Looking to pitch to a listing, need advice

[bete]

Rebekah I had a couple of ideas. Ignore my actual words, these are just ideas to get you started:Avoid saying 'hold me' too soon:>>Hold me once again, change: Dusk comes all too soonUse a specific place (more show, less tell)>> in this dark and lonely placeChange: in this empty moonless caveSomething about this line didn't work well for me:>>The sweetest sound I know, is when you just begin to...change: The sweetest sound I know - comes - when you just begin to (This time you can keep the word 'comes'. I think my problem was in a sound 'being' when something occurs, instead of 'being brought about' by what happens.Does this makes any sense?Still love listening toyour voice-Bette

[bete]

Hey! You started without me. <sorry, couldn't resistThis is why I haven't been entering critiques. It takes me so long to say what I want that it's irrelevant by the time I send it.--For your sake, Rebekah, I'm not adding a smiley face.--I love your new lyrics; they are so much clearer. And they make sense. I haven't studied them but at first glace I think you've made great strides and may be close to being finished.Bette

[greatmoves]

Hi, Just what is the name of this song? and is it on your Taxi web page?If not do you have a different link to it?BB

[shorty]

http://www.rebekahanncurtis.com/page7.htmlGo to page, click on speaker icon, wait for a bar to appear in your window with a play button, then push play. Title of song is Hold Me