I'm Not Afraid of Spiders

[ontariolightning]

your revised third verse is much better than the original mainly because you had "delve" and I don't even know what that is, but your newer one flows better and is more personable Sounds like a country/folk song to me, I'm not sure if its very commercial butthese types of lyrics and songs are what's real plus its cuteKind of childish but adultish at the same timeVery hard line to stay on and you did, kudos!

[linziellen]

Hey, thank you!Funny but I have been listening to a lot of border line folk lately. There's a strong melody to this, it's a bit "Mika meets Sara Bareilles" (that's 'melody' not lyric) a lot of my tunes are, I can't keep from these chirpy little songs.Thanks again, I'll get to work on it...

[anthony34]

Hi Linzi, I love the humour of the girl's plot to get the guy. I think everything is in the first verse. For me, it has more content, plot and memorability than most of the rest. My suggestion would be that it's the chorus. It's the part that the public would remember the most. Yet, without hearing the melody ideas you're having (since I don't even know whether you're thinking 4/4, 3/4 or 5/4!) then my understanding of your meter is very limited. Shame about the "delving", 'cos it's a less common word. I've just submitted a song to Taxi with the word "Keep" in the sense of an ancient stronghold; I'm not sure it will get noticed. Anyway. I do like the song. Give my regards to ... Champs Elysees! Michael W. (australia).

[anthony34]

Hello again, I thought about your song overnight and I'd like to offer an idea. Might be cute if, in the last verse, it turns out that he's been having the same idea as she is. That's it. I'm off to work. Bye, Michael.

[momof4]

i really like your 3rd verse - very good!

[plaincountry]

Oct 23, 2008, 11:16am, momof4 wrote: it seems like the chorus isn't quite connected to the song, like it could be a different song, or something. maybe, because your verses are so clever and well-written, your chorus could work just as a simple repetitive phrase that sums up the whole song? oh, and also, the word "delve"...i'd toss that and stick something else in there. maybe it's a Euro thing, but there ain't many people in my neck of the woods that say "delve". It's as if the momof4 read my mind...

[motomyrtle]

Hi Linzi,love the verses - the plot - adorable!The chorus does seem very disconnected from the song.... 1) the title should be there, preferrably at the beginning and ending2) How can he 'leave' if he doesn't belong to her already? that seemed to be at odds with your premise3) maybe the chorus could pick up and use the 'spider' imagery because the verses definitely 'spin a web' trying to trap this guy LOLVery good writing IMO,Cheryl

[linziellen]

OK that's cool, thank you guys. I keep trying to piece this together but it's being difficult! Think it needs a rest but I'll be back! Hopefully...Thanks again,Linzi