Disconnection: 2nd re-write AAA/Alt-rock

[zingstone]

I think all you need to do is build a little bridge to the chorus, to smooth out the big jump. It could even be as simple as repeating part of the last line of the verse with different intonation and bringing the melody up to halfway toward where you're going.For example "I should know by now nothing is real,(pause) it's not real..."Two bars (of 3/4) oughta do it.Half the problem is that you're pushing your voice as you hit the chorus, like you know there's a "big" note coming, hitting hard on the strumming and stabbing at everything. If, on the first chorus you could ease into it a little more, hold something back, soften up the voice and the attack, it wouldn't seem like such a shock.I noticed that the jump was far less dramatic after the guitar solo, because the listener's got used to the atmosphere, and you've established the build.If anything, it's the low notes you need to work on.Don't get a session singer, your voice is great on this, tiny warts an' all. Very expressive and genuine.

[partyofone]

Hey Zingstone,Quote:Half the problem is that you're pushing your voice as you hit the chorus, like you know there's a "big" note coming, hitting hard on the strumming and stabbing at everything.Yeah, half of that is probably trying to make it dramatic and part is probably because I'm thinking "Oh, god here comes the high note" ha ha. But good point. Maybe tone first one down.Quote:Don't get a session singer, your voice is great on this, tiny warts an' all. Very expressive and genuine. Well, cool! I must I say like that idea, but I can't lie saying I don't struggle a LOT with my voice. At times I've gotten so frustrated I've actually thought I would just try to be a songwriter and get demo singers.

[cjdenecia]

Quote:Well, cool! I must I say like that idea, but I can't lie saying I don't struggle a LOT with my voice. At times I've gotten so frustrated I've actually thought I would just try to be a songwriter and get demo singers.ahhh shit ... that's crazy ... you gotta great voice ... I dunno, I guess I'm seeing that a lot of you guys really slam the songs out, 1, 2 or more a week ... and that's what you do for trying to land these listings I guess and great, that's what you do ... but don't expect yourself to be on top of your game performance wise unless you're putting in the time for warm up and rehearsal first. and maybe that's time you can't afford, dunno ... but I'm sure that miss vikki would agree that warmup for a recording that you hope to spend an hour on would be a minimum of 2 hours of warmup. (no exact time, just a ratio) .... 30 minutes of top notch vocals, maybe 3 hours ... it's the live gigs where you do 3 sets that you just try to loosen up the folds and let the first few songs be the warm up - otherwise vocal burnout. but it sounds like you recognize what zing was talking about ... one key is to just relax and and think of that first note as "just another note" and try to focus on the backside of the note, ya know, easing in, saving a lot and then punch through after you're up there and comfy ....as well, on notes like that, visualize the path of air that comes from your diaphragm and with it, the voice as the air passes by .... if you see what I'm saying, some people have a tendency to sing with the focus of the note coming out of the mouth - as if the air took a quick sharp 90 degree turn from the throat to the mouth, after leaving the pipes ... you'll get a lot purer note with a lot less effort if you can visualize in your mind, sending the voice up through your eyes, aiming it up, smoothing that turn .... you're not trying to sing out of your nose, that's not what I mean, no nasal tone - just "think" and visualize the note towards that spot between your eyebrows ... and be sure that it's not a blast of air that you send out on the first sound of the note, breath control is not about blasting out, it's about holding back. it's about controlling the outward flow, restraining the power, not lashing out. sorry .... got carried away, you might already know all this ... or something similar ... plus, maybe I didn't explain what I was taught as well as a "coach" ... but I do know that if utilized, notes are fuller and smoother and control is optimized. plus, you'll seldom sing flat - if anything, you might tend to go sharp, and that's always easier to fix in performance. recording - or live.anyway ... don't be frustrated, you have a great voice - maybe just a little more focus and time ...

[davekershaw]

Quote:but again, the verse might than be too low for you, as i'm still hearing in this one, Yeah, it's a rock and a hard place.Dropping it would help the chorus, but your voice on the verse is real low already.This version is much better; it's getting there.

[partyofone]

Quote:... but don't expect yourself to be on top of your game performance wise unless you're putting in the time for warm up and rehearsal first.No, I absolutely agree. Although I did warm up some, and I do spend about 45 minutes vocalizing most days.. I didn't really spend the time to try and get my best performance as you suggested. Quote:as well, on notes like that, visualize the path of air that comes from your diaphragm and with it, the voice as the air passes by .... if you see what I'm saying, some people have a tendency to sing with the focus of the note coming out of the mouth - as if the air took a quick sharp 90 degree turn from the throat to the mouth, after leaving the pipes ... you'll get a lot purer note with a lot less effort if you can visualize in your mind, sending the voice up through your eyes, aiming it up, smoothing that turn .... you're not trying to sing out of your nose, that's not what I mean, no nasal tone - just "think" and visualize the note towards that spot between your eyebrows ... and be sure that it's not a blast of air that you send out on the first sound of the note, breath control is not about blasting out, it's about holding back. it's about controlling the outward flow, restraining the power, not lashing out. This is very interesting stuff. I've kind of heard it before but not explained exactly like that, so I'm going to try that CJ. Thanks. And thanks for the words of encouragement.And Dave, yeah, I am a bit stuck on the key. But glad to hear I'm progressing here... I'm going to take a stab at ramping up the meldody to meet the chorus better and see what happens. I'll post soon and thanks for the continued feedback.

[heckxx]

What I liked about the song was the strength and energy of the vocals in the chorus. The melody/hook in the chorus could probably be better, it doesn't strike me as too addictive...also, the vocals seem to be rhythmically loose in many places, its something I personally don't like, but that just may be your style.The vocals melodies do seem weak at times in the verses, I hear non-fitting vocal slides and out of tune-ness and other sort of lack of clarity in the vocals.-Jeff

[partyofone]

Jeff,I appreciate the honest feedback. Also, listened to your stuff. Great production, playing, and songs all around. You have some very realized songs in my opinion which I think will serve you WELL! Very nice bro!In regards to the loosneess of the rhythm, I believe there is a bit of both intended as well as unintended. I'll completely own up to some sloppy intonation also. I'm most curious about your take on the hookiness of the chorus. I've experimented with numerous melodies there and thought I had a winner, albeit probably in need of some harmonies to realize full potential. After hearing your feelings it sounds like this may need to be revaluted.How do you feel the new chorus compares to the old one on this version:http://pleasurejunkie.net/disconnection2.mp3 ?Thanks for listening.

[hummingbird]

I was asked about exercises to assist in singing higher notes the other day on another forum. Thought I'd post my reply here:"If you were in my studio, and you asked me about this, I'd tell you that it would some work and some time in order to achieve a larger range. Some of it has to do with developing a foundation of technique so the voice is supported in the middle voice and through the passagio (break), which is what really opens up the top. A couple things I can say is... watch yourself sing in the mirror when you go up. Do you see yourself stretching or reaching? Try to sing the same phrase thinking "down" or even bending your knees and see if that releases a little more. We never want to push or strain for high notes. Also, what is your mouth/jaw doing. Most people sing with their mouths too closed (flat & wide) anyway... the vowels and words should always be rounded, particularly when going up, we don't want the jaw to slide up, we want to stay open, but not too wide.In addition, the more you sing, the better your voice responds. So if you sang for 30 minutes a day for a month, you might find things feel easier - assuming you aren't pushing or stretching while you sing. Good singing should feel easy.I'm not able to give out exercises, particulary when I can't hear how they are being sung... how I work is... I need to hear the voice and work with it in the moment, in order to best give feedback that focusses on that individual student. But I hope this helps a little."Version 1: I agree- not enough contrast. Song doesn't do enough for the voice.Version 2: does take awhile to get the chorus, and still seems like there isn't enough contrast. Version 3 (Current): verse is too low for the voice, voice is almost inaudible and doesn't have good texture. So, let's talk about contrast and how it can be created. Yes, one wants the melody to lift into the chorus, but that is really not issue here. The issue is phrasing, and meter. In all 3 versions... the meter of the verse is slow, with long vowels. The meter of the chorus is slow, with long vowels. This is the major issue IMO. In versions 1 & 2 you are relying on the bedtrack to create contrast, and it does, but it isn't enough.I'd suggest, stop thinking of this as a ballad. Get your click track on at least 130 bpm and make the phrases of the verse short and punchy, and then the rise up to the chorus & pull out certain words, but not every one. If I had the lyrics I could suggest what I would hold and what I would move through. Try this with version 2.In addition, get out your lyric sheet and take a look at your verses and your chorus and assess the contrast between them on paper.HTHcheersMs. Hummin'bird

[partyofone]

Vikki,Wow thanks for that vocal tip and great feedback! I feel special now .I have been studying SLS technique for awhile but after reading your post it reminds me I should probably spend MORE time in front of a mirror to really SEE what I'm doing. Quote:In all 3 versions... the meter of the verse is slow, with long vowels. The meter of the chorus is slow, with long vowels. This is the major issue IMO. In versions 1 & 2 you are relying on the bedtrack to create contrast, and it does, but it isn't enough.I'd suggest, stop thinking of this as a ballad. Get your click track on at least 130 bpm and make the phrases of the verse short and punchy...After taking John's class at the Road Rally I came back and actually doubled the speed I sang the verse, thereby cutting it in half. This gave me the double benefit of getting to the chorus quicker and creating lyric density contrast. I later reverted back to the slower version but if I understand you right you're saying I should probably go back and try to make that faster version work.Quote:... and then the rise up to the chorus & pull out certain words, but not every one. Vikki, here do you mean as I'm nearing the chorus and the melody starts to ascend, that I should possibly contrast the previous quick phrases with a some longer notes?Thanks again, much appreciated!

[deantaylor]

Patrick,I like the song. I think you made it better each time. Yes, you have more lift and separation in the last version and you get to the chorus faster. Fast enough, imo. Also, your vocal is more out front in the last version .. easier to hear the words .. in the first version I couldn't hear the words.Your vocal and playing present the song well for a songwriter's demo, but to pitch to artists or film-tv, you probably need a pro demo, imo.Dean