Taxi 'Push!' submission...? Ye/Ne?

[southpaw]

Hey guys and gals. This song i had reviewed a while back, and have taken some of the suggestions from you folks and from the screeners, and hopefully polished this one up a little better with the revisions. I would like to hear if you think this one is ready for either of the three 'push' listings.. I am unsure if it is 'there yet', i havent submitted this version yet, so im not sure.. The original version i got reviewed by the screeners said 'close.' This one became a "soundclick top 50" which seems pretty cool i suppose. "To Be a Better Man"http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default ... ly,-Melody and storyline thoughts?-Vocals emotionally translated well enough? -Production wise, any freq's stick out-Arrangement wise, does it flow well enoughThanks for your help! JamieLyrics: Verse 1:Countless hours in my headto figure the way i meant it saidWell your honorfrom here whats nextwhat's your plea?I said, no contestBut before you pass judgement, sirI'd like to tell the courtin my own wordsYour honor i've done morethan my fair share of wrongbut i think i've found where i belongSee back before i knewwhat it meant to be a mani'd rather run than standChorus:Long ago i know i went my own waybut i been tryin' the best i canTo Be a Better ManVerse 2: It took a little whilefor me to realizeThat the members of this trialI closer recognizePulled a stack of papers out my pocketto be sure of-what i was sure i could smellSure enough, aloud i read the docketan' it said, me vs. myselfWritten/Performed/Produced: Jamie Le'gerSoundscope Productions 2009Bridge:It aint easy to sleep sometimeswith turbulance still on my mindThere's still a fewpersistant paradigmsand they're resistant to being redefinedI know it's justa matter of timeand tommorow the sun will shine

[matthoggard]

Damn Jamie!!I think you knocked one outta the park!!Beautiful sounds.I was hoping to hear a key change for the bridge. Maybe step up a third or 4th. Carry the melody with it.The only other thing IMO that needs some work is the rhythm section. Not quite Hot enough in the mix in my monitors. I think more of an eq treatment then volume to fix it.I AM EXTREMELY IMPRESSED DUDE!!Great songgreat melodyGreat compositionEXCELLENT VOCALS!Great job brother!M~

[djb]

Jamie, The song is awesome. Really nice. Stands up to anything I've heard. You've got a wonderful feel with this. You can't go wrong with a song like that. Good luck. Dave

[jwebbinspired]

Jamie, I say "Ye". You've got a great storyline, the lyrics are great, production was just great, the emotion in your vocal was fine, but I think the melody is at 90%. I think you should change it up, maybe like Matt said, in the bridge. It's so close. But seriously, this is catchy, current, you've got a great voice, nice clean production. I dunno man, I'm impressed. Main thing is to push that melody from good to great.Andy

[southpaw]

Thanks for the input folks! I appreciate the quick replies too, especially since ive only got a few more hours to shape up my song submissions... Ya know, i was on the taxi page today, and i took a listen to some of the featured artists..Wow! So much talent out there, it is incredible. I had thought i had written some pretty good stuff.. Yet, was humbled very quickly after hearing how high the bar is set here, and was questioning whether or not to submit my music today. I have been a little discouraged lately, because i keep getting different reviews from screeners, but have yet to get any forwards so far this year. I have been putting my efforts into writing songs as an artist over the last couple months because i really felt this Push! feature could be a great opportunity, and didnt know if it would be something taxi would continue so i wanted to focus on this one. My point is, it is awesome to have you folks as an honest resource, thanks again. (While my puppy may be my biggest fan, she doesnt know how to give feedback on improving my music. Matt, Dave, and Andy... Thanks for the listen and encouraging input!I think the bridge could provide better contrast, i had actually met with a pro composer/producer today who's been around a long time, and he also suggested changing the bridge to add more tension/drama. A revision may be neccessary. Whats tough is knowing when the you've reached that 'prosody' term i learned at the rally.. I suppose you'll know, when you know... (Maybe the music gods could just upload it into my brain while im sleeping. ) Alright folks, thanks for help. Now its back to work, i got 3 hours 26 minutes left and im trying to finish up a new one... Jamie

[tuite]

Hey man,First off I think your voice is awesome! It has a lovely hoarse tone.Your song is good. It starts off really well and the acoustic riff goes really well with the melody line. However I wouldn't say its ready for the big league just yet.I think the vocal comes in too soon at the intro, play one more progression, then sing the first line. The drum fill also comes in too soon. Leave the drums out untill you sing "no contest". The first drum fill needs a kick with that crash cymbal.Basically, I think the whole production builds up too quickly. I know you need it to build to keep interest, but your doing it too quickly and the rest of the song seems slightly monotonous because very little is added from the first chorus on.The drum sound is quite poor and the song would really benefit form a more natural sounding kit. Some of the other instruments could sound better too.The song itself needs some work too imo. I don't think it has that "hit chorus" yet. The chorus is at the very same pitch as the verse and it sounds like an embellished verse. It needs to be taken to a higher register. Also, you could try and break up the phrase so the notes are longer, contrasting to the short words in the verses?The section before the bridge sounds like an outro and it ruins the climactic feeling you should get at the end of a song. So I would bring the bridge in sooner, and leave the guitar solo etc. for the outro.I see a lot of people like the song, so I hate to be the big bad wolf, but Im just trying to help. Again, I love your voice and I think you have a good idea here.Colm.

[ciskokidd]

I think I am going to agree with tuite on this one. Your song is very good and has nice instrumentation, but I think it would be a hard sell to a publisher without that knockout chorus.As I am playing it back in my head your verse melody is much more memorable to me. I think the problem is that there is not enough contrast in the chorus from a melody/rythmic/phrasing perspective.The vocals are very good and your voice works well with the material. The track sounds fantastic from what I can tell on these laptop speakers.I do think it is a good song with an interesting story, it just needs that hook to drive it home.Best,Cisko

[southpaw]

Thanks for the listen and feedback cisko and tuite! I appreciate the honesty. I took a couple days to give my ears a break and then re-asses. I thought about your comments and the chorus sounded did sound to me like it needed an extra little something... I re-worked the chorus' and worked on variation of the melody through the song, and the build up to a climactic phrase. My voice hurts! But i think the revisions came out pretty good..Posted here:http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default ... =music"The song itself needs some work too imo. I don't think it has that "hit chorus" yet. The chorus is at the very same pitch as the verse and it sounds like an embellished verse. It needs to be taken to a higher register. Also, you could try and break up the phrase so the notes are longer, contrasting to the short words in the verses?"I hear your points here. I tried many many different melodies, this one seemed to be strongest and the one i liked best. While i did try chopping up the phrases and add more sustaining notes, it sounded good once, but when i repeated it, it just wasnt settling for me.. I dont know about being able to step it up a register with the arrangement now because i tracked everything in Dmaj, which is a little high for me to get up there without straining quite a bit. I just decided to leave the key sig. for now, as it would be quite a bit of extra work to retrack everything... But maybe it would be worth doing at some point, to be able to really explode and hit those notes for the chorus... "The section before the bridge sounds like an outro and it ruins the climactic feeling you should get at the end of a song. So I would bring the bridge in sooner, and leave the guitar solo etc. for the outro."Yea, the bridge comment has been coming up a few times, ill likely rework it at some point. "The drum sound is quite poor and the song would really benefit form a more natural sounding kit. Some of the other instruments could sound better too."Do you mind explaining what characteristics or issues you are hearing with the drums, and other instrumentation that sounds poor?The drums sound crispy clean and balanced to me, for the most part. (A couple fills and cymbols hits could be cleaned up) I suppose im not hearing something that is sticking out for you..?I appreciate your opinions and all your honesty here. Thanks Again! And i'd love to hear everyones input on the posted revision!Jamie

[keithl]

Hello,This is just my .02Your voice is VERY good! I do agree about the production side of it. Seems to hit with everything too fast.Guitars:The sound seems too "direct" sounding...maybe some more verb/delay?Guitars:Seem a little "small" sounding (esp snare) and the tones, if upgraded, could really raise the roof on this one.The backup vocal on the chorus (the echo line) has some sibilance going onI would also ride the chorus out a little before that endind...seemed a little abrupt.Also the chorus...I would throw some strumming acoustics to give the chorus some continuity...the elect guitars. I still thing the instrumentation around the chorus should lift it up more. Again, this is just one man's opinion....nobody likes to hear bad things about their song babies! This I know!Good luck

[partyofone]

Hi Jamie, wow yeah I hear great improvements over last version! sonically it's so strong that it definitely grabs you right off. and you have a great voice tone going on."This one became a "soundclick top 50" which seems pretty cool i suppose. ".. That's very cool! Congrats!I feel like there are a few little things for me personally that would really take it over. Since the chorus melody stays near the verse in terms of range I would pull up that harmony you have and make it almost right underneath the main melody.Now there's something else in the chorus I can't put my finger on but somehow the guitar chords that are ringing out seem to uphold more tension than I expect to hear. It's like my ears are searching for a build/release and it doesn't *quite* happen fully.. .not sure why I'm saying that.. it may just be the chord changes. Having said all that I think you're right up there with the best of what I've heard around here.