Let's see what you think about! Purple Hearts

[mikehelms]

I figure I should give you a shot at what I do before I take to many liberties with my own opinion.. Here's Purple HeartsAs I sit in my foxholeHave I dug my own graveAm I a would be heroWho’s life will I save anywayCount the grains of the sand Am I goin homeBy the rockets red glareThrough blank eyes they stareWhose watch are they keepingIs there anybody out there anywayCount the grains of the sand Am I goin homeGod I miss you tonight And there’s a hole in my life But I’ll be brave and the world I’ll saveOr at least I will tryAnd I send you my love And momma in God we TrustAm I mortally woundedFor the Soul do I grieveAnd my hearts turning purpleAs the life ebbs from me day by dayCount the grains of the sand Am I goin homeCount the grains of the sand Am I goin home God I miss you tonight and there's a hole in my lifeBut I'll be brave and the world I'll saveOr at least I will tryAnd I send you my love Can you feel meAnd I send you my love Can you feel meAnd I send you my love And momma in God we TrustMusic and Lyrics written by: Michael S.Helms and Peter FennellCopyright:2003 you can hear it at..http://www.taxi.com/mikehelmsmusicThanks for your time and consideration... Michael

[sgs4u]

I love the song idea. I have often thought of what it must be like to wait around, knowing you'll likely have to kill someone to survive. My dad was in the Cdn army for 25 years. 1st vs I like, except i don't get why the last line is even there, same with 2nd vs, end them with anyway - it's strongerI don't know why your rhyme pattern is different in those 2 first verses, doesn't make sense to meI love the hole in my life, i don't understand sending you momma and in god we trust, i guess that means you're sending money home from the war, but it's not reading like a great payoff chorus line - keep in mind, I'm only reading right now, not listening the repeat of "And I send you my love can you feel me", seems like it ought to be different.Sometimes every lyric makes sense when you hear the passion in the voice, tho. I'll listen & get back to you tomorrow.steve

[mikehelms]

Thanks for your time Steve.. Takeing a look at it I can see where the read would be ahhh whaa.. the verse does end with anyway.. the sands line is a bridge to the chorus.. Should I seperate those for easier reading? I made a Video for it.. If you care to check it out..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z-P6GMzcQwthanks again...Michael

[sgs4u]

Quote:Sometimes every lyric makes sense when you hear the passion in the voice, tho. I'll listen & get back to you tomorrow.stevehey mike,powerful video, I'm glad I didn't watch when I was reading the lyrics, I wouldn't have been able to read thru my tears.the voice is very emotional, pitchy as hell, but it does sell the song. the band track is great, subtle and the right kind of bluesy attitiude.the lyric comments i made earlier, still make sense to me. It's not an amazing song, just a very powerful one - I hope that makes sense.perhaps you could cut the one line, into 2 for the sake of reading it - And I send you my loveand momma in god we trustI think you could find a better first part of the "Count the grains of sand, am I going homeinto watching tears drying in the sand, will I ever get back home or something more of an image than just counting the grainsbut again, what do I know?your video cuts between stills too quickly for my taste, I like the shots to change in time with the music, but what do I know about film?thanks for posting, sorry it took so long to get back to yousteve

[mikehelms]

..Thanks Steve..For taking the time. You and your Comrade's here are all very insightful.Could be I'm a little pitchy? But that's how they wanted it sung.. Usually when I sing I'm a little more umpfy.!The Video was kind of a happenstance..put it together made a couple of adjustments took a look and wow!!! Made me cry.. Made my buddy cry.. made my wife cry..so I went with it..I agree with you on the timing of the stills.. usually would put it to the timing of the music .. couldn't fit all the pics" for there intent' exactly to the music...Thanks again and I'll Make those changes so it reads better..Laters, PeaceMichael

[hummingbird]

The first thing I thought when I heard this is that it's not what I expected from reading the lyrics. I expected to hear uptempo edgy rock or uptempo atmospheric punk, not a love song. For me, the music is too 'nice'. I want angry, I want despairing, I want heavy rock guitar and a soldier's harsh voice speaking his truth.Lyrically I think you do wander a little. I think you need to ask less questions and make more statements.As I sit in my foxhole Have I dug my own graveAm I JUST a would-be heroWho’s life will I save anyway (weak line)Count the grains of the sand Am I goin home? By the rockets red glare (rhyme scheme changes)Through blank eyes they stare (I love this though)Whose watch are they keepingIs there anybody out there anyway (weak line)Count the grains of the sand Am I goin homeGod I miss you tonight (where's the hook? PURPLE HEARTS)And there’s a hole in my life (this takes us away from where you are)But I’ll be brave and the world I’ll save (this contradicts vs 1)Or at least I will tryAnd I send you my love And momma in God we Trust (huh?)Am I mortally woundedFor the Soul do I grieveAnd my hearts turning purpleAs the life ebbs from me day by day (I don't get this verse)For me the weakest part of the lyric is the chorus. I don't feel that the verses point me to the chorus you have here. I expect to hear about Purple Hearts & comrades falling like grains of sand. I think it's okay to say you miss home, but IMO that's not the real story of the song.Your first and second verse set-up this powerful picture -- especially vs 2 - and that should lead you right into purple hearts and death and waste. IMOhope that makes some sense I think if you can write the chorus that brings vs 1 & 2 home then you'll have something really powerful. Don't be afraid of making a statement.

[mikehelms]

Thanks for that good ladie... I appreciate your imput... I think the chorus is the introspect.. what it feels like to be away from those you love,, but you must stay and do your duty... and the.. In God we trust... is both a statement of spirituality and also a Patriotic statement IE. those words are printed on our currency... maybe it's to subtle a reference?..Hmmm things to consider..?! but thanks for taking your time to look and comment... Much appreciated. Michaeland again you can see the video at this URL Below...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z-P6GMzcQw

[sgs4u]

Quote:I think the chorus is the introspect.. what it feels like to be away from those you love,, but you must stay and do your duty... and the.. In God we trust... is both a statement of spirituality and also a Patriotic statement IE. those words are printed on our currency... maybe it's to subtle a reference?.. You've convinced yourself you've done a good job, why did you bother asking for opinions? If you have to explain the lyric, then...Quote:Could be I'm a little pitchy? But that's how they wanted it sung.. Usually when I sing I'm a little more umpfy.! Again with your statement here, I must ask you. Is this the truth? THEY wanted it sung a little pitchy? Who were they? I have never heard of such a strange request. I don't think I ever will again.Perhaps you were just interested in people hearing your song, not constructive suggestions. I won't waste my time listening to any more of your stuff. steve

[mikehelms]

Sorry..! Steve ...I might have miss under stood the Pitchy thing... I was asked to sing it softer and with more breath to my voice.. witch may have caused me to waver a little... that's what I thought you were referring to.. Yes I am interested in people hearing my songs and in their opinions and impressions... I was only trying to explain the use of in god we trust...I'm new here and apparently I don't get it... mine was just a reply.in exsplanation... sorry if I offended... It had appeared to me there was seriousness to these postings but a joviality and openness.. but no mean spiritedness or homer attitude ...my bad... It was just an introduction and I've apeishly blown it ...again ....wish you the best.....laters, peace Michael

[sgs4u]

You haven't blown anything with me. I was grumpy last nite. I decided you weren't paying attention to what people's suggestions were, by attempting to justify what you wrote.Pitchy = not singing in tune. Explaining "in god we trust" should have been in the lyric. There needs to be a clear reason why that line is important, crucial, to your chorus. It looks to me like you threw the line in there to get some kind of empathy from listeners. It didn't work for me at all. don't worry, be happysteveI am the ape with the lousy etiquette. It's not the first time it's been pointed out to me.