Joke of the Minute...

[bobc]

One day the musicians for a rather large recording session were assembling at a studio. Everyone had their headphones on, the session was close to getting underway and the producer of the session came over the talkback system and said "Okay I need to have total silence! Just then the drummer on the session played a big Barumdum Crash! To which the record producer replied, "Okay who did that?"Bob

[johnnydean1]

Quote:One day the musicians for a rather large recording session were assembling at a studio. Everyone had their headphones on, the session was close to getting underway and the producer of the session came over the talkback system and said "Okay I need to have total silence! Just then the drummer on the session played a big Barumdum Crash! To which the record producer replied, "Okay who did that?"Bob J.

[ernstinen]

Good one, Bob! That reminds me of my "teacher" in recording arts school who couldn't find the correct spots for punch-ins. He would be rolling tape back and forth for minutes on end. I'd be thinking to myself "This guy is a recording engineer!? I could do that in my sleep!"Ern

[oneeyewillie]

How to make scottish fruitcake I'm gonna share this auld family recipeSCOTTISH FRUITCAKE RECIPE. You'll need the following: 1 cup of water 1 cup of sugar 4 large brown eggs 2 cups of dried fruit 1 teaspoon of salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 1 cup of nuts 1 bottle of whiskey. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed. Who the bloody hell likes fruitcake anyway??

[midnitebob]

Bless ya Willie fer the recipe...I tried it, it's Friday night here now, hic,..got all the ingydients tigether, hic,,,,half way through, I dialed a phone number,,,don't ask me why,,,the number was written on the wall,,,hic,,,So anywhew,,,it seems that we're having a pizza dilivered for da birthday party tomorrow....Hope I rememberderd to order candles on the pizza pie.....Midnite(blame it on Willie) Bob

[drew]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, notsaying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argumentand neither of them wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, thewife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."

[drew]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna' start."This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts.""That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long? and . . . . . . ."The husband sighed. "Awww crap, it's started."

[drew]

One day a man walked into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract a wisdom tooth."Eighty dollars," the dentist says."That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?""Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic,I can knock it down to $60.""That's still too expensive," the man says."Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia andsimply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could getaway with charging $20.""Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much.""Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head."If I let one of my students do it for the experience, Isuppose I could charge you just $10.""Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"

[adf]

Did you hear about the out-of-work contortionist who can no longer make ends meet?Courtesy of Ronnie Barker who died recently.

[bobc]

A chimpanzee come into a bar and orders a scotch and water.The bartender whispers to his buddy, "Watch this...I'm gonna have some fun with this". Then says to the chimp.."Okay, one scotch and water...that'll be a hundred bucks.The chimp pays for his drink, swallows it down and starts to leave the bar. The bartender says, "Ya know...we don't see too many chimpanzees around here."The chimp says, "At a hundred bucks a drink...I'm not surprised." Bob