonian“When she leaves this time”One last final walk through the houseHer purse and suitcase lay on the couchShe takes a deep breath and turns off her cell phoneThoughts of failure flow through her headThis is the day she knew she’d always dreadStepping out into the great unknownAs she pulls her car into the streetShe slips the ring off her finger and starts to pick up speed (CHORUS):“When she leaves this time”She won't be looking back no moreA young dove in flightSpreading out her wings to soar And she won't be there when he gets home tonightAnd she won’t change her mind like she’s done a hundred other times“When she leaves this time”“When she leaves this time”Cruising down the coast on Highway 101She drops the top down and soaks up the sun Feeling stronger every mile she goes The ocean breeze blows away her fearsBefore she knows it, it’s dried every tearTherein lies the magic of the open roadAs the sun’s setting into the seaShe begins to remember what it’s like to be free(CHORUS):“When she leaves this time”She won't be looking back no moreA young dove in flightSpreading out her wings to soar And she won't be there when he gets home tonightAnd she won’t change her mind like she’s done a hundred other times“When she leaves this time”(MUSICAL BRIDGE)(FINAL CHORUS):“When she leaves this time”He’ll find a purple note on the doorBaby we triedI slid the key under the doorYou see I won’t be there when you get home tonightAnd I won’t change my mind like I’ve done a hundred other times“When I leave this time”“When I leave this time”© 2008 Steve Altonian & Butch Price

[pesmitty]

Hi Frodo,How about checking out "The Song I Didn't Write" for me at www.perrysmith.com - just click play on the player and click the lyric button for lyrics while it's playing. Thanks,Perry

[cameron]

Man, nice stuff everyone! Either you guys are getting better or I'm getting worse.Cam

[frodo]

Aug 4, 2008, 6:52pm, heinsite wrote:here's a try for you, old home production, and miracle it got cleaned up this well--honestly of course, like always:http://www.taximusic.com/download/23170 ... snip)Hello heinsite,I couldn't get the link to work - I see from your Taxi-page you have a song with the same title, still, the file to download has a slightly different name.Give me some directions here, or maybe correct the link, and I'll listen to it and do the 3-improve review.- until next timefrodo

[frodo]

Aug 4, 2008, 8:01pm, cameron wrote:Hey Frodo,If you could give me some advise on my song "Mothers Day" that's on the boards right now, that would be great. The comments have been pretty favorable but I get this feeling that everyone's being too nice 'cause I hear things that I KNOW need fixing. Here's the link:http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... anks,CamHi Cam, Here's the three areas to look into, in my view:1. Try to make the piano and the voice sound like they're in the same room, or at least a little bit closer.The piano is very dry, and the vocal is very wet - making it sound less than a record and more like a two-piece lounge band with a digital piano player and a vocalist, or like karaoke. Using a concert hall convolution reverb for both the piano and the vocal, with a low convolution plate in addition, would probably do it.2. The big vibrato sound on the vocal sound a litte bit old-fashioned, and more like an 'entertainer' singing it, than an artist. Here a new recording with the singer focusing on projecting the meaning, instead of 'singing', would enhance the song.3. From 1:14 or so, it would have been nice with some lush strings/violins, commenting the melody and providing a melodic and breathy atmospheric vibe.- until next timefrodo

[frodo]

Aug 4, 2008, 8:45pm, smaltonian wrote:FrodoWell timely forum...I'm wrapping up this tune..."When she leaves this time"..........BUT.....After 12 rewrites & countless revisions...It's close to being done....(I said that 11 re-writes ago too)....Not quite finished....To me it's simply a "work-tape"... Although others have stated otherwise.....However, feel free to comment on the production and performance as you see it....Although this was not done in the main studio I use on all my finished products....That will be the final step.... ThanksSteve Altonianwww.soundclick.com/stevealtonian“When she leaves this time”One last final walk through the houseHer purse and suitcase lay on the couchShe takes a deep breath and turns off her cell phoneThoughts of failure flow through her headThis is the day she knew she’d always dreadStepping out into the great unknownAs she pulls her car into the streetShe slips the ring off her finger and starts to pick up speed (CHORUS):“When she leaves this time”She won't be looking back no moreA young dove in flightSpreading out her wings to soar And she won't be there when he gets home tonightAnd she won’t change her mind like she’s done a hundred other times“When she leaves this time”“When she leaves this time”Cruising down the coast on Highway 101She drops the top down and soaks up the sun Feeling stronger every mile she goes The ocean breeze blows away her fearsBefore she knows it, it’s dried every tearTherein lies the magic of the open roadAs the sun’s setting into the seaShe begins to remember what it’s like to be free(CHORUS):“When she leaves this time”She won't be looking back no moreA young dove in flightSpreading out her wings to soar And she won't be there when he gets home tonightAnd she won’t change her mind like she’s done a hundred other times“When she leaves this time”(MUSICAL BRIDGE)(FINAL CHORUS):“When she leaves this time”He’ll find a purple note on the doorBaby we triedI slid the key under the doorYou see I won’t be there when you get home tonightAnd I won’t change my mind like I’ve done a hundred other times“When I leave this time”“When I leave this time”© 2008 Steve Altonian & Butch PriceHi Steve,Here's the three areas to look into, in my view:1. The mix is very dry and two-dimentional and has bit to much hi-end in the mix. Try easing down on the hi-end, and use a de-esser and an extra compressor or two on your voice. Try to compress the drums and the bass together in group, to get them a little bit more 'together' and having a bit more impact in the song.The drums are a clear weak link here, sounding like an old drum machine, but the bass is also a bit untight, and could use some tightening up.2. Add some backing vocals in the prehook and chorous, like 4 or 5 dubbed voices, singing softly and smooth, spread generoulsy to the left and the right.3. The breakdown at around 3:10 doesn't work, try building down better to it, now it sounds like 'oh, yeah, - there's also a breakdown here'.- until next timefrodo

[frodo]

Aug 4, 2008, 8:56pm, pesmitty wrote:Hi Frodo,How about checking out "The Song I Didn't Write" for me at www.perrysmith.com - just click play on the player and click the lyric button for lyrics while it's playing. Thanks,PerryHi Perry, Here's the three areas to look into, in my view:1. Try putting a de-esser on the vocal. Also, the vocal could be a little bit higher in the mix.2. The transition into the chorus at 0:50 doesn't work, maybe just add an extra half bar or so here, so you can build up, better. The transition from the chorus is also week. Same with many of the other transitions later in the song, a little week.3. Raise the level on the backing vocals on the chorus, and pan them more left and right, and add some ping pong echo's to them, or something to the same effect, - to help get the chorus 'lift' more.- until next timefrodo

[smaltonian]

FRODOThanks fot the time....Believe me this won't fly...It's a production work-tape...And nothing moreI was more interested in this point in the actual tune...But I should of stressed that instead of saying go ahead if you want to evaluate production...Anyways thanks alot

[cameron]

Frodo,Good comments on mine, thanks. One of the things that has bugged me about this track is that the piano sounds a bit too mechanical, but you're the first person who's mentioned it. I recorded it to a midi sequencer (something I don't often do) and the playback has always had a hint of robo-man to it to my ear. I wasn't sure if it was because of the midi or that my performance was wooden to start with.Good point about the verb needing to be the same on both the piano and vocals.Cameron

[pesmitty]

Wow, Frodo, thanks for all that detail. A taxi screener said he does not think the chorus goes with the verses. Now that you have said what you have, I think it may be more about the "transitions" rather than about whether they actually go together.Thanks for the time. You are a generous man.Perry