Joke of the Minute...

[hookstownbrown]

Non- musically speaking...Quick Thinking...A senior citizen bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head."This is great," he thought as he roared down the interstate. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring."I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more, flying down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph! Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." So, he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man ..."Sir," he said, looking at his watch. My shift ends in 30 minutes; and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

[drew]

[ernstinen]

Stop me if you've heard this one! An old gentleman was sipping a scotch in the hotel bar, when an elderly lady sat down next to him. They started talking, and found an immediate attraction. After 3 or 4 drinks, the gentleman suggested that they go up to his room for a nightcap. The lady agreed.After a couple of brandies, one thing led to the next, and the elderly lady started taking off her clothes. She paused for a second, and said to the gentleman "I just have to let you know I've got Acute Angina."The gentleman replied "Maybe so, but the rest of you is looking pretty droopy."Ern

[ernstinen]

BAR BETGuy walks into an empty bar on Wednesday night and tells the bartender that he never loses a bet. Bartender says, 'yeah, right". Guy bets ten bucks that he can bite his left eye. Bartender accepts. Guy pulls a glass eye out of his left socket and bites it. He replaces the eye, takes the ten bucks and leaves.Same guy comes into the bar on Thursday night. Bets the bartender another ten bucks that he can bite his right eye. Bartender holds up three fingers. The guy counts them. Bartender places the bet. Guy pulls out his false teeth, bites his right eye, takes the ten bucks and leaves.It's Friday night and the bar is hoppin'. Same guy walks up to the bartender and bets him twenty bucks that he can stand on one end of the bar and piss into a shotglass on the other end of the bar, fill it to the rim and not spill a drop. Bartender says, "I know I'll lose my twenty bucks, but this I gotta see". Bartender puts a shotglass on the far end of the bar. Guy climbs up, unzips his trousers and pisses a bladder-full all over the bar.Bartender cheers, takes the $20, and wipes up the mess. Then he stops and says, "I thought you never lose a bet".Guy says, "see that sad guy over by the jukebox? I bet him two-hundred bucks that I could piss all over your bar, and you'd clean it up with a smile."

[hookstownbrown]

Hee hee heee...

[zink]

This Joke is meant to be said outloud.What do you call a fish missing and eye(I)fshsay it out loud. It's funny. No really.

[drew]

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.~ G. K. ChestertonI've always wondered about that one myself.

[hookstownbrown]

Two hillbillies, Ed and Red, walk into a bar...While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head "no.""Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head "no."The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress. He yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick maneuver,' but ain't never seed nobody do it !!"

[michael11]

Brilliant joke Hooks,best laugh I'v had all week.Mick.

[drew]

I bet I know who that hillbilly was, I just didn't know they had 'em up north.