Staring Out The Window (UPDATE)

[Casey H]

Quote:- Casey recommended putting more emphasis on the title/hook – glad you mentioned that because I was actually worried I’d put too much repetition in there! Well, they say in popular music, "repetition is everything." That doesn't mean you should say the same line in the verse and chorus, just that you want that key hook line stuck in people's heads as the thing they remember when they walk away from it... Casey

[ephlat66]

Really great song dude! Around 1:51 it seems to drag a bit. On a second listen I think maybe it's just a bit of off timing in the vocal: First theres:I wish I knew you’d love me tomorrowBut the morning’s just a guessing game(great line!!!)But this might be a bit awkward:Give her what she needsIt’s all that any man can doJust pray that nothing takes her awayDefinitely do a button ending, and the couple measures of guitar intro is kindof non-descript, but as soon as we hear the first line "Why did I have to break" (excellent first line) that's quickly forgotten.Btw-I don't hear Nickelback at all. But Blink182? Certainly!Good work!!Don

[geo]

Quote:- Casey recommended putting more emphasis on the title/hook – glad you mentioned that because I was actually worried I’d put too much repetition in there! -Cheers,-ARI think if you couple the hook with the line preceeding it like you did in the first verse it will help strengthen it:Why do you have to go?And leave me staring out the windowIf you do the listener will anticipate the hook line a little more, make sense? I hope so, good luck, Geo

[vicky]

Quote:Vicky and Casey both commented on the guitar intro – are you referring to the two bars at the top with just the guitar, or do you include the first vocal passages before the kick comes in as well? I was thinking I’d maybe put the first four bars of the chorus at the beginning (up until “but I’m staring out the window again”) to replace the bare guitar and then come right in with the first verse as is. Worth a try, or is the first vocal section (the “why did I have to break” section) too “folky”? great song!! this reminds me of the church band I played in for many years.in listening again to the top.....you could try putting that first verse line right out there.... start with a one or two beat drum fill....ka-plucka-ka-plucka "Why did I have to break" with band in...also the beginning guitar riff sounds like it wants to be in 6/8 ...this makes the feel funny.....on the third line on "go" start eighth note boomboomboomboom...on kick and toms with a big swell into "somebody tell me" would be cool....i found myself wanting to hear a full vocal breakdown where you use those answering parts after instrumental break....great song....I hope this helps or inspires ideas that help...Vicky

[steini]

I really like this song, it has alot of little things that make it nice to listen to, I think you could mix it a little better, bring the voice more in front and treat it a little diversely, less chorus or whatever it is you do. Fade outs are bad in my opinion, especially those that last a long time like this one, the song is upbeat so end it upbeat, maybe do a key change somewhere, you can handle one tone higher.You could have ended the song around 3:10 with a good hard end and left the rest out.

[audiorayne]

Quote:Quote:- Casey recommended putting more emphasis on the title/hook – glad you mentioned that because I was actually worried I’d put too much repetition in there! -Cheers,-ARI think if you couple the hook with the line preceeding it like you did in the first verse it will help strengthen it:Why do you have to go?And leave me staring out the windowIf you do the listener will anticipate the hook line a little more, make sense? I hope so, good luck, GeoHey Geo, good suggestion - but, do you mean to add this to add this in the chorus/hook, or during the instrumental break (which currently has "why do you have to go" repeated?Cheers!

[audiorayne]

Quote: great song!! this reminds me of the church band I played in for many years.in listening again to the top.....you could try putting that first verse line right out there.... start with a one or two beat drum fill....ka-plucka-ka-plucka "Why did I have to break" with band in...also the beginning guitar riff sounds like it wants to be in 6/8 ...this makes the feel funny.....on the third line on "go" start eighth note boomboomboomboom...on kick and toms with a big swell into "somebody tell me" would be cool....i found myself wanting to hear a full vocal breakdown where you use those answering parts after instrumental break....great song....I hope this helps or inspires ideas that help...VickyGreat comments Vicky - will try it out. Quick question though - by "answering parts" do you mean the "why do you have to go" in the instrumental break? In other words were you expecting the vocal breakdown at around 2:20, or after that at around 2:33? Thanks!-AR

[audiorayne]

Quote:I really like this song, it has alot of little things that make it nice to listen to, I think you could mix it a little better, bring the voice more in front and treat it a little diversely, less chorus or whatever it is you do. Fade outs are bad in my opinion, especially those that last a long time like this one, the song is upbeat so end it upbeat, maybe do a key change somewhere, you can handle one tone higher.You could have ended the song around 3:10 with a good hard end and left the rest out.Yeah, the chorus vocals have quite a bit goin' on. I'll try bringing the chorus doubles down a bit and the main voc up. Good suggestion.Definitely going to get rid out of the fade - seems to be the most common comment. Glad I posted this tune!-AR

[geo]

Quote:Quote:I think if you couple the hook with the line preceding it like you did in the first verse it will help strengthen it:Why do you have to go?And leave me staring out the windowIf you do the listener will anticipate the hook line a little more, make sense? I hope so, good luck, GeoHey Geo, good suggestion - but, do you mean to add this to add this in the chorus/hook, or during the instrumental break (which currently has "why do you have to go" repeated?Cheers!No just work it in ahead of where "Staring out the window" is now in the song. It doesn't necessarily have to be the same line, but the rhyme will help anticipate the hook. BTW I like the "What is...." lines, maybe use that as a secondary title in ( ). I thought those lines make for good hooks, maybe use those lines as a pre-chorus similar to the first verse. Somebody tell meWhat is faith?What is trust?What is the reason you goLeft me staring out the window.P.S. Just an exampleA little fine tuning and you'll have a great song here AR... Geo

[vicky]

Quote:Great comments Vicky - will try it out. Quick question though - by "answering parts" do you mean the "why do you have to go" in the instrumental break? In other words were you expecting the vocal breakdown at around 2:20, or after that at around 2:33? overall...great vocalsI like what you're doing at "why do you have to go" after that maybe fill into a break...I take back the 'answering parts' statement; that might not work there, since you just did that, but it seems it would be good to hear a vocal break somewhere...in church this device is used alot so the people can her themselves singing....someone wrote something about a modulation; that is a very good idea IMO.... I hope this inspires or leads to ideas that inspire...Vicky