First Draft--new Folk tune, comments please

[davekershaw]

Quote:and if was from a hour or so of strumming my simple guitar the other day"strumming my simple guitar" yeah, I've heard it called a few things, but not that!

[heinsite]

wrong hand...

[wta]

W. brother this is the deepest I've heard you go yet mate. This is the essence of what I think of as singer/songwriter music, a deep story, a voice and a guitar. Bullseye. wta

[geo]

Hey Warren, Haven't read other post so if I'm repeating apologies..... Very cool song my man!!! Your voice has a haunting quality which I enjoy more with each new tune.... always get a Floyd vibe with your stuff.....My only bitch is the lyrics need to be tightened up a bit story-wise.... mostly the second verse... the song seems more about the guy that died but the second part ... last 2 lines .... feels disjointed...... neither version grabbed me.... and the "out of nowhere from behind the..." is a little awkward... kinda like "I never saw he pull out from behind the truck"..... see what I mean?How about...She said he came out of nowhere, trying to pass that Greyhound busHis face looked like a lunatic, and man how right she wasShe told the cop she tried to stop but all he did was grinWhen your whole life's been an accident you're not surprised when it ends.Something along those lines... but better ... 1st verse is premo!! Nice picture painted... 3rd cool too... on the chorus flip the last 2 lines...After all he was just an accidentAfter all this was just an accidentMake sure you paste updates!!Peace, Geo

[heinsite]

hey willie!! thanks for the words, been waiting for your take my friend, and was thinking of you a bit while them angels were sendin this down...oh, and great luck with the goldy gig my friend!! email me on what's going on with you and the "wolf" geo--i hear what you're saying, and i will be making some moderate modifications when i get back to this, but not quite as you've commented, but thank you all the same, you always have some good insights! all the best my friends,warren