Repetitive Lyrics

[linziellen]

Hi guys,I've written the first verse of a song, no title as of yet. I really like the way it's heading but here's the thing, each line starts with "You've got me" Spur of the moment example!You've got me dancin for youYou've got me head over heals You've got me falling from highI'm falling I don't know why.....And there are no less than 8 lines of this with exception for the last of each four. Where do I take this once there is a chorus? Should I carry on like this or move to something more story like? Any ideas or similar examples of this type of lyric?Thank you again! Lindsey

[marcblack30]

Maybe this could be your chorus???Just a thought.

[arkjack]

Yes, you do need a story. Why are you dancing and falling.... big diamond, guy who wants kids? I try to think .... nothing happens.... that is I was trying to think of an example of this style used successfully right off the top of my head and nothing comes to mind. The gut feeling is use the technique sparingly.ArkJack

[paults]

One pretty old example comes to mind (thanks to channel surfing during a recent PBS pledge week) - "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall" by Bob Dylan has many sequential lines that start with "I've seen". A forty year old folksong might not be the best barometer of current suitability, though What about separating the repeating lines with ones that reinforce?You've got me dancin for you(blah blah blah blah blah)You've got me head over heals(blah blah blah blah blah)You've got me falling from highI'm falling I don't know why.....

[tedsingingfox]

Quote:One pretty old example comes to mind (thanks to channel surfing during a recent PBS pledge week) - "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall" by Bob Dylan has many sequential lines that start with "I've seen". A forty year old folksong might not be the best barometer of current suitability, though What about separating the repeating lines with ones that reinforce?You've got me dancin for you(blah blah blah blah blah)You've got me head over heals(blah blah blah blah blah)You've got me falling from highI'm falling I don't know why.....cool idea, paul.

[twilsbach]

Tom Waits-San Diego SerenadeI never saw the morning 'til I stayed up all nightI never saw the sunshine 'til you turned out the lightI never saw my hometown until I stayed away too longI never heard the melody, until I needed a song.I never saw the white line, 'til I was leaving you behindI never knew I needed you 'til I was caught up in a bindI never spoke 'I love you' 'til I cursed you in vain,I never felt my heartstrings until I nearly went insane.I never saw the east coast 'til I move to the westI never saw the moonlight until it shone off your breastI never saw your heart 'til someone tried to steal, tried to steal it awayI never saw your tears until they rolled down your face.

[geo]

Nothing wrong with what I see so far..... the only danger with songs like these is you have to keep the rhymes fresh or the song starts sounding juvenile (not this one in particular, I'm speaking generally here), but for chorus how about....You've got me dancin for youYou've got me head over heals You've got me falling from highI'm falling I don't know why.....ChorusWhy I'm falling for youAnd all the silly things you doTry as I might there's no reason to fightThe one thing that remains trueI'm falling for you.Something like that, though the might/fight thing is suspect... You can use it if you like, but you have to post the song if you do .....Geo

[linziellen]

Thanks for your replies. The thought of making my verse into a chorus had crossed my mind but I feel the need to use it as a build up and then throw a fairly simple chorus in there. The lines are actually like 11 syllables long and when I sing this I'm almost talking. I think the tune of the chorus just visited me, brilliant lol!Paul that's a great idea and I will definitely consider it, thanks!Tim you've opened my eyes to a new song, I'm going to go check it out. The lyrics are amazing. Nice work Geo lol, thanks for that! If you're interested I have posted a song in Lyric Lovers called "Under Spell" I'd appreciate any comments.Now back to the drawing board...

[hummingbird]

I was thinking about this thread this morning as Carrie Underwood was playing on the radio...[(c) Chris Tompkins, Josh Kear 2005]Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp,and she's probably getting frisky...right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drinkcause she can't shoot whiskey...Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick,showing her how to shoot a combo...And he don't know...second verse is the same.In other words, don't sweat repetition - if it works, work it PS - I'm 3 posts away from 3,000. At that point I might shut up. For a minute.

[linziellen]

Thanks for that Vikki, I think you're right. I'm going to give it a go!Wow, 3,000 that's some figure! Lol...don't go quiet on us though, you're the glue that's holding us all together! Lindsey