Joke of the Minute...

Songwriting, songwriters, etc

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hookstownbrown
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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by hookstownbrown » Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:39 pm

Q: Why did the musically-enriched little boy throw his sister's Barbie into a pot of boiling water?A: He wanted to hear a doll simmer...Now that's funny... I don't care who ya are, that's funny...

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Re: Joke of the Minute... A Real Groaner

Post by drew » Thu Dec 30, 2004 7:26 am

For all you corny joke fans:Homer checked into his dentist's office because of a pain inhis mouth. After a brief look, the dentist exclaimed, "Incredible! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What have you been eating?" "Well," Gary said after thinking a moment. "The only thingI can think of is that my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... hollandaise sauce she called it, and doctor, I'm talking DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables, you name it!" "That's probably it," replied the dentist. "Hollandaisesauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highlycorrosive. It seems as though I'll have to install a newplate, but made out of chrome this time." "Why chrome?" Gary asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
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Re: Joke of the Minute... A Real Groaner

Post by bobc » Thu Dec 30, 2004 9:05 am

Quote:For all you corny joke fans: Yeah Drew...made me laugh Corny jokes and slapstick...just funny stuff.Here's one in keeping with the spirit of the holidays that my dad used to tell when there was still a Soviet Union.A popular Soviet weatherman named Rudolph had predicted rain for the evening, but when he got home, his wife said" Rudolph, I really believe your report tonight just wasn't right...it really looks like snow...it's so cold"The reply was "no...it will warm up tonight. Besides...Rudolph the Red knows rain dear.Bob

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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by drew » Tue Jan 11, 2005 2:13 am

Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. -- Unknown
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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by ernstinen » Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:11 pm

Stop me if you've heard this one ************************A drummer was between gigs, and thought he'd make a little money by selling firewood. He drives his Yugo over to Sears to check out their chain saws.Finding the hardware section, he sees three chain saws, labeled "Good," Better," and "Best."Looking at the specifications, the drummer notices that the "Good" chain saw is "guaranteed to cut 10 trees a day." The "Better" chain saw is "guaranteed to cut 15 trees a day." But the "Best" chain saw is "guaranteed to cut 20 trees a day."So the drummer decides to go for it, and buys the "Best" chain saw.The next day, he drives his Yugo out into the woods, and starts sawing away. By late afternoon, he has cut down only 4 trees. "Man, I've gotta work harder tomorrow" thinks the drummer.The next morning, he's back at it, working until dark, but only cuts down 6 trees. "What the ---" mutters the drummer.On day three, the drummer is sawing at dawn. He takes no breaks, but by the end of the day has cut down only 9 trees. Fed up, he decides to take his chain saw back to Sears.The following morning, he drives his Yugo over to the maintenence department at Sears. The technician puts the chain saw on his bench. He checks the oil --- OK. He checks the gas --- OK. He checks the chain tension --- OK. Then he sets the choke, and pulls the starting cord.Brrrrrrrrrrroooommm, Broooooooooommmmm!!Startled, the drummer yells "What's that noise?"*************************************Badaboom!Ern

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drew
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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by drew » Thu Jan 13, 2005 4:06 am

A man's gotta believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink. - W. C. Fields
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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by drew » Thu Jan 13, 2005 12:02 pm

How can you tell when a singer is at your door?He can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.
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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by drew » Fri Jan 14, 2005 10:28 am

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to get back!""No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. "Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."-----------------------------------------*A long way to get there, but it was worth it
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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by stringbuster2 » Fri Jan 14, 2005 2:19 pm

A fingerstyle guitarist (FG) is walking on the beach when he accidentally kicks a bottle. The cork falls off and out pops a genie. "Thank you Oh Master for releasing me from my prison of the last 300 years" the genie exclaims, profusely grateful to the FG. "And because of your kindness" the genie continues, "I will grant you 3 wishes". "But I must caution you" alerts the genie."And what's that?" asks the FG."Well, you can wish for anything you desire, but whatever you ask for, every electric guitarist (EG) in the world will receive double" explains the genie."Not a problem" says the FG."Very well then, what shall your first wish be, my Master""$10 million in small bills" says the FG unhesitatingly."Good choice, Master" and poof!! right there on the beach are piles and piles of $10s and $20s. And of course every EG in the world now has $20 million in their account."And your next wish, Master?""A brand new Taylor PS12C Presentation Series Guitar and presto! right there on the beach is the most beautifully inlaid and superb sounding acoustic guitar he'd ever seen. And of course every EG now has 2 of these guitar's in their living rooms; knowing of course that they aren't going to know what to do with one, much less two."You've made excellent choices thus far, Master; what is your final wish?" The FG thinks for a minute, rubs his chin a moment, squints at the bright sky and says, "You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney" ...
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier...

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Re: Joke of the Minute...

Post by drew » Fri Jan 14, 2005 4:56 pm

Good one SB A critic is like a eunich: he knows exactly how it ought to be done ~Unknown
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