Don't know what this means

[KIRBIE]

I just got my first critiques back! YAY!
And I'm actually quite pleased. I sent in five songs. Nothing went below a seven, but at the same time not above an 8.
HOWEVER this does not dissappoint me because I write and record everything by myself (I'm no bass player or drummer!) and now I have some things I can fix before going to a real studio with real players!

Now I need help with one thing.
My screener said this:
"While you've done a good job telling a story, you need to find a way to make your lyrical ideas stand out. For example, instead of saying, "He smelt like pot", use an indirect reference that has a double meaning. This will give your song an added sense of development and depth."

what on earth is an indirect reference that has a double meaning??

oh and here's the song in case

www.taxi.com/kirbie
It's called "hey, little girl"

[jfraizer]

Saying someting that could also mean something else.

The fragrant grass poured over him

I could sense the herbs he breathed today

His cologne told me it was about 4:20


Like watching a kids movie that has tongue in cheek humor. Funny to adults but goes over the little kids heads.

Instead of telling the story with exact words, its good to have the listener think and interpret the lyrics.

HTH

[2lane]

Saying someting that could also mean something else.

The fragrant grass poured over him

I could sense the herbs he breathed today

His cologne told me it was about 4:20


Like watching a kids movie that has tongue in cheek humor. Funny to adults but goes over the little kids heads.

Instead of telling the story with exact words, its good to have the listener think and interpret the lyrics.

HTH

Hey Jen,
that was pretty good.......4:20

[jfraizer]

Hey Jen,
that was pretty good.......4:20

I really couldn't think of any good colorful phrases off the top of my head.

[KIRBIE]

ahhh, ok i get it now.


....ugh.

[DorothyWallace]

Personally, I like "he smelled like pot". I think all the screeners are heavy into country music. that's just my opinion.

You're awesome Kirbie!

Dorothy

[KIRBIE]

Thanks, Dorothy. I agree!

[thokus]

Thats why I dont do Lyrics ... Too many ways to interpret what you're really trying to say .. I personally liked the lyrics you have .. Staight up no hidden meaning ... Maybe I just like simple... Good job

[onglee]

eh, just means describing it in other words that'll sound poetic that others can relate to from their own understanding. you can describe it so a listener can think of their boyfriend who (doesn't smoke weed) but smells like something else as defined in your song.

but sometimes, it's good to be direct as it may serve a better purpose. just remember, it can be subjective based on who's listening.

one of my favorite direct song lines: "you're so ugly when you cry".

[glender]

Well at least now we know who taught you how to play those nice reggae chops