OK - I'M READY NOW

[cyndy]

OK Guys,Way back in Jan/Feb when I first joined Taxi, I posted my song "Back Away From The Edge" in the Peer-to-Peer section for comments. But it quickly became obvious to me that I wasn't really ready to objectively hear what others had to say about it.Well, since that time, I've grown to trust many of you immensely by watching how you've helped person after person with your suggestions/insight.So...can I put my baby out there again and ask for your help in developing it. Thanks a million for taking time to listen!!(WARNING: Country genre - beware!!)BACK AWAY FROM THE EDGEhttp://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fus....endID=365679086Back Away From The EdgeHe dangled his toes on the crevice of timeWell really, it was the diving board edgeHe looked down in fright at the watery sightAnd knew it was way 'oer his headSome boys called him "Chicken"And threatened to tossThe 3-year-old off, then they frozeAt a voice strong and low that the toddler did knowDad said "Son, back away from the edge."Many everyday people have now reached the timeWhere they're standing with toes on a lineThey've tried looking left & they've tried looking rightBut nothing is all they can findIt seems like the answer to all of their painIs to just end it all, there's no hopeCan't somebody get them away from the edgeAnd reach them with more than just ropeBut you've got cardboard cathedralsWith legos for people sitting there filling a pewIs it any wonder that some folks go underWhen trying to look there for truthEven hard-hearted people all know that a steepleShould represent more than a bellWhat we need are the kind of preachersWho'll teach to us creatures How to "stay-the-heck" out of hell.If anyone listening to the words of this songHas a moment when something goes wrongAnd it feels like the weight of the world's on your backAnd nobody cares you're aloneRemember the words that you hear in this songAnd know it's for you they were saidTake one more minute to ponder this thought"Please, back away from the edge"Take one more minute to ponder this thoughtAnd please, back away from the edge.Cyndy Tully - (C) 2007 BMI - All rights reserved

[heinsite]

you've come a long way ms. seattle!very traditional country, musically just right for that genre, however a few comments:i would like the tempo picked up a bit, some of the ending line words seem to string out ("toss, "rope", etc.) and your lyric lines would singfully flow much better imho as well. lyrically it doesn't really tell a story, (though it starts that way...) however with this tune, you are "teaching, preaching and reaching" (ha!) to your audience, so might be ok, it's ok for me, but i aint no screener...again, much better than the last version i heard, nicely recorded, as i "take one more minute to ponder this thought--and back away from the edge!"all the best to you cindy,warren

[zoom]

Hey Cyndy!Ok.... didn't hear the first version, but I'll give you some notes on my take of it!Great traditional country tune musically... and I agree with Warren it needs to be sped up a bit. It's kind of cheeky lyrically, so a faster tempo would help convey that too. I get what you're going after with the lyrics.... and there are some really good images... "cardboard cathedrals with legos for people" is my fav! But there may be a better way to get to "back away from the edge" than through the first example. When you head over to verse 2, the story from V1 really doesn't fit with the new information, and there's not really an overt call back to the story until the end.And, I'm no expert here, but I think you need a strong 4 line chorus that you can come back to -- even though stylistically may not work. I'm not really hearing a hook in the song (other than the notes of the melody), something that we can come back to time after time after time... and a chorus would help break up the story as well as give something memorable lyrically to latch onto. I don't know why, but I keep thinking of a song like "Que Sera Sera"....Overall, the musicality and production are really good, lyrics have some pretty cool imagery, and the style is right on track.... I think you're almost there.

[cyndy]

Warren and Zoom, thank you bunches for lending your ears and your insight. First I should let you know that this is the same version I had posted back in Jan/Feb... haven't changed anything yet for multiple reasons (...like... major move across the country, for one.)I do agree that the tempo should be a bit faster. And I've considered various ways to move around some of the lyrics to create a chorus from within them... just haven't hit on anything that works for me yet. Anybody got any ideas?Keep those cards and letters coming... I'm open to hear your thoughts!!

[heinsite]

well gee ma'am, my august ears (darn, another good title, i HAVE to get on here more often... are obvious not my trying to recall the Feb ears--i swear the recording i just heard was much cleaner...hmm, goes to show, getting too damned old i guess!xoxoxowh

[ncc1701]

Hey Cyndy. Glad to see you're hanging in there!The production sounds very good and appropriate for the traditional country tune. Musically, what sticks out to me is the vocals.DISCLAIMER: I am SOOOO not a vocalist myself that you can take anything I say from this point on and throw it out the window if you like. I've just heard some of this same advice that I'm about to pass along to you and it did help me out.I get the feeling you put a lot of heart and emotional investment into writing your lyrics. When you record it, the only way you have to share those emotions is through your voice. To be perfectly honest, what I hear when I listen to your song is someone who believes in her message but is underconfident, even a little shaky, about performing. The pitch is mostly there, but I don't hear strength or conviction behind the words.This happened to me a lot too at first. People who heard my recordings told me it sounded like I was singing the lyrics off a printout for the first time.Some helpful friends in the business gave me a couple of tips: 1) Turn your input levels down on the mic. You will have to sing stronger (not necessarily the same as louder) to hit the right levels for recording. (This may be something you can practice doing at home before you ever go into a studio.) 2) Close your eyes when you sing and fantasize you are a superstar. I know, it's silly, but that's what great performances are - performances. Half of good singing is good musicianship. The other half is acting.There. Like I say, take it or leave it. But I have a sneaky suspicion you could really knock some socks off if you put your heart on your sleeve and just let loose and SANG. Kathleen

[cyndy]

Kathleen,You are right-on-the-mark with your comments about the vocals. When I've listened to my songs lately, I've thought to myself how "plain" and "flat-lined" my emotions seem in them. Interestingly, I didn't notice that before. Probably because I had convinced myself that they were great. LOLYour idea to close my eyes when recording is something I'll probably incorporate. I've done that some when singing "live," and it's done wonders. Thank you for helping me with your suggestions.

[sgs4u]

Aug 26, 2008, 9:25pm, cyndy wrote:... I've thought to myself how "plain" and "flat-lined" my emotions seem in them. Interestingly, I didn't notice that before. Probably because I had convinced myself that they were great. LOLYour idea to close my eyes when recording is something I'll probably incorporate. I've done that some when singing "live," and it's done wonders. Here's something to try when you're doing vocals, if you want. I got this advice from a guy that used to be on the forum here a lot. He suggested that when I'm recording/singing (no, I ain't no world class singer) take a minute to decide who I want to be singing the song to, or decide what images go with the lyric. Get some physical pictures, and put them right there on the music stand holding the lyrics. Do the candles, do the mood lighting, do the smelly things. All of it. Those are tried and true techniques, and they work for pros all over the world. So I tried his technique, and sang a song about a little girl not fitting in. I sang it looking right at a picture of HIS little girl. It was wonderful, and it made a huge improvement in the emotional impact of my delivery. A big enough step up that I didn't feel like I needed to hire anyone else. Try it you'll like it, oif you don't already do it. but of course, try singing with your eyes closed first, I didn't mean to sound like I was disagreeing with Kathleen...And right now, I'm remixing my anthem song, with your comments right in front of me. thx Cyndy

[rld]

Along with those other ideas, when I sing parts, I really try and get into it. I make hand gestures, faces, anything to feel the emotion.Most of the time, I'm by myself and it would look pretty damn funny to others. Just something to try.

[allends]

Aug 27, 2008, 7:57am, rld wrote:I make hand gestures, faces, anything to feel the emotion.I saw that, Roger!