Staring Out The Window (UPDATE)

[audiorayne]

Hi All,Happy new year to everyone! Hope you had a good holiday with your family and friends. [Note: I edited this post to get to the point quicker, but didn't feel like it sounded like me (I'm wordy I suppose) so I put my ramblings back in... ]I’ve been delinquent from the boards for a few weeks so I must apologize – been working my brains out on some new stuff, went on vacation in Canada (brought most of my Pro Tools rig with me of course), didn’t have internet, then got snowed in and couldn’t return to Houston till yesterday. Needless to say I’m chomping at the bit to see what I missed around here - from the little bit I’ve seen I’ve got some catching up to do!Back at the end of November I got some great advice from forum members about correspondence I was having with an A&R rep for a film & TV music library (http://taxi.proboards27.com/index.cgi?b ... 1196182341). Long story short – they wondered if I had any extra material and I told them that I did and would send them some new and updated stuff mid-January. Of course, I’d like for the forum folks to hear it (and tear it apart ) first, so here’s a new tune I’ve been working on called “Staring Out The Window.” If anyone has any comments on structure, lyrics, production, etc. please let me know! Thanks so much,-AR“Staring Out The Window”http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... Lyrics:Why did I have to break?Why do you have to stay so mad?Why do you have to go?And leave me staring out the windowSomebody tell meWhat is faith?What is trust?What is life but falling dust?Don’t let ‘em take it all awayWhat is joy?What is doubt?We were what I smiled aboutYou tore my world when you walked outI wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeSo I’m staring out the windowI wonder if I should ask herHoney could you come back in?When I tell you everything’s going to be all rightBe all right you better believe meSo honey tell meWhat is fear?What is love?Why can’t we just rise above?Just take my hand and save my soul I wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeI wish I knew you’d love me tomorrowBut the morning’s just a guessing gameGive her what she needsIt’s all that any man can doJust pray that nothing takes her awayWhat is faith for you?You had my trustBut now I’m staring asYou walk away from usWhat is fear for me?You took my loveI’m sorry that I brokeIt’s what I feared the mostWhy do you have to go?I wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeSo I’m staring out the windowI wish I knew you’d love me tomorrowBut the morning’s just a guessing gameGive her what she needsIt’s all that any man can doJust pray that nothing takes her awaySo I’m staring out the windowWhat in the world are we waiting for?What in the world are we waiting for?What in the world are you waiting for?I wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeSo I’m staring out the window

[audiorayne]

Hey folks - if anyone out there has a chance, I'd really appreciate any thoughts you might have on this one! I still have a few days to fiddle with it before my deadline, and I trust your opinions so please let me know.. Thanks! -ARP.S. I just read the latest newsletter and noticed that ML put in part of my original post on this topic! Cool! (Love what he said about not "shooting your wad" on the first interaction... which is totally what I did!.. Oh well - gotta learn from those experiences and just keep moving forward!)

[Casey H]

Hi 'RayneNice track. I listened a few times... I like it a lot! I hear a little Nickelback in there... These are my initial thoughts for improvements, FWIW... I'd shorten it, tightening it up so there is more emphasis on the title/hook line. At times it wanders a bit musically and lyrically (story) in the "what is love, faith, etc" sections. During the (very nice!) instrumental, would it be better to repeat "staring out the window" instead of "why do you have to go"? I might suggest more emphasis on what happened and how you are now left staring out the window than the whole questioning of what is love, etc. There isn't much story here- it could use more, although I'm the first one to say that in rock music you can get away with a lot less story.I wasn't crazy about the guitar intro. It seemed out of character for the genre and type of song- more folk-rockish IMO...What did you mean in the opening line, "Why did I have to break"?I really enjoyed the song! These were my reactions and, of course, when critique-ing, we tend to focus on what could be better.Warmest, Casey

[geo]

Hey Vicky the bassplayer, you're a junior member now (and obviously know your stuff) you can stop saying I'm new around here !!! Geo

[audiorayne]

Thanks so much everyone for your comments. There's a couple things I'd like to elaborate or get clarification on for what has been said so far…- Vicky and Casey both commented on the guitar intro – are you referring to the two bars at the top with just the guitar, or do you include the first vocal passages before the kick comes in as well? I was thinking I’d maybe put the first four bars of the chorus at the beginning (up until “but I’m staring out the window again”) to replace the bare guitar and then come right in with the first verse as is. Worth a try, or is the first vocal section (the “why did I have to break” section) too “folky”?- The lyric “break” can be interpreted to mean that I (narrator, or “the dude” in the song) lost my temper, or that I otherwise took a “break” from my normal behaviour, that wasn’t in line with the way she wanted me to be. I like to leave things open to interpretation, and I think that line is kind of memorable, but at the same time I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot here, so if you think that line is more confusing than memorable, let me know. Note that “breaking” is brought up again in the bridge.- On that same note – I was thinking I would change the “what is life but falling dust” to “what is happiness for us” because falling dust is kind of pessimistic and doesn’t really make sense (if you’re sober ), which may be too vague. What do you think?- I agree about the ending. A short (couple bars) wrap-up with the guitar right after the last chorus would fit better.- Casey recommended putting more emphasis on the title/hook – glad you mentioned that because I was actually worried I’d put too much repetition in there! (The phrase “Staring out the window” is repeated in the first verse, the bridge, and twice in the main chorus.) What I think I’ll do with respect to shortening is take out the second 8-bar measure in the second chorus (the one starting with “I wish I knew you’d love me tomorrow”). That way it’s shorter and there is more focus on the title line right there. I can also play with the instrumental part (glad you liked it by the way!) to put the title line in there as well.- I think the point of critiquing is to focus on what could be better, so keep the comments coming if you have ‘em! I also don’t mind being compared with Nickelback. Too bad they write their own music and use mostly heavy guitars. Curses!Cheers,-AR

[Casey H]

Quote:- Casey recommended putting more emphasis on the title/hook – glad you mentioned that because I was actually worried I’d put too much repetition in there! Well, they say in popular music, "repetition is everything." That doesn't mean you should say the same line in the verse and chorus, just that you want that key hook line stuck in people's heads as the thing they remember when they walk away from it... Casey

[audiorayne]

Quote:Regardless of what one Music Library thinks, this song is DEFINATELY a keeper. IMHO Thanks questor! It's good to get a thumbs up! -AR

[questor]

Quote:- I think the point of critiquing is to focus on what could be better, so keep the comments coming if you have ‘em! I also don’t mind being compared with Nickelback. Too bad they write their own music and use mostly heavy guitars. Curses!Cheers,-AROkay, with the above in mind I am gonna throw out my opinion of one part of this great song that I think is the weakest link in the chain of the melody. I am not trying to be overly critical, because this is probably just me....however, maybe the artist or others here have thought something similar, so maybe there will be a (partial) consensus or maybe it will just be me...Anyway, this section seems to start off good, but then the melody gets choppy nears the end, choppy meaning it doesn't quitre flow like the rest of the song...What is faith for you?You had my trustBut now I’m staring asYou walk away from us What is fear for me?You took my loveI’m sorry that I brokeIt’s what I feared the mostI mean, I like this section, it breaks up the song nicely, but those last couple of line (especially the underlined words) seem to lose the flow (sort of like they are awkward in some respect).Anyway, it's just my two cents. The whole song (including this section) is very nice...I am just trying to focus in on what I think could be stronger. Again, this song is a keeper. I have listened to it many times already. Also, I am new here, so you can easily chalk up my critique to me not knowing what I am talking about.

[audiorayne]

Wow, I messed this reply up! (Apparently I've forgotten how to work teh internets ) See next post...

[audiorayne]

Quote:Also, I am new here, so you can easily chalk up my critique to me not knowing what I am talking about. Just because you're new on the forum doesn't mean you know squat about music! I appreciate your thoughts! Sometimes it takes a good set of outside ears (whether they've made 2 posts, or 2000) to pick out things that never would have crossed my mind.. which is the case here. I've read a few times that after being mired in a mix it's good to take a couple weeks away from it to give yourself some perspective before jumping back in. I haven't quite hit the two week mark yet but when I do I'll be able to make some objective and useful fixes to this beast. Thanks again!Cheers,-ARP.S. Geo - I'm thrilled to hear that your wife liked it too!