Ala Green Day, quick critique anyone?!? :)

[sgs4u]

Quote:Quote:Well, you know a trick some of us have learned . . . you can keep updating your song file until they actually listen to it. That might be Monday, so you'd have all weekend. That is a fantastic tip!!! Keep on tweakin' baby.I've still got quite a bit of tweaking to do, but we are gonna end up with a really good song, even if there's no forward. I sure like that part. I don't do much stuff like this, and it's fun...re: Defined tell me whachy'all think, and keep it real steve

[gendron]

Steve and ? (someone ),"Redefined" has some good musical variety... changes are interesting and unpredictable. The composition is cool, emotional and intense at all the right points. The vocal performance starts GREAT and remains strong for a good portion of the song. Unfortunately, the singer has some trouble keeping up with the melody. Especially towards the end, where the enunciation/articulation problem kinda spoils an otherwise awesome ending! Another minor issue concerns your hook. Why did you chose to "re-e-defined" ? Will four syllables make the hook more memorable or does it satisfy a melodic requirement? Could you hold the first syllable longer... or is it absolutely necessary to go for 4? Jus' curious.Now let's talk about your "bah" sounds... yes, they're cool between your intro and first verse. But they're less satisfying leading into your chorus... dissonant sounding. Was this a conscience decision, on your part, to create tension? or am I hearing things? The taunting la, la sounds are an appropriate layer under the climaxing vocals, smart decision. Love them. The little things that mean a lot. Well, them are my thoughts... and questions. Some concerns but for the most part... this is, as you already know, a really good song.Silence Quote:Quote:That is a fantastic tip!!! Keep on tweakin' baby.I've still got quite a bit of tweaking to do, but we are gonna end up with a really good song, even if there's no forward. I sure like that part. I don't do much stuff like this, and it's fun...re: Defined tell me whachy'all think, and keep it real steve

[billg]

hey Steve, very cool song. The singer reminds me a little (especially in the verses) of Glenn Tillbrook (sp?) . . . kind of ironic, he was the lead singer in Squeeze , you were talking about them in another post. I really like the song-

[Casey H]

Nice song!! Even if it's not good for this listing you've got a winner for something else. Did you listen to samples of Arctic Monkeys, Shins, etc on a site like iTunes or Amazon?I hear this as a bit "softer" and a touch off-genre for GD... But it sounds like they are casting a slightly wider net by mentioning "indie", etc. If you are in the ballpark, I'd say submit it. It is really GREAT song! Casey

[bc]

Quote:re: Definedtell me whachy'all think, and keep it realFirst chance I've had to give it a good listen. This is just a first impression; kind of like the song was a pebble tossed into the water and I'm sitting on the bank just watching the ripples. Melody and vocal phrasing grabbed my attention and held it. I liked the syncopated lines -- they were pleasing to the ear. The lyrics are ok. But their impact would be waaay more compelling if they would take some kind of personal responsibility instead of pointing a finger at the predictable straw man villain. Somehow incorporating the 3 fingers that point back would add an interesting and realistic dimension. Enough with the screamin' inside. Get off your victim arse and do something! jus' my 2c

[sgs4u]

thx Brianthe lyric thing, well the Green Day lyric isn't taking much responsibility, but I agree that the lyric will have a better shot from another angle, NOT only about screaming and being angry.'cause I ain't no victim, let's hope the singer/lyricist agrees.Quote:Quote:re: Definedtell me whachy'all think, and keep it realFirst chance I've had to give it a good listen. This is just a first impression; kind of like the song was a pebble tossed into the water and I'm sitting on the bank just watching the ripples. Melody and vocal phrasing grabbed my attention and held it. I liked the syncopated lines -- they were pleasing to the ear. The lyrics are ok. But their impact would be waaay more compelling if they would take some kind of personal responsibility instead of pointing a finger at the predictable straw man villain. Somehow incorporating the 3 fingers that point back would add an interesting and realistic dimension. Enough with the screamin' inside. Get off your victim arse and do something! jus' my 2c

[sgs4u]

thx Casey, you are pretty much my guru (in case you didn't know) of knowing what a listing calls for, so you're opinion means a lot.We did listen to the other a las. They are much less smooth, and more frantic. We do wanna get the track to be a lot heavier still..., too soft is like a limp penis when you need it the most... Really trying to fit the listing, as best we can. Another drum track today is gonna help, too. Quote:Nice song!! Even if it's not good for this listing you've got a winner for something else. Did you listen to samples of Arctic Monkeys, Shins, etc on a site like iTunes or Amazon?I hear this as a bit "softer" and a touch off-genre for GD... But it sounds like they are casting a slightly wider net by mentioning "indie", etc. If you are in the ballpark, I'd say submit it. It is really GREAT song! Casey

[sgs4u]

It's my buddy Dave..., I've been waiting about 7 years to work with him. we actually share the same birthday as well. The vocals are scratches, to get the tune off the ground. Hopefully we'll have some time for another take. the 4 note redefined came with the song idea. It could be changed, but it's not bugging me that much. Weak links eventually show themselves as others stuff gets fixed. So you likely have a great suggestion, and we'll have a look at that melody too.That aahs are still dreadfully outta tune, that'll get fixed, they might be making the tune too NICE, anyway.thx for NOT being silent, SilenceQuote:Steve and ? (someone ),"Redefined" has some good musical variety... changes are interesting and unpredictable. The composition is cool, emotional and intense at all the right points. The vocal performance starts GREAT and remains strong for a good portion of the song. Unfortunately, the singer has some trouble keeping up with the melody. Especially towards the end, where the enunciation/articulation problem kinda spoils an otherwise awesome ending! Another minor issue concerns your hook. Why did you chose to "re-e-defined" ? Will four syllables make the hook more memorable or does it satisfy a melodic requirement? Could you hold the first syllable longer... or is it absolutely necessary to go for 4? Jus' curious.Now let's talk about your "bah" sounds... yes, they're cool between your intro and first verse. But they're less satisfying leading into your chorus... dissonant sounding. Was this a conscience decision, on your part, to create tension? or am I hearing things? The taunting la, la sounds are an appropriate layer under the climaxing vocals, smart decision. Love them. The little things that mean a lot. Well, them are my thoughts... and questions. Some concerns but for the most part... this is, as you already know, a really good song.Silence Quote:I've still got quite a bit of tweaking to do, but we are gonna end up with a really good song, even if there's no forward. I sure like that part. I don't do much stuff like this, and it's fun...re: Defined tell me whachy'all think, and keep it real steve

[sgs4u]

thx Bill yeah Squeeze will always be on my favorites list, too.Quote:hey Steve, very cool song. The singer reminds me a little (especially in the verses) of Glenn Tillbrook (sp?) . . . kind of ironic, he was the lead singer in Squeeze , you were talking about them in another post. I really like the song-

[aubreyz]

Dan,Very good tune. I dig it. As far as this listing goes, it may get forwarded because of the quality, but it doesn't seem to hit either GD or the more indie/hip alas. No reflection on the song though -- solid stuff. Just a little too mainstream for how I read the listing.I had a decent idea for this listing, but couldn't find a slot to produce anything... best of luck.Aub