When She Cries (Rock)

[kitz]

Thanks for your help guys, When I posted last I had a fair number of comments on the lyrics. Too many cliches and the like so that has been my focus. I realize the timing is not quite right in places but thanks for bringing that to my attention. Yeah those are real drums. My friend Lloyd Herrman did that part. He used to play with "Gatemouth Brown" and is one of my favorite drummers in the world. As far as the vocal register goes I wonder if you mean a different key or a different octave. I don't really want to rerecord all those parts again in a different key and I definitely can't sing it an octave up but I may know someone who can. After hearing from you and Vince I will have to consider working the melody - that's something I've never done with this tune so that should be fun. WTA - maybe try again - I'd really like your take.Thanks again,Kitz

[Casey H]

Jan 18, 2009, 11:22am, kitz wrote:This is a tune I posted a few weeks ago and thanks to comments from you guys I have made some changes in the lyric and other tweaks here and there. Would love to hear some comments on this.http://www.taximusic.com/stream/201962/ ... p3KitzWhen My Baby Cries or maybe When She CriesI will see her thru the stormBring with me an ocean breeze to rest her in my armsI can put the smile back in her eyesWhen sorrow criesWe keep our faith in front of usSometimes it gets so hard to find the one you trust But if we know - if we are sureWe will endure - we will endureOh I live to hear the music - see the laughter in her eyesI may never understand - all the feelings she'll disguiseBut when her day is cloudy - bring the lady's softest sighsTo sunny skiesI'm always dreamin of her smileHer voice - her eyes and how she holds me for a little whileAnd if it's rainin' on her dayI'll find a way - I'll find a wayOh I live to hear the music - see the laughter in her eyesI may never understand all the feelings she'll disguiseBut when her day is cloudy... When the tears begin to fallWhen her day is cloudy Bring my lady's softest sighs To sunny skies - sunny skiesI will be there thru the stormJust a little ocean breeze to rest her in my armsI can put the smile back in her eyesOh when she criesWhen she criesWhen my baby cries I'm gonna tryHi KitzCool track... A lot of good things going on here... Nice vocal & harmonies... My thoughts FWIW... The change-up at around 1:04 felt a touch unsettling, like the new beat didn't fit the song. But I have to say after a few listens it grew on me. I'm not an A&R person but I play one on message boards... The song doesn't have a clear hook. That doesn't mean there are not MANY hook-y elements, there are quite a few. But what I don't feel is a "focal point" where you come back to the main lyrical hook which should be "when she cries". You repeat that a lot late in the song, but it's too late for the impatient A&R person.It's hard to tell through most of the song if the title/hook is "Sunny Skies" or "When She Cries". There are a lot of repeats of "sunny skies" before you ever get back to the title line.You might want to revise most or all of the sections that end with "sunny skies" to have "sunny skies" followed by "when she cries" at the end. Just a thought...As a song with no chorus, you really need something compelling as the thing to "hang your hat" on. You are at a disadvantage from the get-go, because A&R folks look for hits and a killer chorus is the first thing they look for. But you might have a good film/TV track for the right style or "a la"...Genre-wise, it's a tough call. It's not modern rock or pop. It reminds me a little of Bob Seegar at times but a little more A/C (not hot A/C)... If your target is film/TV, you might want to see what "mold" it can tailored to (like it or not there)...I really like the track... well performed. Everything I said here is regarding what might be the best commercially.I'm wrong as much as I am right... more often if you ask my wife... HTH Casey

[rld]

Hey Kitz,Took a listen.I really like the instrumentation you've got going here.Everything sounds nicely played and recorded.If I were to pick a weak link, it would be the vocals.Just lacks a bit of confidence and a little less sure sounding than the other parts.Now the chorus...The double time part doesn't seem to be executed convincingly and comes off a bit haphazard to me.I think for a TAXI listing it probably wouldn't cut it as you never want to leave any reason for a screener to give the thumbs down.If this is for your own release, then its a different story, but I still think it could be pulled off with a tighter feel to it.

[kitz]

Casey, Thanks so much for your input here - I really like the ideas Sunny Skies - when she cries ideas you've presented. I never really considered the hook on this song. I guess it's time I did. It seems that most of my material lacks a good strong hook - but then I never really wrote for the hook - I seem to always be focused on the story or the feeling. I suppose that's something I must begin to cultivate.RLD,Thanks for the listen. After forum member's comments compelled me - I have just completed a rewrite of the lyrics. From your comments it sounds like I need to learn how to sing it. Many have commented on the melody not being strong or in the wrong register so that is all duly noted. There have also been more than a few comments on the double time section. There are some tempo fluctuations there that I have not attempted to control and maybe that's what you are hearing. I did figure out how to play the bass part I was hearing there but I guess that wasn't enough - maybe should spend a little more time there don't know will have to go back and review that whole section. The tempo thing probably would make it tighter but will take a good deal of time to fix and I have so many tunes with things that need to be fixed...Thanks again for everyones' constructive thoughts!!!Kitz

[mcanty]

First impressions..................great sound on teh instrumental tracks. The time change is a tad confusing at first listen in my opinion. The vocals seem a little timid. Sing it with more conviction.

[billg]

Production sounds damn good! Something bugs me a little bit with the kick drum but I can't tell if it's volume, eq, or a plastic beater thing. At any rate I'm pretty sure it's just personal preference. At first listen the time change had me scratching my head so I listened again . . . it went down easier the second time so I listened again. By the third listen I dug it! It does grow on you that's for sure. It's a bummer, but how many people give a song a chance to grow on them these days?

[geo]

Jan 21, 2009, 7:27am, billg wrote:At first listen the time change had me scratching my head so I listened again . . . it went down easier the second time so I listened again. By the third listen I dug it! It does grow on you that's for sure. It's a bummer, but how many people give a song a chance to grow on them these days?I ditto that emotion ....I think the main thing I would address is the hook... I might think of dropping the "Sunny Skies" altogether and use some variation of your alternative title....Love the guitar work....Cool tune!!Peace, Geo

[kitz]

Thanks mcanty, Bill and Geo!! It's gonna have to sit until I get some time to redo the vocal. Hopefully soon. Bill I had a problem with the drums bleeding through the keyboard mics up until the time change where we overdubbed the drums in that section - could that be what you hear? I'll listen again when I get ready to do the vocals. Again thanks for all the great ideas!!KitzKitz

[billg]

Jan 21, 2009, 11:32am, kitz wrote:Thanks mcanty, Bill and Geo!! It's gonna have to sit until I get some time to redo the vocal. Hopefully soon. Bill I had a problem with the drums bleeding through the keyboard mics up until the time change where we overdubbed the drums in that section - could that be what you hear? I'll listen again when I get ready to do the vocals. Again thanks for all the great ideas!!KitzKitz I think that's it because I seem to only notice it up to the change up. I think if nothing else the kick may be louder up until that point . . . even if the bleed is causing another problem I'm sure it would be fine if you just lowered the volume a smidge.Kitz

[Casey H]

Jan 20, 2009, 8:45pm, kitz wrote:Casey, Thanks so much for your input here - I really like the ideas Sunny Skies - when she cries ideas you've presented. I never really considered the hook on this song. I guess it's time I did. It seems that most of my material lacks a good strong hook - but then I never really wrote for the hook - I seem to always be focused on the story or the feeling. I suppose that's something I must begin to cultivate.Hi KitzI can't say for sure whether the "sunny skies"/"when she cries" lines paired together is the best approach or not... it's one of many things you might try and see what works...You mentioned that you never really wrote for the hook... What's important is what your goals are. If commercial success (such as placements) is your goal, there really is no other way. If you are making music for yourself, of course, that is different.The good news is you put a lot of hooks in the songwriting. It's just a matter of having at least one "central" one.Best, Casey