FEEDBACK (AAA): See-Thru Me (Won't Be Long)

[partyofone]

Hey guys,This is a brand new tune that was written and demo'd over the past 2 days. The title is a play on words with the actual lyrics being "you're gonna see through me" but I like the idea of the narrator also being "see-thru".The vocal can and SHOULD be much better so I'd re-cut it eventually. Also I'm maybe hearing some chorus harmonies. I really tried to apply all the things I've learned this past year since joining Taxi and attending the Rally. Any feedback on melody, lyrics, arrangement, production is all appreciated. Thanks in advance!You can use the link below or go to my MySpace page:http://pleasurejunkie.net/See-Thru_Me.m ... icSee-Thru Me (Won't Be Long)VERSEI wish that could say itBut I don't know howIt's killing me to fake it while I figure outHow to be the man you wantedBut I've been here beforeCHORUSIt won't be longtill you figure outthat I'm full of doubtIt won't be longtil you start to seewhat's inside of meyou say I'm specialbut I know betterand it won't be longtill you see through meVERSEThis feels so complicated for my simple heartI never hesitated, I was behind from the startYou said you never felt this wayBut I've been here beforeBRIDGECracks in my fault linesOut of luck, out of love, out of timeHolding onto a pain that is all mine

[questor]

Nice song, very good vocals.Couple of thoughts that are just one person's opinion.1) It seems that the vocals are to much in front, the music could be more pronounced but seems too far in the background...now that could just be my audio setup...just my 2 cents.2) It seemed to me that there could be a nice instrumental buildup after the last words of the verse and before the chorus...just a bar or two of instrumental buildup leading to the powerful chorus you have going on...especially after the second verse, but perhaps after the 1st as well.As I said, I think the vox is solid and a good fit for the song, the instrumentation sounded good as well, but was really haveing a hard time hearing it.Very solid work. Good Job.

[partyofone]

questor thanks for listening. yeah I agree with you on vocals on a 2nd listen on a pair of smaller speakers. I just remixed and brought them down 2.5 dB and also good idea on a inst. build up. I added a little synth pad swell that might suffice but I may need more to help the transition.thanks!

[questor]

Dec 21, 2008, 1:48pm, partyofone wrote:questor thanks for listening. yeah I agree with you on vocals on a 2nd listen on a pair of smaller speakers. I just remixed and brought them down 2.5 dB and also good idea on a inst. build up. I added a little synth pad swell that might suffice but I may need more to help the transition.thanks!I was thinking (at least for the 2nd verse) that a nice 'building' drum bridge could help prepare the listener for the big chorus. Maybe that would help as well... just something to think about.Q

[jonathanm]

Hey, Patrick.Love the bass and vocal work on this. Sounds great, and I like the lyrical idea of the tune.The chorus sounds to me more like a really, really good prechorus from a structural (6m, 5, 4) standpoint. You might consider keeping it AS a prechorus and writing a chorus based around a the 1, 6m, 4, 1 structure similar to the bridge. I loved the way you took those chords on the bridge and put a high melody to it. That type of thing could make a really killer chorus.Food for thought. Serious kudos on the vox, man.Jonathan

[partyofone]

questor, I think you're probably spot on my friend! I think I'm just being lazy and not wanting to find and/or program a good drum fill!! ha ha!! But, I'm going to end up having to do this I believe.jonathan, thanks man! interesting take on the chorus being a pre-chorus. I really thought I mighta *nailed* the whole big-chorus kinda thing, but maybe there's work to be done there. you know it's funny because I wasn't 100% happy at first with that 6m, 5, 4 like you said.. and I played with 4, 5, 6m instead but it seemed happier sounding than I wanted. Also tried using the 2m and 3m in the chorus but they all sounded not rock enough in this song.I really do like the intensity of bridge but do you think it would work as is for the chorus? maybe I'll play around on the guitar with that idea. thanks!

[ideascapes]

Patrick,Nice recording--I can definitely hear your engineering and production skills. I think one of the reasons--besides musically--why your chorus sounds like a pre-chorus is that the verses are really short. Also, as Jonathan pointed out, you don't get to the root/tonic until the very end.You could rewrite so that the first 6 lines of the current chorus remain the same, then go to:I you say I'm specialIV but I know better viand it won't be long Vsustill you see through meVince

[audiorayne]

Wow, this track is crazy! The vocals are so well recorded (well everything is really..) - what's your setup for the vox if I might ask?I agree with the comment about the chorus being a pre-chorus. It's setting me up so well when I'm listening that I expect to be just slayed by what comes next. I think you'll get it though - you're on the way!One thing I did notice is there's a vocal "twiddle" in couple spots that you might want to tweak (for example, "figure out *HOW* to be" in V1 and "figure out *THAT* I'm..." in the chorus and "*I* know better" right before the bridge), possibly from some tuning software on those bits? Maybe try slowing down the re-tune speed? Great job! I can definitely hear this being used somewhere!-AR

[heckxx]

Very nice song! I really didn't hear anything wrong with the vocals, they sound amazing, very powerful, and very fitting in the song. I think the instrument arrangement in the very beginning (first verse, I guess) sounds very plain and old-fashioned, especially with that "bouncing" bass track and the snare stick-shot being the prominent ideas. The second verse sounds much better when those strings are playing there, so many put strings or some other stuff in the first verse as well. Going into the bridge, the instruments feel like they need to be louder, since its like a build up/climax sort of thing. Add more strings, more crashes, more instrumentation there would be my suggestion.Hope this helps! -Jeff

[billg]

Damn Patrick, this is good! Vocals sound great & the song sounds very strong & imo very commercial, you should have a lot of luck with this.I have one suggestion . . . I think the intro should be just vox & piano maybe. You know, very sparse without stong tempo or difined "beat". With "I've been here before" just trailing down to silence . . . . Then it kicks in >>>BAM!!!!Just a thought, good work!