Joke of the Minute...

[jwebbinspired]

Dec 11, 2008, 12:50pm, hurowitz wrote:Dad at the Mall I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?' Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.Casey that is hilarious!! I love our seniors. My grandfather was the same way. Perfect timing...which is the key to real humor.Andy

[ibanez468]

THREE WOMENThree women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other two asked how. She replied, "Well... I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy".The red head said, "If that is true, then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

[davekershaw]

Quote:The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

[byllsong]

Doggone Puppies

[davekershaw]

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. While reading, keep in mind that these are 6-year-olds:1. Don't change horses - until they stop running... 2. Strike while the - bug is close. 3. It's always darkest before - Daylight Saving Time. 4. Never underestimate the - power of termites. 5. You can lead a horse to water but - How? 6. Don't bite the hand that - looks dirty. 7. No news is - impossible 8. A miss is as good as a - Mr. 9. You can't teach an old dog new - Math 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll - stink in the morning. 11. Love all, trust - Me. 12. The pen is mightier than the - pigs. 13. An idle mind is - the best way to relax. 14. Where there's smoke there's - pollution. 15. Happy the bride who - gets all the presents. 16. A penny saved is - not much. 17. Two's company, three's - the Musketeers. 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what - you put on to go to bed... 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and - You have to blow your nose. 20. There are none so blind as - Stevie Wonder. 21. Children should be seen and not - spanked or grounded. 22. If at first you don't succeed - get new batteries. 23. You get out of something only what you - See in the picture on the box 24. When the blind lead the blind - get out of the way. 25. A bird in the hand - is going to poop on you... And the WINNER! 26. Better late than - Pregnant

[allends]

Feb 19, 2009, 7:31am, davekershaw wrote:...keep in mind that these are 6-year-olds:OMG, this funny stuff is so cute I'm wiping a tear! Thanks Dave,Allen

[drew]

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you ok?""I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"The woman nodded, "Pepper."

[drew]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?""No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied."Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked."No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.""Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked."Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!""Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked,"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man."Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

[davekershaw]

Quote:The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

[ibanez468]

GOOD one!