Punk Thing update

[kimdr]

Hello everyone. I'm kim and I'm a newbie here. I thought I'd jump right in and see what you might think of a tune of mine. I'm wondering if I'm anywhere near the ball park as to the following submission description.POWER POP-PUNK INSTRUMENTALS in the range of Green Day, Blink-182, Pennywise, Sum 41, Foo Fighters, etc. are needed by the Music Supervisor for a reality dating show on a Major Music Network. These tracks need to be edgy, high energy, adrenaline-pumping and exciting. NO VOCALS for this one and the recordings need to be Broadcast Quality (excellent home recordings should be just fine). We'll need to be really selective, so be sure to send in your best! Please submit one to three songs online or per CD. All submissions will be screened on a YES/NO BASIS - NO CRITIQUES FROM TAXI - and must be received no later than December 17, 2008. I'm hearing some awesome music on this site, it may take me awhile to get to the level of excellence that I hear on this site, but I'm willing to learn to get there. So am I anywhere near the ball park with this Punk Thing? Any comments are welcome. Thanks.

[kimdr]

I need to figure out the linkage

[wrdsnmuzik]

Just tell people to go to your taxi site (the link at the bottom of your post) and play "Punk Thing"To my ears, the drum track is too obviously electronic, and the whole track sounds squashed, like you compressed the bejeezus out of it. Good playing, but I don't think this one measures up in terms of sound and development....sounds more like a promising-idea demo. Grain-o'-salt alert! I'm also a newbie, some of the vets could probably be more helpful.

[zingstone]

Quote:To my ears, the drum track is too obviously electronicYep, in my experience electronic drums are completely unacceptable to the Punk connoisseurs. I have the slaggings to prove it. If you have to use loops, make sure they have that live sound and that the snare is really dominant and there's lots of variation - even try to get some stumbling in to give it that "human" feel. Listen to the Green Day drum sound for more clues.Your arrangement and length is good, but you really need to find a way to make the guitars sound raw as f*ck, almost offensive in the mix.

[billg]

Everything said above but let me add that the bass is also adding to the overall "mechanical" feel.

[kimdr]

Yo wrdsnmuzik, Zingstone and billg. Thank you for listening and for your helpful comments. I've reworked the bass and drum tracks to address mechanical issues mentioned. I like to push the limiter to gain some level without clipping...sometimes too much, so I've backed off on that as well as a slight boost to the guitars.

[cjdenecia]

kim ..... I didn't hear the first version so I'm gonna assume this is bettah ....not sure I like the verb on the kit (snare) and it might now be just a bit too dominant in the drum mix, not the whole mix cus I think if you just brought the rest of the kit up a bit, that'd help ... and less verb ..bass seems to be a bit overdriven at times now too .... I like it's mix placement and sound for this but it's sometimes coming over as ... well - just overdriven ... and sometimes cus of it, it's not "note" but "flaaawwwwp" I'm getting ....guitars have a decent enough sound as well and are pretty well rep'd here - mostly, tho the chunky right speaker crunch is more of what I think zing was talking about as far as obnoxious sounding - and that one is the most edgy ... which is probably good.now, on the song ... and the progression and pure harmonic vibe and structure ... well .... this is not really very edgy ... not very memorable or really punk/hard rock right .... just doesn't seem to have a melodic focus and to be sure, the bands mentioned do get in your face, but they do it with considered chords I think - and with a lot more possibility that a great vocal line "could" be laid over the top ... I don't get that here ... and what is that, a major/minor trade off? that seems a bit too rudimentary and simplistic, even for a punk base.I dunno, but part of what makes the foo fighters and green day so special is not only do they have that in your face FU attitude with their attack, but they put a lot of melodic imagination into their tracks.this one doesn't seem to really have that for me. maybe go nick the chords off of one of their songs and bring it into this exact arrangement and rhythm and see what happens?of course, I'd feel like a fool if you've already done that and I just ain't getting it but I'm thinking - no, no ... this needs a better chord structure ... and some musical (melodic and harmonic) resolution ... this one as is takes off, but doesn't seem to really go anywhere but back into itself - if that makes any sense at all ... it might not .. sorta like a blues riff might - with a turnaround, but then, this doesn't have the moving walk of a blues thing in getting there ... I dunno ... but something ain't sitting right with it for me ... sorry ... I'm rambling now ...

[partyofone]

Hi Kim,I agree with CJ on the drum verb. Most modern punk/pop is pretty dry which helps give it that in-your-face sound.One of the guitars does seem a bit brittle to my ears. Maybe roll some high end off?And as far as style goes I feel like the chord progression needs to be a little more happy sounding for lack fo a better term. I'm hearing more like an 80's/90's metal thing in my mind.I think the tones are pretty solid though and I'm sure you can tweak it!

[kimdr]

Hey cj and Patrick.Thanks for your comments on my song. I agree on the drum and snare verb. And yeah, gotta get rid of that minor thing. Gonna hafta do some research and see what kinda changes I'll need to make.Thanks all for the help and comments, I appreciate the honesty.

[partyofone]

Sure, no problem, Kim! I appreciate the direct and honest feedback on this forum also. It's SO hard to get good, objective opinion from people that actually KNOW music.Good luck!