Anything less than 6 in a critique?

[Casey H]

SteveI didn't quote your last post in this reply- I kept running out of disk space... Lighten up, my (not yet) friend... I hope you can tell from my posts that I was never serious & don't you think you are taking this bad review a little to hard? The only reason I even posted about my feedback was, albeit self-serving, that I noticed there was a lot on target in what I said-- the music needed energy to match the lyrics. I'm guilty of gloating there... I also mentioned what happened to me with a song for which I did lyrics and someone else did music- I got trashed.... So, I've been there.You know you have to have very thick skin in this business. And you have the writing and studio skills to start over on this one as well as the good fortune of working with the words from one of the best lyricists around these parts. So, take a deep breath and focus that energy on the next version! CaseyP.S. Just as an aside regarding the songs I sent you... [and yes there is some hindsight here, now that I saw your review]. Genre is irrelevant when it comes to matching the energy of lyrics and music. "Night" by Bruce and "Ju Ju Man" by Dave Edmunds were examples of the energy. In "Night", Bruce, as he often does, sings about racing cars, etc. "Ju Ju Man" is a country rocker with tons of energy. Every time I read "Donuts in the parking lot", I think of his "Falling in love again" chorus--similar phrases in terms of how they fit music. Download "Ju Ju Man" and visualize "Donuts" like that, I think... And yes, I don't know much about country music, no denying that at all!

[jeffe]

It's the tangy orange centre in the middle of a Jaffa Cake. It's from an advertising campaign in the UK. Most people's favourite bit. YUM!!!I suppose they didn't air that one in Canada

[jchitty]

Well, you asked our thoughts, Steve....this might be related to what you're saying, but personally, I think you should get off that computer and go re-write that melody for "Donuts." Stick it to TAXI! Push through that gate....I know you can do it. I should get off this computer too....I've written almost 100 songs, with the time I waste here, I could write 150....not that this place isn't fun an entertaining, it is.....but it's WAY too much of a diversion. It's easy access to immediate gratification on some level....it takes you away from what you should really be doing....hey, we all like to f*ck off! It's EASY to post, but WAY harder to write and fix what's wrong with any song we write.So, I hope you can visualize a middle-aged women pitching her computer out the front door onto the lawn right at the about the time the mailman sprints up the steps of her house.Well, maybe not that extreme, but I'm gonna go rewrite some lyrics....debating the fine points of every political thought, perceived slight, or whether banana pudding is better than blueberry pie is just a waste of time if you think about it.'Til we meet again.....

[Casey H]

Quote: but this:Quote:Genre is irrelevant when it comes to matching the energy of lyrics and music. is quite a broad generalization, and makes me wonder if following this as a rule, is actually a good idea. Your recommendations carry a lot of weight around here, and this one looks tossed off haphazardly to make a point in a discussion. You sure have a way of pissing people off!! You should work as hard at re-writing the song as that!! And THAT was NOT said with any smiley faces!!Casey

[grandmatarkin]

All ye of faith, ask and receive:

[matto]

As far as the "scores" are concerned, lets not forget that grading songs is nothing like grading a simple quiz, where answering every question correctly would invariably yield 10s across the board. It's more like grading an essay. You'll have certain screeners that are more "stingy" when it comes to awarding high scores, and obviously an individual screener will grade on somewhat of a curve, relative to both the bar of the listing and to other submissions he's listening to.So there's no absolute value to a 6 or a 10 and therefore it makes no sense to take these numbers too seriously. I find them most useful in determining weak spots in my submissions. If your lyric gets a 10 and your music a 5 that should tell you something. Or if you got 10's across the board but a 3 in marketability...you might not wanna plan on quitting your day job... ------As far as your "Donuts" song, Steve, I agree with the screener (and several of the previous posters). When I read this lyric, which is fun and full of bratty, youthful energy...your music seems way too adult and laidback by comparison. What I'm hearing is something driving and energetic, along the lines of Dierks Bentley's "What Was I Thinking" to name an example off the top of my head.Since you're apparently going to be re-writing this, I would strongly suggest taking another look at the lyric as well, particularly if your goal is having a shot at those high bar Nashville listings. I think you've got a great concept here, and what you have is already chockful of great lines and ideas, but overall the lyric could use more polish. IMHO it needs one of those "Steve Seskin re-writes" he presents at his seminars (anybody who's ever been to one of his classes will know what I'm talking about).Specifically, I think the verses don't connect as somoothly and elegantly as they could...e.g your second verse starts with a "diatribe" about the cop, which on first read and listen almost makes it seem like you're talking about a different day and situation...only at "a truck full of kids having too much fun" does it become clear that it's a continuation of the story of verse 1.The 3rd verse lyric is a bit awkward too (btw IMO this section should be a bridge, as the meter and rhyme scheme of this section is different from the 2 verses and you're "forcing" the lyric to work with your verse melody). The lyric isn't bad there and certainly understandable, but it could be more elegant. Probably just needs a few minor changes.Finally...one thing I can't figure out: if the cop is chasing you for seven blocks and then drops his box of donuts...how the hell are they ending up in the parking lot? Wouldn't they end up in the squad car? Or was he chasing you on foot? If so why is he squad car 17 instead of "officer bubba"? Or did he drop the box out of the window? Or maybe I'm missing something obvious...it wouldn't be the first time... . But if I don't, then that payoff is forced, and that should be avoided.The bottom line is, this is exactly how your lyrics will be scrutinized for high bar Nashville listings, and would be scrutinized by Nashville publishers etc. So make them airtight. Don't give these folks a chance to dismiss you. I feel this concept has some real high end potential, but at this point neither the lyric nor the music are really fulfilling that potential. The music needs to better match the lyrics, and the lyrics need that extra polish that will take them from very good to killer.IMHO. matto

[sgs4u]

How awesome of you to take the time to really give this song some of your attention. I feel a bit like the squeaky wheel getting the grease today. So thank you Matto.