Joke of the Minute...

[drew]

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.~ Mickey Rooney

[squidlips]

Quote:Quote:This is a video joke, guaranteed smile for all you producers...http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12565 ... -gameSTICK!!!! You ol' dawg... you never said that THIS is how you create those custom beats. Is that really Stick?? Well DONE. Nice beatbox!

[tedsingingfox]

Quote:I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton Allright, now you've asked for it....Three blondes are walking together through the woods. One of them looks down and says, "Oh, isn't that cute? Look! Rabbit tracks."The second blonde looks down and says, "Lord! Don't be so stupid. Those are not rabbit tracks. Those are deer tracks."the third blonde looks down and says, "You two are such idiots. Those are NOT rabbit tracks, and they're not deer tracks. Those are...And then the train hit them. Ted

[ernstinen]

Wal-Mart Goes Hi-Tech!One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.""Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies."There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what 's wrong and what to do about it.It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.The computer prints the following:1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

[Casey H]

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.Generally the people would respond negatively and she wouldwander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the Police, but since they didn't know for sure they just continuedto watch her.After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you evernoticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't, and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our bigradio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almosthopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have."Well, what is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.The man grinned and said, "Her name is Sally, and she's a battery salesperson.""Batteries?" cried the wife."Yes," he replied.SCROLL DOWN. (You're gonna hate me for this... Scroll down some more) A little bit more........... She sells C cells by the seashore.

[tedsingingfox]

"Hate" is such a strong word, Casey. Let's just say someday, somewhere, somehow when you least expect it, God's going to make you pay for that one.Ted

[sgs4u]

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.PLEASE NOTE:To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.The first floor has wives that love sex.The second floor has wives that have big boobs, love sex, and have money.The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

[stansongman]

Q. How do you get a songwriter off your front porch?A. Pay for the pizzaQ. How do you make a million bucks in Nashville as a songwriter?A. Come to town with 2 million.

[trentoliphant]

A band had just played for the local church social and went over to the snack table to get a bite. There was a bowl of apples and a plate of cookies.Next to the apples was a sign "Please only take one, God is watching"The bass player made a sign for the cookies "Take all you want, God is watching the apples"

[ragani]

Trent, that was a good one! I listened to this song late one night and laughed my a** off! http://www.garageband.com/song?|pe1|S8L ... FC2ZWsDarn it-- I can't get this link to work-- keeps cutting the autolink short. So if you'd like to hear this one, cut and paste the entire line beginning with "http". Sorry for that. This one is clever-- a "nursery" rhyme of humor I used to read to fellow interns years ago (we had some very s-l-o-w shifts!):http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarch ... oemId=7428 (something different for those of you who enjoy poetic lyrics...)So many good jokes... so little time.Raags