(MORE) NEW LYRICS -- PLEASE HELP: "Say The Words"

[joshuaarmstrong]

12/19/07 at 9 p.m. Pacific: OK, another revision. I hope this is yet another improvement. Might be hard to completely understand the song structure without actually hearing an update version of the phrasing, but I'm confident I can pull it off when I sing it and make it believable. Please let me know what you think!--------------------------------------------------------------Say The WordsCopyright 2007. By Joshua Armstrong.Verse 1:As the days go by, memories flash in my mindWhen we first met, you comforted my soulYou inspired me ... to learn, grow, and findOccasionally dreams collide, but we still have timePre-Chorus:Despite what we've been through I remain devoted to youChorus:Let me hold you close, my dearTogether we will battle fearDon’t leave, always stay nearSay the words I long to hearVerse 2:When we look back on these years, maybe we'll laughMistakes are part of growing up ... creating the pastHardships will come, but we're worth the fightWe're still young, our future is brightPre-Chorus:Despite what we've been through I remain devoted to youChorus:Let me hold you close, my dearTogether we will battle fearDon’t leave, always stay nearSay the words I long to hearBridge:As lonely nights passed, I discovered what I lackedThen our separate paths finally circled backNow let's cross the bridge we almost burnedWe can try again with all that we learnedPre-Chorus:Despite what we've been through I remain devoted to youChorus:Let me hold you close, my dearTogether we will battle fearDon’t leave, always stay nearSay the words I long to hear

[arkjack]

Is there a new MP3 link to this latest draft? I'd like to hear it at its current speed and melody and see how it sits for length.ArkJack

[joshuaarmstrong]

Quote:Is there a new MP3 link to this latest draft? I'd like to hear it at its current speed and melody and see how it sits for length.ArkJackNot yet ... recording it today or Friday. I'm more concerned about the lyrics right now, because I'm confident I can pull off the phrasing. I plan on speeding up the tempo. It'll probably sound like a completely different song than the tracks I posted up earlier.

[montster]

Hey, Jumping into this thread after a lot has been discussed and re-worked by you. Very interested to hear the results when you get a chance to post a recent mix. After reading your first couple drafts of the lyrics and listening, I feel like the comments prompting your further re-writes were very well put and valid. It appears as if you have taken care of major issues for the song's vibe and presentation.Aside from the tempo thing which I also agree with, my comments are regarding the actual production side, and arrangement. The faster tempo will really help, as mentioned before. Also if you can, record the piano first, or at least along with or after the drums, and do the best you can with the piano performance to add notes and phrases to compliment the lyrical melody. It may add dynamic to the track and also help you keep your place in the arrangement and in tune while laying the voice over the instrumental tracks. A short instrumental interlude may also help add dynamic to the song and emphasize the mood of your piece. Mind, not like a piano solo with sweeping runs or anything like that, simply a busier rhythm pattern with the added and matched energy from the drums.... something as long as a verse using the same chord structure and coming back in with the chorus before the last verse and chorus. Or maybe even shorter, just an interlude.The delivery of the vocals also seems inconsistent, phrasing issues I believe were addressed previously. The quicker tempo might help to solve that by forcing your phrasing into a consistent rhythm pattern. Another suggestion you may want to explore is working the melody and vocals up to deliver a climax to the melody and vocal performance to a emphasize the point at the last bridge, The faster tempo might also help with this also.Hope this helps. By the way, you're still welcome to contact me personally as I live in your area. I have a grand piano in the studio so if you want to bounce stuff off someone, just let me know. I sent you a PM soon after the road rally, yet never heard from you.Good luck!! Monty