Nervous & needing feedback...(updated) parts 1-4

[rayzer]

Hey Ted,Sorry I’m late to this thread, but Easter was pretty busy, so I just heard your songs yesterday. ‘Still the One’ version 1 is my favorite. I couldn’t get it out of my head.Quote:Actually, I'd LOVE to have lyrics to this...if you can come up with some killer lyrics, I'd say let's run with it. Here are mine:http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... RETENDINGA promise broken in threeMy conscience won’t let me beBut clocks can’t turn backwardsAnd I can’t undo thisMy last breath came when you leftBut so much crueler than deathMy heart won’t stop beatingSo I’ll have to startPRETENDINGPRETENDINGPRETENDING the stars are still in the skyYou don’t think I moved onBut you’re perfectly wrongI couldn’t be betterSince I beganPRETENDINGPRETENDINGPRETENDING the stars are still in the skyIn the skyIn the skyI hope you don't mind that I changed the structure a little to let the lyrics breathe in a few spots.If we add a bridge and repeat the chorus at the end, this could be a nice singer/songwriter song, and Michael just told us about a new deal that will produce more singer/songwriter listings.But Ted, I don't want to step on your toes, so tell me to back-off if I've overstepped a line. I'm just having fun playing around with your beautiful song. Good luck.Rayzer

[tedsingingfox]

Quote:Hey Ted,Sorry I’m late to this thread, but Easter was pretty busy, so I just heard your songs yesterday. ‘Still the One’ version 1 is my favorite. I couldn’t get it out of my head.Quote:Actually, I'd LOVE to have lyrics to this...if you can come up with some killer lyrics, I'd say let's run with it. Here are mine:http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... RETENDINGA promise broken in threeMy conscience won’t let me beBut clocks can’t turn backwardsAnd I can’t undo thisMy last breath came when you leftBut so much crueler than deathMy heart won’t stop beatingSo I’ll have to startPRETENDINGPRETENDINGPRETENDING the stars are still in the skyYou don’t think I moved onBut you’re perfectly wrongI couldn’t be betterSince I beganPRETENDINGPRETENDINGPRETENDING the stars are still in the skyIn the skyIn the skyI hope you don't mind that I changed the structure a little to let the lyrics breathe in a few spots.If we add a bridge and repeat the chorus at the end, this could be a nice singer/songwriter song, and Michael just told us about a new deal that will produce more singer/songwriter listings.But Ted, I don't want to step on your toes, so tell me to back-off if I've overstepped a line. I'm just having fun playing around with your beautiful song. Good luck.RayzerHey, Rayzer.You're not stepping on my toes. Frankly, I'm very moved by your kind words about my song and the fact that it inspired you. And I gotta tell you, I REALLY like the little "breath" you allowed the lyrics to take. I may even use that structural change in the studio.Thanks, man.Ted

[tedsingingfox]

And then, I forgot to ask if you got to hear any of the other tunes?

[rayzer]

Hey Ted,I'm glad I left the tops of your toes untouched. Yeah, I really liked your other songs, too. They are all strong, but if I had to, I'd rank them in the following order:'Still the One''You Too' would be great on a top-down, back-road drive.'Mountain Train' ('Uphill Train' is slower in my mind. Like the 'Little Engine That Could') definitely conveys a bluegrass train. It will be even stronger with a drum track. (brushes?)'Just Say It' has some very nice moments. It's another one that's asking for lyrics. I like the combination of expressiveness and forward motion.Nice work, Ted.

[hummingbird]

Quote:(1) Still the Onehttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=113404&stream=1(2) Jersey Strollhttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=113407&stream=1Vote for number one. (you should note there is a hit song of this name) It feels more expressive. #2 feels... less smooth, a little ragged.Quote:You, toohttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=113715&stream=1It has a nice catchy liveliness to it... I picture it being played when the surfboards are in the van & everyone's headin to the beachQuote:I want to call this EITHER "Mountain Train" or "Uphill Train"http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... ream=1Bein that I play bluegrass with my trio (yeehaw)... I think this is cool, not traditional bluegrass but definitely has a vibe, and I can hear the train. I'd vote for "Mountain Train" because there's a touch of mountain in this and I can see them gettin' out the jug now.Quote:"Just Say It"http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... &stream=1I like the melancholy feel of this, with the melody floating over a rythmatic background. I could hear this working nicely in drama or 'sad' scenes. I like the little laugh at the end, hee heeI like them all. In order I'd go:Just Say It (drama, sad)You Too (catchy, happy)Mountain Train (mountain/new grass)Still the One (drama, sad)My reason for this is 'Just Say It' moved me the most. And uptempo sells more. So one ballad-y, and two uptempo-y.I think Still the One (with a different hook) could be a great song, with lyrics. Got a nice melody there.HTH. Great to hear you working so hard - and coming up with good stuff, too H'bird

[tedsingingfox]

Thank you so much for the input. I have more music, but whether or not I get it recorded in time, I can't promise. And I TRULY appreciate y'all putting them in order. That tells me a lot... because every time I go up to CO to do some work with this man, I take him a gift of some sort. And because he was SO instrumental (pun intended) in fleshing out "Sagebrush & Orchids", this time my gift is going to be co-writing credits on at least one or two of these.Thanks, again, y'all.XOXOXTed