I'm Gonna Find Love

[motomyrtle]

Hi everybody, appreciate your thoughts on this up tempo country lryic. Cheryl “I’m Gonna Find Love”Copyright 2008 Cheryl A MoonCountry Alternative – mid-up tempo V1Where does love go? Have you seen it wanderin’ ‘round?Sometimes I wonder If love wants to be foundIs there some kind of old homeWhere love just sits aroundTalkin’ ‘bout first datesFrom its younger days Chorus:I’m gonna find loveI’m gonna look into love’s eyesHold love close foreverI’m gonna make love mine I know love’s out there somewhereI’m gonna find love somehowI'm gonna find loveBefore time runs out V2Does love hear me? Does it want to be found? Could love be lost Is it looking for me nowIf you see love let it knowThat I’m still waitin’ ‘roundCause I’m really hopin’And leaving my door openChorus:I’m gonna find loveI’m gonna look into love’s eyesHold love close foreverI’m gonna make love mine I know love’s out there somewhereI’m gonna find love somehowI'm gonna find loveBefore time runs outBridge:Maybe love’s been tryin’ to find meBut doesn’t know where I amIf I could find love it could be The beginning of our endOh, love are you hiding? Show yourself to meI’m tired of this game Of hide and go seekChorus:I’m gonna find loveI’m gonna look into love’s eyesHold love close foreverI’m gonna make love mine I know love’s out there somewhereI’m gonna find love somehowI'm gonna find loveBefore time runs out

[matthoggard]

Hey Cheryl,Welcome to the forums. This is where youll get torn down to be built up again. Kinda like the Marines I guess.I like the structure of this lyric. Good use of syllables to set a meter. I like the imperfect rhyming scheme you have. Not exact ryhmes but good soundalikes.I like how you kept the whole thing in 1st person. Its too easy to change POV in songs. I am guilty of it as well.The line about old folks home is really cool. The chorus lyric reads well. Evokes some emotion.A melody would help me to "feel" it. The bridge lyric is good. It gives a decent twist.Im afraid that youve overused "love" in the song. You use it 30 times. (yes I counted).Im also afraid that this is too cliche. I hate using that word but i feel it here. Your title and the much used love word are just not unique enough.Your style is obviously strong. Great setup, great meter, great imagery. Ill bet you could come up with different ways of saying this song that would be a knockout.Hope to see you more. Feel free to give opinions on my stuff. Its in here somewhere. I get shot down too but these folks are a huge help. M~

[claire]

Hi Cheryl - welcome in. I agree with Matt - your setup and meter have a very natural feel to them. The lyric would easily sit on a melody and a groove. I also agree with him that you could get rid of a lot of those "love"s! This is one time where the word "it" would actually fit perfectly into some of those spaces and there wouldn't be any confusion about what "it" is.I have a bit of a nit on the word "does" in your first line. Using the present tense, it feels like there should be a logical completion to that thought, sort of like "where does love go when it's not here" or "where does love go when you look the other way" or something. It almost feels like your second line completes a "did" thought, not a "does" thought. Where did love go? Have you seen it wanderin' 'round? For me the fix would be to change the second line slightly and keep the first line as a "does". Where does love go when it's out there wanderin' 'round? The lines about the old (folks) home and love sitting around remembering its first dates are very cool.Conventional wisdom says keep the words in your hook separate from the words you use in the verses, keep the hook clean and keep it in the chorus. If your hook is "I'm Gonna Find Love" it's tough not to use the word "love" elsewhere in the song but yeah, it really is used too much all over the song. Even in the chorus you could substitute some "it"s for some of those "love"s.Chorus:I’m gonna find loveI’m gonna look into its eyesHold it close foreverI’m gonna make it mine I know love’s out there somewhereI’m gonna find it somehowI'm gonna find loveBefore time runs outOk, you have a beautiful opportunity in your second verse to actually wonder where love is in visuals. You can ask questions like... is it hiding in the attic, is it stuck behind a fence, is it hanging from the rafters, etc. etc. This is the easiest kind of lyric to write, a laundry list of all the places where love might be hiding. Go for it! Write the second verse in pictures. If you want to read a laundry list lyric, check out "No News" (Lonestar from several years ago). I'm actually really excited for you because I know how cool that second verse can be The bridge is way too long. Bridges should be short and sweet and to the point. Two lines, maybe three. Your twist is in the first two lines of this bridge (and it's a great twist). I'd chuck everything after the first two lines and maybe add a third line.You've got a great start here, tons to work with and some potentially amazing lyrics for a second verse. By the way, don't include the actual copyright date (2008) in your copyright notice. The date isn't necessary, it just makes it obvious when the song was written.I don't consider myself the expert on writing country lyrics and God knows I can't post a link to save my life, but I'll post a song of mine called "Love's Found A Home" and we made a point of not ever referring to "love" except in the chorus.Claire

[claire]

http://www.taximusic.com/stream/27275/L ... dAHome.mp3

[matthoggard]

Cheryl,Claire made some excellent points there. Using "it" is a perfect way of expressing the thought. We get so caught up in explaining our stories in detail that these simple methods get easily overlooked.Claire-What a great song!! I hear a Miranda Lambert thing. I was gonna say Taylor Swift but the the lyrics are way too intelligent.I absolutely love the simple demo. Beautiful chord structure. Is this you on the demo? If not who did your demo work. I think im putting too much work into demo's. Gonna try that simple acoustic sound.

[claire]

Hi Matt - that's actually an older demo, done at a friend's studio. The singer is a gal named Evie Nicole. The funny thing is, I'm thinking of getting the song re-demo'd because her voice does sound so young and the lyrics pretty much make it clear that this singer and "love" are either living together or are spending a lot of time fooling around at 3 a.m., so the lyrics are a little bit too mature for an 18 year old to sing I've got some simple guitar/vocal demos that'll knock the socks off some of my fully demo'd songs. If it's a ballad or a less uptempo song, guitar and a great vocalist will get you where you need to go.I'm hoping we get to see a rewrite on "Gonna Find Love" because I think it's got something going for it in the idea.c

[motomyrtle]

Claire and Matt, thank you so very much for the in-depth look. I see what you mean about the overuse of 'love' and to save it for the chorus/hook - both of you are very insightful and Claire - the rewrite of the chorus with 'it' works much better. You'll definitely be seeing a rewrite of this one. Thanks a bunch for kudos on the 'old folks home' reference, pointing out the 'tense' discrepency in verse one and the suggestions. Cheryl

[matthoggard]

That's why we are here.Claire is an excellent lyricist. I respect her opinions. Cant wait to see the re-write.M~

[motomyrtle]

thanks, the rewrite is coming along nicely, but in the meantime - Claire - I wasn't able to follow your link, possibly because I'm only a member of the forum and not TAXI.com. Do you have a web page where your songs are posted? We really like to see the lyrics or listen.Cheryl

[claire]

Hi Cheryl - you can go to www.broadjam.com and do an artist search on my name (Claire Ulanoff). I don't know if Taxi allows non members to access members' music directly through their site and not through the forum? I don't know. I only have a few songs on MySpace and that one (above) isn't one of them, so Broadjam would be your best bet.Where is Springfield in relation to Nashville, by the way?Claire