Rock Staff Writers Needed!

[matto]

Hey Dan,I think it's a good idea conceptually but suffers from a number of issues, such as a generic title that doesn't appear in a power position, a cheerful melody that doesn't in any way convey the emotional depth you're trying to portray in your lyric, and too many weak and generic lyric lines.I don't think this has a chance for this listing, so I personally wouldn't submit it. But then that's me, I never submit anything unless I'm convinced it has a good shot.

[daniel481]

Yeah, I agree...it was the first one I started on, and yeah, it just didn't make it. I think "Burn it to the Ground" is my strongest shot, and actually think "Failing Wings" has a pretty good one, as well. Then I'll have one more here pretty soon, and I'll plan on submitting those three. It's just funny, I spent the most time on the lyrics for "Lost", trying to make it unique...and it ends up the most generic. Figures! Dan

[daniel481]

Alright, here's some new lyrics. Wanna see what you guys think as I get ready to record them.Thanks!“Runaway”You know you liedKnow you liedWell so did IWhen I told youI’d be around To pick you upAnd let you cryWhen otherLives stopped caring about youYou wanted space but thought I’d be there tooI’m not your plan B I won't fill your timeChorus:I’ll runaway (I’ll runaway)Out of your lifeI’ll leave this placeI’ll runaway (I’ll runaway)You won’t know meOh no, no wayYou had it allThrew it awaySo I’ll runawayI’ll runawayVerse 2:I’m sick and tired Sick and tired Of tryin’ to hideThe way I feelI’m drinking deepI’m finding ways to kill my mindCause it’s clear you’re goneThrough wanting to love meBut love the fact that I still give completelyToday I’ve changedAnd that’s not a lie

[daniel481]

Alright, here's the music for that last song...still in progress (so still rough), but I'd REALLY like to hear what you guys think. I'd love to have three strong songs to turn in, and I'm hoping this will cut it as the third one. Thanks for all of your continued help and support!Dan"Runaway"http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... tream=true

[twilsbach]

Song three, Runaway.After two quick listens, here are my equally quick opinions:-The lyric is too cliche and generic. There's not nearly enough attitude or imagery for a hit rock song. The only part that grabs me is a line in the second verse: "I'm drinking deep, I'm finding ways to kill my mind" A search of the iTunes music store for "Runaway" returns 150 selections. -I really like the verse and melody. Interesting, rhythmic, short phrases. the energy rolls along very nicely from one line to the next, even though there is considerable space between each line.-The Chorus is the weakest part of the tune. With such a good verse melody you really need to kill us with the chorus, again a lyric rewrite will help immensely.I would also say, don't force it to get a third one in if its not there. You've got two that contenters. Submit those, let them stand on their own and keep working the others. With a listing like this, they'll want to hear more from you if they like what they hear in the first batch. Wow them again with some more hard work on the ones that aren't there yet.And again, I'm jealous of your production skills. I wish I lived in San Diego. I'd come hang out with you, you could teach me a thing or two. Also, because there is six inches of snow on the ground here in Indiana and I really hate being cold.

[daniel481]

Thanks...I know, I'm just freaking out last minute trying to somehow ensure that I'll get a forward...but it's really not gonna help anything I did mix the song and update a few things in case you wanna check it out again. It's probably not good enough for this listing, but I don't know anything about any of it at this point! My mind is fried from the last three weeks of trying to get these ready...Anyway, thanks for the tips though. I'm just going to let them be for now. Dan

[daniel481]

Btw, if you ever make it out to SD, let me know, I'll show you some stuff! Enjoy the snow

[matto]

I have to agree with everything twilsbach said.The title, concept, and lyric is too "been there done that". Musically the verse has potential. The chorus is okay, but that's not nearly enough unfortunately.Don't sweat it, submit the other two and let the chips fall where they may.Good luck!matto

[daniel481]

Yep, you guys are right. Not to bad for a one day song though...maybe I can place it in TV or a Film?But yeah, I'll do what everyone's mentioned and just submit the other two. Then we'll just see what happens.Thanks again everyone, I guess that's about it!Dan

[andreh]

Dan-You sure write quickly! Do you feel like your other songs are as close to this Taxi listing as they're going to get, or do you just prefer to have a lot of songs to submit?I think if I were the listing party, I'd rather hear one awesome, finely polished song than several that are pretty good but not quite there. André