My First Instrumental--have at it!

[zoom]

Warren!I think some of the others have touched on the lead guitar, and I'll chime in here as well... Everyone keeps picking on one thing... which must mean that everyone really likes all the other elements -- I know I do! I think deviating from the vocal melody is a good idea... of course you can (and should) allude to it, especially at the beginning and ending of verses, but it isn't strong enough as a melody to last for the entire song. I think parts of the chorus really work well -- especially toward the end as the themes get built upon. But I think in general, it's too rigid and needs to play around the original melody (or find a new one).The good news about all this is that the rest of the track is really solid, and I know that you'll get this thing nailed down. Cheers!

[cameron]

Dec 1, 2008, 2:06pm, zoom wrote:Warren!I think some of the others have touched on the lead guitar, and I'll chime in here as well... Everyone keeps picking on one thing... which must mean that everyone really likes all the other elements -- I know I do! I think deviating from the vocal melody is a good idea... of course you can (and should) allude to it, especially at the beginning and ending of verses, but it isn't strong enough as a melody to last for the entire song. I think parts of the chorus really work well -- especially toward the end as the themes get built upon. But I think in general, it's too rigid and needs to play around the original melody (or find a new one).The good news about all this is that the rest of the track is really solid, and I know that you'll get this thing nailed down. Cheers!Smart man that Zoom. Yeah Warren, I should clarify too that I think this is a really solid production and nothing else stands out to me as being a problem. You deserve a pat on the back (maybe a kiss on the lips too... but not from me hehe).Cam

[wta]

How bout a pat on the lips?

[wta]

Kiss on the back?

[wignelson]

I like the tune, Warren. There is a bit I would do differently, but that doesn't mean this is not enjoyable. It seems a little repetitious IMO.You've already bit the bullet and added cello, but it's mostly half notes in 4/4. I hear it with a little more agitato approach in quarter and eight notes in harmony with the melody line of the guitar.At least for one pass or so. Then a string pad swell would be swell also. You could lead up to a whole orchestra eventually as Misty said.Good work, Wig

[heinsite]

wow folks THANK YOU FOR ALL THE RESPONSES!!my computer CRASHED and i've been down with ZERO since the morning after i posted this, (hell, it may have been the TUNE!! LOL...), so i come back to one helluva lot of responses, and i must say (a bit reluctantly) that most of the comments are RIGHT ON...though i still think in this form the tune has a place, but only the screeners will decide that as far as submitting to taxi is concerned, so...hmmm....we'll see..so i'm back and would like to thank ALL of you for your comments--in retrospect, i AGREE with even many of the neg ones on the guitar being a bit stiff (to capsulize most of the comments up there, and i did read them all!--BUT I WANT TO PUT ALL THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS HERE--if there is blame at all--MY INSTRUCTIONS TO MARTY WHEN HE PRODUCED AND PLAYED THIS WAS TO BE VERY TRUE TO THE VOCAL--SO IT'S ON ME!!now, that being said, for now i'm pretty done with this, both the vocal version that many of you have heard (hey cj, i PM'd you that one, remember? i sent you several, and maybe not...but it WAS my idea to follow the vocal on this...OFF WITH ME HEAD--LOL). so yeah, i guess it aint all that simple to write what i intentionally tried to make a minimalist/simple tune!! but yes indeed, i do hear many more things that can go on here, and i do envision/hear this as a base for a soundtrack (who somebody else would have to write--LOL!) and that's the direction it may take "someday..."thank you all for the comments, i dig them, and appreciate the suggestions. i do want to thank Marty for his work on this--as i said, he followed in the orig and in this version EXACTLY what my visioin was on this....sooooo....he did his job, perhaps i fell a bit short on my upfront end!! but don't get me wrong, i still dig this tune, and hope it has a place somewhere someday....all the best,warren

[bwrenhewmach]

Hi Warren I know if I had not heard the version with vocals before I would like it just fine, but the fact that I have causes me to compare. I love the vocal version so much better. For this song the voice is so much the better lead instrument plus I feel cheated and short changed out of the killer lyrics to that song. I just don't think the acoustic guitar as the lead fits the mood of the song. If anything it takes away from it. I can almost hear voices and strings as the lead going into a more epic feel into powerful full orchestra chorus. This is a powerful song Warren and the power is in the words but without the power of the words the music needs to compensate. mild Bill

[Casey H]

Dec 2, 2008, 12:45pm, heinsite wrote:wow folks THANK YOU FOR ALL THE RESPONSES!!my computer CRASHED and i've been down with ZERO since the morning after i posted this, (hell, it may have been the TUNE!! LOL...), so i come back to one helluva lot of responses, and i must say (a bit reluctantly) that most of the comments are RIGHT ON...though i still think in this form the tune has a place, but only the screeners will decide that as far as submitting to taxi is concerned, so...hmmm....we'll see..so i'm back and would like to thank ALL of you for your comments--in retrospect, i AGREE with even many of the neg ones on the guitar being a bit stiff (to capsulize most of the comments up there, and i did read them all!--BUT I WANT TO PUT ALL THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS HERE--if there is blame at all--MY INSTRUCTIONS TO MARTY WHEN HE PRODUCED AND PLAYED THIS WAS TO BE VERY TRUE TO THE VOCAL--SO IT'S ON ME!!now, that being said, for now i'm pretty done with this, both the vocal version that many of you have heard (hey cj, i PM'd you that one, remember? i sent you several, and maybe not...but it WAS my idea to follow the vocal on this...OFF WITH ME HEAD--LOL). so yeah, i guess it aint all that simple to write what i intentionally tried to make a minimalist/simple tune!! but yes indeed, i do hear many more things that can go on here, and i do envision/hear this as a base for a soundtrack (who somebody else would have to write--LOL!) and that's the direction it may take "someday..."thank you all for the comments, i dig them, and appreciate the suggestions. i do want to thank Marty for his work on this--as i said, he followed in the orig and in this version EXACTLY what my visioin was on this....sooooo....he did his job, perhaps i fell a bit short on my upfront end!! but don't get me wrong, i still dig this tune, and hope it has a place somewhere someday....all the best,warrenHey WarrenNever a thought to blame of any kind! Don't think that way...I'd hate to see you drop the instrumental side of this project because the changes required to make it marketable are fairly minimal. If you just vary the melody line against the chords played for the instrumental version, you'd have something. If you need help, plenty of folks here could offer some co-write assistance there, but you might not need any. Don't forget that instrumentals are many times easier to place than songs with vocals.... Food for thought. Best! CaseyPS It was great meeting you at the rally!

[gburgess]

Warren,Very nice! Was this a home studio project or pro studio? I'm asking because it's so clean I can't tell the difference.GB

[cjdenecia]

Dec 2, 2008, 1:20pm, bwrenhewmach wrote:Hi Warren I know if I had not heard the version with vocals before I would like it just fine, but the fact that I have causes me to compare. I love the vocal version so much better. For this song the voice is so much the better lead instrument plus I feel cheated and short changed out of the killer lyrics to that song. I just don't think the acoustic guitar as the lead fits the mood of the song. If anything it takes away from it. I can almost hear voices and strings as the lead going into a more epic feel into powerful full orchestra chorus. This is a powerful song Warren and the power is in the words but without the power of the words the music needs to compensate. mild Billfinally, another expert voice.heh.yeah warren .... I honestly didn't place it completely but just now went back into my player history and lo and behold, 100 plus songs back, this is still in my cache ...and I'm absolutely still right. well, me and bill ...but I'm forgiven if you are.btw - haven't been run off yet, but I haven't mentioned killing any babies, any bum sex or strippers with no sense of pace in days.plus I've faked being a child of the daisies.